The Fries looked at one another. Nancy Funkhouser kept her arms folded over her chest and watched closely.
“Come on, fellows,” prompted the Judge.
“Right, go ahead, fellows. It’s okay,” said Alfred, “we have nothing to hide.”
The Fries still made no move to take off their costumes.
Nancy went over to Freddy and whispered fiercely, “Congratulations, you idiot. We’ll lose the Burger Castle, dad will go to jail, and we’ll be out on the street.”
“Shut up!” whispered Freddy fiercely. But he turned to the Fries with a defeated expression. “It’s all right, guys, take off your costumes.”
The Fries looked at one another and shrugged. Ziggy went first, unzipping his fry costume. When it hit the floor Adam shouted, “See!” And then he froze.
Ziggy stepped out of his costume and came forward. He had pale skin and dark black hair fashioned in a pompadour. He wore jeans, a plaid shirt, and tennis shoes.
Theodore undressed next and stepped forward. He wore a college sweater, khaki pants, and suede shoes. His hair was long and blond and he still wore his glasses. His skin was even paler than Ziggy’s.
After that it was Curly’s turn. He wore a bulky football jersey, his ball cap, sweatpants, and high-top basketball shoes. His skin was pale too, but with a greenish tinge.
“He has a cold,” explained Freddy.
Next, Si and Meese came out of their costume. They both had blonde hair and wore an orange jumpsuit and work boots. Their skin was very tanned.
“They work outside a lot,” said Freddy.
“It has two heads,” exclaimed Chief Spanker.
“They’re Siamese twins, Spanker,” said the judge angrily.
“Or ‘conjoined,’ as we like to say,” Si commented.
Finally, big Wally took off his costume. Everyone gasped. Wally was wearing a long-sleeved flowered cotton dress that, fortunately, went down to his ankles. He had big red hair, huge eyelashes, and his feet were mashed into high heels.
Judge Thackery finally pulled his gaze away from Wally and tapped Adam on the shoulder. “Do you know that it’s illegal to file a false police report, Spanker?” said Judge Thackery testily as he gazed first at Adam and then at his father. “You can go to jail for that,” continued Judge Thackery. “I want you both in my courtroom first thing Monday morning, and I’ll decide your punishment.”
Freddy watched as, one by one, Adam’s gang slipped out the door and ran away. Chief Spanker drew Alfred to the side. “I’ll get you for this, Funkhouser, if it’s the last thing I do.”
Adam grabbed Freddy and said, “You’re dead, Funky.”
Something hit him from behind and spun him around. Freddy thought for sure it was one of the Fries, but it wasn’t. It was his sister.
“Here, you big ape, try this.” Nancy pulled out a pill slinger and shot a capsule into Adam’s mouth. Unable to help himself, he swallowed it and immediately turned green.
He grabbed his throat. “You’ve poisoned me!”
“No, it’s just a little burp pill. Oh, excuse me, I mean a little pooper pill.”
Adam’s face scrunched up and he balled his fists, but then he gulped, his eyes grew very big, and he took off running and screaming, “I need a bathroom!”
“Son,” yelled Chief Spanker. “You come back here.” He took off running too while the Pookesville Tattler photographer snapped their picture.
As soon as they were gone, everyone in the Burger Castle started cheering. Wally lifted Freddy onto his shoulders and paraded around with him.
The reporter came over to the Funkhousers. “The story’ll run tomorrow. It should help your business.” He looked around at the happy crowd munching away. “Although it doesn’t look like you need any help with that.”
Alfred joined Freddy and said, “I want to hire your friends to work here full-time.” He paused and added, “You never did tell me their names.”
Freddy pointed to them as he said their names: “Ziggy, Theodore, Si, Meese, Curly, and Wall – I mean, Wilma.”
“Perfectly perfect. They make the best fries I’ve ever seen. Why, it was like they were born for the role.”
“Dad, you have no idea.”
Alfred Funkhouser started to walk off and then turned back and said in a low voice, “Oh, Freddy, go ahead and give your sister back her costumes. I’ll get some other clothes for the Fries so people won’t find out what they really are. And they can live in your lab until we figure something else out. Who knew that nanotechnology combined with my super-secret potatoes would have such an interesting application.”
As his father walked off smiling, Freddy reminded himself that his dad was the smartest person he knew.
Just then Freddy felt a poke in his back. He turned around to find his sister staring at him. “Thanks for helping me out with Adam,” he said.
“Well, I just wanted you to know that while I still think you’re a little brat, what you did was, like, really… cool.” She smiled for an instant before scowling. “And if you tell anybody I told you that, I’ll cream you!”
She flounced off, but without saying “Hmmpphh!” or even “Deee-ssssgggusting.”
Freddy couldn’t believe it. Had his sister just said something nice to him?
After closing up, Alfred and Nancy drove the station wagon back to the farm. Freddy wanted to walk home with his friends. They came out of the Burger Castle still dressed in their clothes and makeup.
Wally looked down at the moat. “Is that ice cream down there?” he asked, smacking his big lips.
“No, it’s a Vroom shake my dad makes. This month’s flavor is tangerine marmalade.”
“MMMM. Me love tangerine marmalade.” Then Wally made a face. “Ouchie-oochie!’ as he teetered around on his high heels. “How do people walk in these things?”
“How do you like wearing a dress, Wally?” asked Ziggy.
“A dress!” exclaimed a horrified Wally. “I thought this thing was a food bib.”
“And your name is Wilma, at least at the Burger Castle,” said Freddy.
They crossed the drawbridge and Freddy hit a button on his remote control to raise it.
“I want to thank you guys for all you’ve done,” said Freddy.
“Well, that’s what friends are for,” said Si. “And we’re the happiest friends you’ll ever have.”
“Speak for yourself,” whined Meese.
“You know, at first I just wanted to help my family by inventing you guys,” admitted Freddy. “And then I forgot about that and I just wanted to be rich and famous.”
“And now?” asked Theodore.
“And now, I’m just glad that we’re all friends together, even if nobody else knows what you really are.” He put out his hand. “All Fries for one and – wait a minute, where’s Wally?”
Then they heard an enormous splash. Freddy and the others were instantly drenched by a huge wave of something.
Freddy sputtered and swallowed some of the stuff. “Tangerine marmalade! Oh no, don’t tell me he -”
“Yep,” mumbled Curly, “He’sintheredrinkingthemoat.”
“WAALLY!” they all yelled, and jumped in after him.
David Baldacci
