e and the air conditioner has to be on for him when nobody’s home.” “But they should do this for two months when to get him it’ll be two-and-a-half hours out of our way at the most? Even if it comes to three-and-a-half hours, so what? If you want to do the right thing you have to pay for it sometimes.” “Yeah, I know, you’re right, but we have dinner reservations for six-thirty, I want to go to the beach with the kids for an hour before dinner and they want to too. I want to have a drink after a long trip and read the paper—” “We could always go to another restaurant there or Cape Porpoise for dinner as you said, and the rest of your entertainment you’ll have to skip this once.” ‘It’s June 30th, Friday, no less, the beginning of one of the peak vacation weeks of the summer. Suppose all of Cape Porpoise is booked tonight? We know nothing about the place except it has a couple of fish restaurants. And with dainty and dapper Kennebunkport we know all the decent restaurants will be filled around eight. Especially at eight. That’s when they finish their cocktails and want to eat after a long day in their gardens and on their patios and tennis courts and boats, and which is around the time we’d be getting there if we drove back now for the turtle.” “So well stop for dinner at a nice place on the way.” “I don’t want to get off the road except for water stops and a quick lunch till we get there.” “Then we’ll find a drive-in or diner in Kennebunkport like the Country View, bring beer and wine to it in paper bags if we have to, because I know that drinking with your dinner’s one of your main considerations—” “It is, I like it with my dinner but right now it’s not the point.” “Yay, please let’s go to one of those other Country Views,” Olivia says. “Nothing. I don’t want to hear anything from you kids, now listen to me.” “Don’t shout,” Eva says. “I already told you so.” “And I told you. Mommy and I are talking.” “You’re shouting.” “We’re discussing. Now both of you, shut up. I’m sorry, but be quiet.” “Don’t scold them,” Denise says. “They’re not doing anything. Anyway, we can’t ask the Matlocks — it’s just too long — and Frog can’t be left there and I can’t come up with any other solution but going back — We’re coming up on an exit.” “There are exits every mile or so on the Merritt and, if I remember, on the Wilbur Cross, so don’t worry.” “You’re making it worse for yourself. Further we go, less you’ll feel — there’s a sign for the Stratford theater now.” “I see it.” “Less you’ll feel like turning around.” “We have to turn around, Dada,” Olivia says. “We have to get Frog.” “I got it,” he says. “Your mother. She’d do it, wouldn’t she, take care of him — your folks?” “I think so,” Denise says. “But they’re going to one of their Polish hotels for two weeks in August and middle of July she’s spending a week with us.” “Your father can take care of him when she’s with us and we’ll worry about the Polish hotel later. Their cleaning lady — someone, one of their neighbors, or the Matlocks then. I know it’ll be a pain in the butt for them all and I’m sorry, but we’ll try to make it as easy as we can. They can give it to the Matlocks for those two weeks if their vacations don’t coincide. If they do, the Leventhals or someone, or I’m sure even my brother will drive down and take him for two weeks and maybe till the end of the summer if I really ask him and his vacation doesn’t fall in with theirs. And we’ll take care of the cab fare and everything else from our place to your mother’s and back to the Matlocks and so on. She can get the keys from the doorman. Tobley — he’s on till four today. If she can’t pick up the turtle by then, we’ll tell him to tell the doorman who succeeds him to give it to her. Or she can go up and get it herself with the spare keys, but we’ll have to call Tobley first for I’m sure he won’t give the keys to her unless we tell him.” “I don’t want her going upstairs and gathering up Frog and his bowl and food and carrying it to the cab; too exerting and heavy.” “Then Tobley or the other doorman or one of the porters will do it. I’ll tell him on the phone I’ll send him something. And till then he can keep the turtle downstairs in their little office till your mother or father comes, or go upstairs and get it when they come.” “Good, that’s what we’ll do. Stop at the next service station so we can phone everyone. You have the downstairs phone number?” “In my address book in my work bag. Or if I didn’t transfer it to the new book, which I’m almost positive I did, we can always get it through New York information under ‘Apartment Buildings,’ I think. Something like that. I did it once. Wait — oh crap. The doormen don’t have the spare set. We do, unless you took it out of the saucer on the piano and brought it down — remember?” “Remember what?” she says. “You forgot your keys — two days ago — and the doorman gave you the one spare set they have and you told me to bring it down yesterday and I forgot and last night you said for me to make sure to do it today, but you didn’t when you were leaving?” “No.” “So it’s there. Don’t the Matlocks have a spare set?” “They did but I asked for it back when I forgot my keys last week — I was upstairs when I realized it and rang their apartment and got them.” “Where’s that set