Little Lion’s fine, I said, but Wang Gan has been gaga over her for more than a decade. I can’t steal a girl from a friend.
Wang Gan? Gugu remarked. He’s the proverbial toad wanting to taste the swan’s flesh. If there’s anyone Little Lion won’t marry, it’s Wang Gan! His father hobbles over to the health centre every market day, bent at the waist, cane in hand, to make a scene and blacken my name. And for years, mind you! He’s gotten no less than eight hundred yuan in nutritional expenses from the centre.
That Wang Jiao, Mother said, is pretty good at faking things.
Pretty good? Gugu railed. He’s a master of the art. He takes the money he extracted from me to the market to feast on braised meat and strong liquor until he’s drunk, at which time his back is straight and he zips around the market. Tell me why I’ve bumped into scoundrels like that all my life. Then there’s that bastard Xiao Shangchun, who damn near killed me during the Cultural Revolution, and now struts around like a lord and master, waving his palm-leaf fan as he enjoys the good life at home. I hear his son has tested into college. Is that right? What happened to the old saying that ‘good is rewarded with good, evil with evil’? The good people suffer, the rotten eggs live like kings, that’s what. People still get what’s coming to them, Mother said. It just takes time. How much time? Gugu asked her. My hair has already turned white!
After Gugu left, Mother said, Your aunt has not had an easy life. Someone said Yang Lin came to see her after what happened, I said. That’s what she told me, Mother confirmed. By then he’d been promoted to the position of district commissioner, and arrived in a chauffeured sedan. He apologised to your aunt and told her he was willing to marry her to make up for his behaviour during the Cultural Revolution. Your aunt sent him away.
As we were sighing over Gugu’s misfortunes, Wang Renmei came barging in the door. Aunty, she said to Mother, I hear that your Xiaopao is searching high and low for a wife. How about me?
I thought you were spoken for, young lady.
I broke it off, she said. He’s a latter-day Chen Shimei, the storybook character who deserted his wife when he became a high official.
Mother said, How could he drop you just because he’s going to college?
He didn’t drop me, Renmei said, I dropped him. So he’s going to college. What’s the big deal? Firecrackers, movies, I’ve never seen such insolence! Xiaopao’s better than that. He’s an army officer without having to blow his own horn. As soon as he came home, he went into the field to work.
You’re too good for Xiaopao, young lady, Mother said.
I guess we’re going to have to ask Xiaopao what he thinks, Aunty. Xiaopao, what do you say — I’ll be your wife and present you with a champion athlete son.
You’re on! I said, gazing at her legs.
2
The weather was bleak on my wedding day. Dark clouds gathered as thunder rumbled. When the thunder ended, a downpour followed.
Yuan Sai said he’d picked a fine, auspicious day for you to get married, Mother complained, but what we got was flooded streets.
At ten o’clock Wang Renmei arrived during a cloudburst in the company of two female cousins. In their raingear they looked like dike control volunteers. A plastic tent with a stove inside had been thrown up in our yard. I was on my haunches stoking a fire with a bellows to boil water. My cousin Wuguan (Facial Features), who was known for speaking his mind, said: What’s a hero of the self-defence-counterattack conflict doing crouched down by a stove to heat water when his bride-to-be has arrived? Then come take my place, I said. No, your mother put me in charge of the firecrackers, which will require all my skills in this rain-squall. Wuguan, Mother called from the doorway, stop the idle chatter. It’s time for the firecrackers. He reached under his coat and removed a string of firecrackers wrapped in plastic. After he lit the fuse, he held the string in his hand — no pole for him — opened an umbrella, and leaned out into the rain to set them off. The pounding water kept the gunpowder residue from spreading beyond him. Wuguan, kids cried out as they clapped their hands and stomped their feet, all soaked to the skin, Wuguan, you’re turning green! What are those pathetic excuses for children shouting? Mother remarked.
