“It seems as though you’ve read my mind,” said Jeong Jin Wu.
Eun Ok lowered her eyes.
Jeong Jin Wu caressed Eun Ok’s coarse hands. He spoke frankly, “It is difficult at times… and I get angry and frustrated… but it’s been a rewarding life. This is beyond the expectations of our wedding night. I’m very pleased with how our lives are in unison every step of the way. To think of someone frail like you in that harsh terrain… It brings me happiness to see you on that path of pursuing knowledge, persevering through the intolerably cold weather.”
Jeong Jin Wu took a moment before he proceeded, “To be honest with you, a few days ago, I was not too happy. In fact, I was extremely upset. In the early days of our married life, I was more than willing to support your research, but after many years, I felt like I was forced to support you because that is what a husband is supposed to do. I began to envy other families whose wives stayed at home. I wanted that, too, a simple, ordinary, happy family.”
Eun Ok began to caress her husband’s hands, a gesture of regret and apology.
When Jeong Jin Wu saw Eun Ok’s misty eyes, he said, “Why are you crying when I’m trying to compliment you? You’re the one who must be more tired than me. You must be very tired. Look at your hands. I told you to wear gloves. You may not be able to wear gloves when you plant each seed, but after that, please wear them.”
“Yes, I will.”
Eun Ok wiped the tears with her finger.
Jeong Jin Wu continued. “Don’t be discouraged. Look how much your research has advanced since you’ve started. The radishes and cabbages have to be considered a success. Now you have a better idea of what to do with the cucumbers and squash. Yes, indeed. Do you think the villagers at Yeonsudeok will be able to enjoy the cabbages and radishes by next year?”
“Yes, I think they will.” Eun Ok nodded and smiled.
“When were you planning to leave for Yeonsudeok again?”
“If it’s all right with you, I was thinking of leaving on Monday.”
“Monday? Ah, that is why you arranged our date on Sunday.” Jeong Jin Wu nodded as though he had solved a mystery case. Then he sighed. “It’s fine. Go on Monday. And next time, you don’t have to leave notes. I already know what to do. I’m your best research assistant.” Jeong Jin Wu chuckled again.
From outside the window, the wind noticed Jeong Jin Wu and Eun Ok enjoying each other’s company by the single lamp on the desk and respectfully left them in peace.
16
After Sun Hee prepared dinner for Ho Nam, she collapsed on her bed. As the hours passed, she grew more overwhelmed by mixed feelings of shame, bitterness, regret, and desperation. The intensity of her mental pain left her empty and dejected, as if she had been banished to a deserted place. It seemed dark everywhere, and the only flame of life left seemed to be fading away. The flame flickered whenever the wind blew, and then it went out. The dying wick also soon vanished into obscurity.
Suddenly, Sun Hee opened her eyes, terrified. The room was tranquil, and Ho Nam was still awake, sitting on the floor by the desk making a pair of glasses out of wire. Sun Hee cuddled Ho Nam in her arms and tried to assuage his loneliness.
“Won’t you go to sleep now?” whispered Sun Hee.
“After I finish making this.”
“Come, let’s get ready for bed.”
“No, I’m going to wait until Dad comes home.”
Sun Hee did not oppose her son’s desires. She sighed and closed her eyes. All of a sudden, a memory of the judge’s acute eyes and his words, as sharp as surgical tools, flashed before her. The judge’s keen assessment of her was like a mirror that reflected her innermost thoughts, like an X-ray that had peered into her soul. She realized that there was no use hiding her flaws from the judge, and there was certainly no use in crying in front of him.
Why did I really become a singer? How have I truly treated Seok Chun all these years?
When Ho Nam finished making his glasses, he put them on and sat next to Sun Hee.
“Mom, look at my glasses.”
“They’re really nice.”
“Is Dad coming home tonight?”
“Well, I’m not sure. If he’s busy at the factory, then he may not.”
In the past, Sun Hee would bark at Ho Nam whenever he asked about his father. But tonight, she replied in a gentler tone, which gave him the courage to ask, “Mom, did you prepare Dad’s dinner?”
“Uh huh.”
“You see, you think he’s coming home, too.”
Sun Hee embraced her son, and he remained in his mother’s arms. Sun Hee caressed his shoulders and back. She realized that she would not be able to detach her son from his father, that his burning love would never be extinguished. The more Sun Hee mocked Seok Chun, the more Ho Nam distanced himself from his mother. But the more Sun Hee commended Seok Chun, the more Ho Nam was willing to accept his mother’s love. Ho Nam’s genuine loyalty to his father stung Sun Hee’s heart. The loneliness and sadness that had overwhelmed Sun Hee disappeared, and instead a warm feeling lightened her heart.
The night was growing deeper, and the wind blew harder. Suddenly, the dog barked gleefully. From the front yard came the sound of familiar footsteps approaching the house.
“It’s Dad!” shouted Ho Nam as he jumped out of bed. He flung open the door.
Seok Chun reacted to the swinging door and said excitedly, “Hey, you better be careful. You might hit me in the face.”
Seok Chun picked up Ho Nam and carried him into the house. The cold air from outside and the stench of grease from his clothes entered the room.
Seok Chun’s voice and the factory stench, both of which had sickened Sun Hee for the past few years, filled the room. She felt that a change of heart was not possible and that their lives would continue as they had been. Then, all of a sudden, her anger flared within her. Sun Hee kept her head down and went into the kitchen. As she was preparing dinner for Seok Chun, she heard an affectionate conversation between father and son. This added to her anger. Regardless of how she felt, father and son continued their jovial conversation.
“What’s that kid’s name? Se Pil? So, what’s he doing to you?” asked Seok Chun.
“Whenever I come out of the school, he hides behind a wall to scare me. If I don’t share my lunch with him, he hits me.”
“Didn’t he finish kindergarten? How could a kid like that be so mean to you? I better go say something to him. But then again, if he asks you for some lunch, give him some. You have to know how to share.”
“I always give him some. He’s greedy.”
Sun Hee entered the room carrying the round dinner table.
Seok Chun said quietly, “There are a lot of side dishes tonight.” But he did not look up at his wife.
Sun Hee thought that her husband was just trying to be friendly without any sincerity in his words, and that he was acting like there never had been marital problems between them. Everything he said sounded awkward and contrived, which annoyed her greatly. She preferred that he be his usual self—cold, obstinate, and rough around the edges.
There were a lot more vegetable side dishes than on other nights. The next-door neighbor had given Sun Hee some vegetables, and the neighborhood leader had bought some from the marketplace for the family as well. It appeared as if Sun Hee had prepared a hearty dinner as a sign of reconciliation, even though this was not the case. She did not want to give Seok Chun the wrong impression. She wondered why she had not felt like this when she was preparing dinner earlier. She could not understand why her feelings for him were vacillating.