now?” “In my purse probably.” “So why didn’t you use it to let yourself in the other day when you got the spare set from the doorman?” “I don’t know if I had that purse with me, but anyway, I forgot it was in it till now.” “Then I don’t know what to do.” “No, come on, we have to think of something — you’ve been great at it.” “Then this. I’ll call Tobley and have him get a spare set from management and even if it takes two days — we can tell him we’ll pay for messenger or livery service of the keys to the building — the turtle will still be alive. After all, he’s a turtle, and possibly a hibernating animal, or even if he isn’t or only hibernates in the winter — built for surviving under uncertain or changeable conditions. And everything won’t dry up or run out in a day and a half.” “But you know with management it could take three to four days. And if it gets very hot and with the windows up except for an inch in the kitchen, Frog might die.” “Turtles love hot humid weather.” “But if it gets too hot and humid in the room over a few days the oxygen in his bowl could evaporate, or whatever oxygen does — disappear — along with the water. And he’ll die that way and I don’t want the doorman — well I first don’t want Frog to die — but I don’t want the doorman to have to deal with that. It wouldn’t be fair. And suppose management can’t come up with a spare set? You know they’re totally disorganized and indifferent except for the first-of-the-month rent envelope in your box and an eviction notice if you haven’t paid in five days.” “Then break down the goddamn door, I’ll tell them.” “Fine if it’s your door, but they won’t do it for a turtle even if you say you’ll pay for it. No, that’s something where you have to slip the super some money and right on the spot and then later pay management for the door.” “So let’s stop off at a town near here and send the keys express through the post office to the doorman and then call Tobley to say it’s coming. He or one of the other doormen will get it tomorrow.” “Suppose they don’t?” she says. “There could be any number of mixups. The wrong doorman might get it and not know what to do with it — a substitute, which there often is and especially during vacation time and sometimes they even have one of the porters take over for an afternoon or day. Or maybe the doorman Tobley tells you will be on and that’s the one you address it to, might call in sick or the schedule’s been changed and Tobley doesn’t know this fellow’s off. So it just stays around waiting for him.” “Then I’ll tell Tobley to have tomorrow’s doormen look out for the express mail addressed to ‘Doorman,’ and even for the porter-substitute, if there’s one, to look out for it.” “That’d be too vague. That doorman or porter might not want to deal with something he doesn’t know about or that might entail extra work for him. Or if it’s delivered around four or five, the evening doorman might just leave it for the morning one, and the morning one, well I don’t know — it might get lost by then.” “It won’t. And I’ll have Tobley follow up on it. And this is express mail we’re talking about, not regular, so no four or five delivery but usually around noon.” “Express isn’t always express. And why are you so sure a small town around here will have express mail? We could be spending as much time looking for a post office as it would take to get back to New York.” “All towns of a certain size do, and if the one we go to doesn’t, we’ll ask in that post office for a town that does. It shouldn’t take us very long.” “Why are you so sure it’ll get to the city the next day and not Monday?” “It’s delivered every day, Sunday included I’m almost sure of — yes, Sunday too; in fact it’s the only kind of mail delivered that day, or maybe special delivery too. And this is Connecticut, one state over from New York, so it has to get there the next day.” “Maybe not from one small town to a big city. But look, what I’m reallly saying, Howard, is we shouldn’t rely on it completely, even if we called the Matlocks, knew they’d be home tomorrow and Sunday and sent the keys to them to give to the doorman to get Frog for my mother or to get and keep him for most of the summer themselves. And if the keys don’t get there by Sunday—” “They’ll be there tomorrow.” “—the earliest Frog could be rescued would be Monday. And if it’s this hot and sticky today and it’s not even noon, and we’re on a mostly shaded road with our windows down and further north now and in the country, it’s bound to get even worse in the city the next two days, so it could be too late to get Frog by then. So we have to go back, please.” “Your argument’s absurd, or pushing it, or something, but just words to persuade me, no matter how sincere you are about getting him.” “We have to go back, please — also because I don’t feel it fair to burden anyone about this but ourselves. Pay attention. Wilbur Cross ahead and the road to 95, so let’s find a way to turn around now.” “It doesn’t make any sense to me, it just doesn’t. I’m continuing on Wilbur but don’t worry, if we decide on turning around the next exit should only be a few minutes from here and the one after that another few minutes and so on. But what I’m trying to say is three, if I exceed the speed limit a lot, but more likely four hours, and