For a short while Kev, Lorraine and Kim spent some time talking to them. Jaxxon found them to be pretty down-to-earth people. Kev actually made her think of Roland, only he was without that geeky intelligence that she found Roland adorable for having. While the boys talked ‘cars’, Lorraine and Kim asked Jaxxon and Anna about modelling and Ollie. Then Lorraine begged Jaxxon to tell her if the rumours that once circulated about her and Bruno had any truth in them. Instantly Connor, who had obviously been keeping one ear on the conversation, tugged her to him and said he wanted her to himself now. Rather than be offended, Lorraine and Kim had said ‘awww’. Jaxxon didn’t see what was sweet about that.
It occurred to Connor that he had been experiencing a lot of first times on this trip. Here was another: he actually felt uncomfortable by the presence on an ex-acquaintance. He didn’t remember much about her other than her name being Elena. Or maybe it was Elaine. Suddenly he actually felt ashamed of the life he’d led. A life that he would at some point go back to, but he wouldn’t go back to it the same person. No, because Jaxx would take a chunk of him with her when she left his life, she just wouldn’t know it.
Jaxxon picked up as easily on his discomfort as she did on the snarl coming from the voluptuous red-head at the bar who looked ready to gouge someone’s eyes out. “I can’t work out whether that snarl is directed at me or you. I take it that you were going through a period of having low standards when you shagged that one.”
“I forgot how cute you are when you’re jealous.”
Her eyes snapped up to his. Amusement was plastered over his face. “Jealous?”
“You’ve got that same look you used to get when we were younger whenever the girl who lived next-door used to shout ‘hi’ to me. You even called her a slag for it once.”
She ignored Warren and Anna’s giggles. “I just didn’t like her, that’s all.”
“I only used to smile at her to wind you up so I could see that look on your face that you’re wearing right now.”
“I’m not jealous, I just don’t like being snarled at which I’d say makes me pretty normal.”
“Forgive me for not feeling sympathetic but I have to put up with you getting ogled all the time. Not that I blame the oglers, especially while you’re in that dress that is, in fact, a creation of the Devil. Come here.” He leaned in but she shuffled to the other end of the sofa.
“No. It’s about time you learned to exercise some self-control, McKenzie. Besides” – she pointed at the bottle of lager that he had in his hand – “I don’t want to take advantage.”
He leaned in again. “Have the advantage, take it, I don’t want it.”
“Hands off you randy sod,” she giggled. “I need a pee, I’ll be back in a minute. Hopefully you’ll have some self-control by then.”
Anna got up to follow her but then paused as she reached Connor. Seeing that Jaxxon was out of hearing range, she said to him, “Don’t give her anymore emotional bruises.”
His brow creased. “Excuse me?”
Yeah, it was fair to say her words had come out of nowhere, but as she’d watched the playful exchanges between Connor and Jaxxon she’d saw something: Jaxxon loved this bloke, she just didn’t realise it yet. “I don’t want her hurt.”
“Are we really having this conversation?” Was he really being given ‘the talk’ by an eighteen year old girl?
“People meet her and think she can’t be hurt. So did I, but I’ve learnt that what makes her tough is that when she is hurt she deals with it.”
“I don’t need a lesson on Jaxx, alright. I know her a lot better than you.”
“Oh so then you know why she shies away from social touches? You know why she refuses to celebrate her birthday? You know why the smell of Vodka makes her wince?” His expression asked her to verify she was serious. She nodded. “I’m just making the point that you might have known her inside out once, but you’ve been out of her life for eight years.”
And he hated himself for it. “Has she ever…Has she ever talked to you about…”
“About whatever went on that makes her hold a huge piece of herself back from everyone?” She shook her head. “But something happened to her, Connor. Something bad, I can tell that much. I’ve never asked her about it. I know that if she wants to tell me, she will. But I’m starting to think it’s not something she’ll ever want to tell. That’s what you have to accept. You might never know.”
He sighed. “Look, if it makes you feel any better and puts an end to this awkward talk, I’ve already told Jaxx I won’t pressure her again. The…arrangement we have is simple enough so I don’t see how she can be hurt.”
Anna regarded him through narrowed eyes. When she’d first seen Connor acting all weird and possessive with Jaxxon she thought it was because he wanted her to belong to him, but soon she realised that he believed she already was his. She couldn’t understand how he could be prepared to walk away from someone so important to him. “If either of you think that telling yourselves it’s not a real relationship means you’re emotionally protected, you’re wrong.” With that, she quickly made her way to the ladies’ restrooms, only to find Jaxxon conversing with someone begrudgingly. Lotti spun and smiled at Anna, offering a ‘hi there’. Her voice was friendly but Anna detected an undercurrent of deviousness.
“Alright Anna,” said Jaxxon, observing her apprehensiveness. She couldn’t blame her. This woman had something to say and Jaxxon was getting brassed off with how long Lotti was taking to spit it out. “Lotti, this is Anna. She’s also a model.”
“I don’t know how you guys do it. I’m forever getting my photo taken and it drives me insane, I could never stand there all day in various poses. But we use what God gives us, don’t we, even when he doesn’t give us much to work with.”
Jaxxon almost growled. Although the words sounded harmless enough, there was an insinuation there in her tone and gaze that there wasn’t much more to models than their appearance – something which Anna feared Warren thought. It wasn’t the only buttered up insult Lotti had delivered in the past few minutes. This was what annoyed Jaxxon so much about this world; no one was straight with anyone and, for some reason, they seemed to think that backward insults were very clever. “You know, I heard that most singers aren’t actually singing live, even when they claim to be. Is that true?” A brief, quiet laugh escaped Anna. “I suppose it must be to stop you from getting things like Laryngitis all the time.”
Although Lotti hadn’t yet managed to intimidate Jaxxon, she didn’t let it faze her. “I’ll admit my career choice isn’t all rosy. It’s definitely not the best lifestyle. You hardly sleep, hardly have any time to socialise because you’re just constantly on the road.”
“It must get a bit lonely,” said Anna with fake sympathy.
“Oh yes it does. Whenever I’ve had a boyfriend it’s been disastrous. They expect to come first and I didn’t work so hard to get where I am to push it all aside like that, you know.”
Anna and Jaxxon both nodded, silently wishing she’d just come out with it.
“And you never know who’s around you because they want to be and who just wants what publicity will be in it for them if they are.” Again Anna and Jaxxon nodded. “That’s why I’ve always understood why people like Connor McKenzie and Dane Andrews live the way they do – no attachments, no commitments.”
‘Live the way they do’, not ‘used to do’. Oh. Now Jaxxon understood what Lotti was all about; she didn’t believe that Connor had suddenly changed just like that. Jaxxon had to give her credit where it was due.