“It took me a couple of days to come up with the process to shrink all this stuff so it’d fit in the seed shooters, but it was sure worth it,” said a smiling Freddy.
Within seconds the gang lay groaning on the floor of the barn. Freddy and Howie landed in front of them. Adam sat up and stared at them furiously. “You twerps are gonna pay for this. Come on, guys, charge!”
Adam and his gang rose up and sprinted toward Howie and Freddy. The two looked at each other and smiled. “Ready?” said Freddy.
“Ready, roger will-co, over and out, and Adam Spanker sucks both his thumbs,” yelled Howie.
Freddy and Howie pulled the Jelly Leggers – which were small silver gadgets – out of their pockets, aimed, and fired at the legs of Adam and his gang. Instantly the boys all started walking crazy, their knees knocking together, their feet flopping around, like they had no bones in them.
Finally, they all fell down and flopped around on the floor like fish on a beach.
“Gotta love the old Jelly Legger,” said Freddy.
“What is this stuff, magic?” screamed Adam.
“No, something far more powerful,” said Freddy. “The human brain.”
The jelly-leg effect finally wore off.
“Come on, men,” shouted Adam. They surged forward after Freddy and Howie.
“You’ll never catch us,” taunted Freddy. He and Howie raced off.
“Spread out,” ordered Adam. “We’ll try and outflank ’em.”
As he was sneaking through the barn, Adam got on his walkie-talkie. “Is Big Benny in place? Good. Wait until I give the signal. And get a hold of my Dad and tell him to get over here fast.”
One of the gang turned the corner and stopped when he saw a pair of eyes peeking out from the hay.
“All right, come out of there,” he ordered.
The small lump of hay rose up and walked toward him.
The boy pointed his paintball gun and laughed, “It must be little Howie Kapowie.”
Suddenly the hay flew off and there was a yellow head that was swelling up like a balloon being pumped full of air. Ziggy let out an ear-splitting scream, “AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!”
“That doesn’t scare me,” sneered the boy.
“Oh,” said Ziggy in his tiny voice. “How about this?” He smacked himself on the head and his face, arms, and legs fell off.
The boy screamed and shot away so fast he ran right out of his shoes.
“Uh, guys,” said Ziggy’s mouth as it lay on the floor. “I need some help over here.”
Another boy poked through some straw and then froze when he saw a pair of red feet. Suddenly out of the straw popped Si with a big smile. “Hey, you looking at me?” he said, laughing.
Then Si disappeared and Meese popped up with his droopy face. “Hey, you looking at me?” he whined.
The boy’s eyes grew bigger and bigger. Then both Si and Meese jumped in front of him and yelled, “RRRROOOOAAAARRRR.”
The boy turned and ran.
Two other gang members got the jump on Curly.
“OkaycatchmeifyoucanbutIdon’thinkyoucansothere,” mumbled Curly.
The two boys looked at each other. “Huh?” they both said.
Curly started running and they chased him. Curly looked back at them and started uncurling as he ran in circles while the boys tried to keep up. He was running so fast that the top of him came around behind the boys while the rest of him was still in front of them. He picked them up, running faster and faster in circles. Finally, Curly stopped and put the boys down. They were so dizzy they both fell over in a daze.
Another boy came face-to-face with Theodore. He pointed his paintball gun at him. “Hold it right there,” ordered the kid.
“Young man,” said Theodore in his deep, intellectual voice, “I seriously doubt that your parents would approve of this most distasteful conduct.”
“What’d you say?” said the boy.
“Let me put it this way. In the grand scheme of things, what does your membership in this ‘gang’ do for your long-term prospects of getting a good education and finding gainful employment and becoming a productive member of society?”
“Huh?” exclaimed the boy. He aimed his paintball gun.
“Now I know you don’t really want to shoot me with paint.”
“Yes I do.”
“Well, then you leave me no choice. I’ll apologize in advance.”
Right before the kid pulled the trigger, Theodore stuck his finger in the barrel. The paintball gun fired backward and covered the boy in blue paint.
“A particularly beautiful shade, if I do say so myself,” observed Theodore.
Meanwhile, Adam sneaked up behind Freddy, and pointed his paintball gun at him. “Hands up, Funkhouser. Now call all your freaky friends out here. I can’t wait to march them into the police station. I’ll be a hero.”
Instead of surrendering, Freddy shot into the air using his anti-gravity flight belt.
“You can’t catch me, Spanker,” laughed Freddy. “Whoops!” Freddy suddenly veered to the left and then to the right. He banged against one of the walls and then zoomed straight to the ceiling and slammed into it before he soared straight down.
“AAAHHHHH! Dad, I thought you fixed the flight belts,” screamed Freddy as he plummeted. Howie was on the ground taking aim at Adam Spanker with his Jelly Legger when Freddy crashed into him, and both boys fell to the hay-piled floor. When they looked up, they saw Adam Spanker staring at them, his paintball gun pointed at them.
“Now, I’ve got you two dorks!”
Adam couldn’t see it, but rising up behind him was something very big and very purple.
Freddy, who could see this, said, “Uh, Adam, I think you might want to get out of here.” Freddy pointed behind Adam.
Adam slowly turned, and his eyes grew huge. Wally was standing there staring at him. He was so big his head was touching the barn’s ceiling. He bent down so he was eye-to-eye with Adam and started sniffing him.
“Do you have any food?”
“NNN-OOOO,” stammered a terrified Adam.
“Too bad, because that means I’m gonna have to EAT YOU!” Wally opened his enormous mouth.
Adam let out the loudest bloodcurdling scream that Freddy had ever heard and ran out of the barn so fast that he left most of his clothes behind. As they watched him, Si said, “Hey, he’s wearing pink underwear.”
Freddy turned to Wally. “Thanks, Wally.”
“No problem, little dude.”
Curly mumbled, “UhguysIthinkwehaveabig problemrightbehindus.”
They all turned around and stared at what was coming right at them.
“Now you and your freaky friends are gonna get yours, Funky,” yelled Adam Spanker. “Meet Big Benny.”
Spanker’s gang was rolling in the biggest paintball cannon that Freddy had ever seen.
Howie took a step back. “This doesn’t look good, Freddy.”
“I’m gonna cover you and your whole farm with a really special kind of paint, Funky: the kind that stinks and doesn’t come off for at least a month,” crowed Adam.
“I’m not afraid of you, Spanker,” retorted Freddy.
“Oh yeah, why not?”
Wally answered. “Duh, because you’re wearing pink underwear, dude.”
Freddy, Howie, and the Fries all laughed.
Adam turned red. “Well, you won’t be laughing for long. He turned to the gang members operating the cannon. “Ready?”
“No!” shouted Howie, who backed away.
“Aim,” said Adam.
“Cease and desist immediately,” commanded Theodore, but he backed up too.
To protect the others, Freddy threw himself in front of the cannon. But then he felt something grab him and toss him out of the way. He landed in the hay and opened his eyes right as Adam yelled…
“Fire!”
Big Benny roared and the huge paint cannonball exploded out and… and…
“NOOO!” Freddy yelled.
The cannonball flew right into Wally’s enormous mouth. Everyone, including Adam and his gang, stood wide-eyed.