for a turtle? I don’t feel anything for him. I’d say to forget the whole thing and leave him there for the summer except I don’t want to think about the mess it’ll make for two months and then have to come back to it and clean it up. Nor do I want his carcass and stuff stinking up the building and for the doormen or porters to have to deal with it — maybe even breaking down the door if they don’t immediately find our keys, and then we’ll be out a couple of hundred bucks. But he doesn’t do anything but crap and eat and move around a little and occasionally snap at imaginary flying bugs and we shouldn’t even have him. People shouldn’t have pets, period, unless they need them for seeing-eye dogs or extreme loneliness or fighting off criminals, and those aren’t our problems.” “All that we can discuss some other time.” “But why did we get him? The girls were sad. Because it was him or a yapping bird because we lost the cats, which after a long enough mourning period I can say I never really liked and who were a stiff pain and I did most of the taking care of and cleaning up for—” “Another time.” “OK. He’s practically nothing to me. And why shouldn’t he be? He’s so insentient he wouldn’t know he was being hurt and dying if I did it with my own hands, I think.” “Right, and lobsters don’t either. Which is why you drop them into boiling water so easily” “What are you talking? I don’t even eat them at other people’s homes.” “That’s what I’m saying. You know Frog would feel pain if you dropped a drop of hot water on him and if there was no air, suffocation, and other things. That he’s aware we’re gone and not there to feed him, I don’t know; but that there’s nothing to eat, when that happens, and he’s hungry and then starving-come on. But we’ll improve things to make him more active and his life better. First, a bigger tank.” “Oh, I’m sure along the way.” “No, after we’re up there a day or so — during our big shop. It’s been on my mind a long time. We should let him walk around the room every day, in Maine or in the city. And in the country we said we’d let him go on the grass sometimes and in the lake, or salt water — whichever he can take; we’ll have to find out.” “I want to walk Frog on the grass,” Olivia says. “I don’t want him to die.” “So do I,” Eva says. “Frog shouldn’t die, right, Olivia?” “Right.” “Listen, everybody, please, hush for a minute,” he says. “I’m thinking of some other solution but going back for him.” “No other,” Denise says. “Next exit, we have to turn around.” “If we go back to New York will I miss my rainbow sherbert?” Eva says. “Almost everything will be the same except later,” Denise says. “Probably at a different restaurant, so regular sherbet or ice cream instead of rainbow. Or so much later that we’ll be eating on the way, so we’ll have to skip dessert tonight to get back on the road and in the Green Heron before your father gets too tired driving. But that means we’ll get something like it or the same thing tomorrow or the next day at a different place — Dick’s in Ellsworth, when we do that big shop there.” “I don’t want to miss dessert,” Olivia says. “So you think we should let Frog die in our apartment because you want dessert?” “I didn’t say that.” “Then what are you saying? It’s a long trip back to New York. And then a long trip back to where we are right now. And maybe even a longer trip to get right here because by then a lot more people will be heading out for the long weekend—” “Oh Christ, I forgot all about that,” he says. “It’ll be hell, and by the time we got to Hartford or New Haven, even worse, and when we got to the Maine border, the absolute pits.” “And your father will keep saying we could have been here three hours ago or so, four hours, etcetera, even five — we might as well prepare ourselves for five — besides what hell he’ll say it’ll be when we pass Portsmouth and are getting close to the Maine border and that once wonderfully freeing bridge. But when we get to the Mass. Pike exit he’ll really let me have it. For then he’ll recall the up-till-then worst driving mistake we’ve ever made together — I made, he’ll insinuate. But we can’t let an animal die because it’ll be convenient for us, can we? Sherbets over turtles — are we kidding? If Frog were a frog I’d say I don’t know but I’d probably go back for it. If Frog were a worm I’d say let it go. It’s small, it’d decompose fast, there wouldn’t be that much of a smell, certainly not enough to break down a door for, and it’s nowhere near as developed as a frog or turtle.” “The turtle isn’t so developed,” he says, “at least on the brain scale.” “It’s developed enough. It sleeps, it feels fear, it makes love, it lays eggs, it sits on them and fights off predators, and when they’re hatched it turns the little turtles around in the right direction to the ocean if that’s what kind of turtle or tortoise it is. It doesn’t come when you call or lick your fingers after you feed it but it’s smarter than a lot of us think. I’ve seen a film—” “Public TV again, where we get all our learning it seems.” “Don’t be like that,” she says, “you sound awful.” “I saw that film program too,” Olivia says. “Most of the babies couldn’t find the ocean and the mother kept pushing, and one time a bird caught one of them.” “I saw that too,” Eva says.