This is how it was supposed to happen: the bride was to say nothing as she entered the house and went straight to the wedding chamber, where she sat on the kang to wait, what’s known as ‘sitting in bed’. But Wang Renmei stopped as soon as she was in the yard to watch Wuguan do his thing. His face was blackened by the firecracker residue, as if he’d stepped out from a stove. That made her laugh. She ignored the tugs on her sleeves by the bridesmaids. Her high-heeled plastic shoes made her taller than ever, tall and straight as a tree. Wuguan looked her up and down. Anyone who wants to kiss you, good Sister-in-law, will have to stand on a ladder! he quipped. Be quiet, Wuguan, Mother demanded. You’re a moron, Wuguan, Wang Renmei said. Wang Dan and Chen Bi don’t need a ladder when they kiss! Hearing the bride trading quips with her soon-to-be brother-in-law in the yard had the older women whispering among themselves. I emerged from the tent with my coal shovel. Our hero has emerged! the clapping, stomping kids cried out. Here’s our hero!
I was wearing a new uniform, with a Merit Third Class medal pinned to my chest, my face as black as soot, coal shovel in hand, looking like a freak of nature. Wang Renmei doubled over laughing. I was so confused I didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. She seemed to be losing her mind. Take her inside this minute! Mother insisted. Madam, I said to Renmei with dripping sarcasm, the wedding chamber awaits. It’s too stuffy in there, she said. It’s nice and cool out here. Ao! Ao! Ao! the clamouring kids shouted. I ran inside, grabbed a gourdful of sweets, then stood in the doorway and flung them down the lane. When the kids swarmed over to fight for them in the mud, I grabbed Renmei by the wrist and pulled her inside, unfortunately banging her head with a loud thump as she went through the low door. Ouch! she complained. Damn you, you’ve cracked my head open. The older women laughed so hard they were rocking back and forth.
The room was too small for so many people. We could hardly turn around. The three young women took off their dripping raingear, but the only place they could hang it was over the door. The floor was wet to begin with, and the muddy soles of their shoes had made a real mess. Piled high at the head of a kang barely two square metres were four new quilts, two bed mats, two woollen blankets, and two pillows, all from Renmei’s family; they nearly touched the ceiling. The moment Renmei sat down, she shouted, Damn, this is no bed, it’s a frying pan!
This comment so incensed Mother that she banged her cane on the floor. Frying pan or no, you sit there! We’ll see if it manages to cook your butt.
That too made Renmei laugh. Xiaopao, she said under her breath, your mother has a great sense of humour. But if my butt really does get cooked, how will I give you your champion athlete?
I was so mad I was getting dizzy. But I couldn’t show it on such an auspicious day, so I reached out to touch the bed surface. It burned my finger. All the aunts and grannies in the family were expecting to eat, so the stove never had a chance to cool down — steaming buns, stir frying vegetables, boiling noodles — until the bed mat nearly melted. I took one of the quilts from the pile, folded it into a square, and laid it on the bed against the wall. Madam, I said, please take your seat. She giggled. Xiaopao, she said, you’re a riot, calling me madam. Follow local customs and call me daughter-in-law or, like you used to, Renmei. I didn’t know what to say. With a crazy bride like her, what could I say? My sarcasm in calling her madam had gone right over her head, and she didn’t realise I was unhappy with her. All right, I said, Daughter-in-law Renmei, please take your seat. With help from the two bridesmaids, I took off her shoes and her soaked stockings so she could climb up onto the bed. She immediately stood up, her head nearly touching the ceiling. In that cramped little room, she looked taller than ever, so tall the calves of her crane legs seemed to disappear. And her feet — they were almost as big as mine — two large, bare feet dancing on a little kang. By custom, the bridesmaids were supposed to sit next to the bride, but there was no room, so one of them stood by the wall, the other sat on the very edge of the kang. To show off, Renmei stood on tiptoes to see if she could touch the ceiling with her head. It was all a game to her — walking on tiptoes in circles and jumping up and down to bump the ceiling with her head. With her hand on the doorframe, Mother stuck her head in. Daughter-in-law, she said, if you ruin the kang, where will you sleep tonight? If it’s broken, she giggled, I’ll sleep on the floor.