Frenetic applause surged through the room. Werner kept quiet. He couldn’t condone such a heinous strategy, but neither could he refuse. Glancing at the men present he recognized deep-rooted fanaticism in the eyes of each one of them, apart from the young woman who’d spoken up earlier.
The renewed enthusiasm about the new direction their campaign was taking was palpable in the room. He had never felt more ashamed of his comrades – and of himself – than at this very moment.
“Well then it’s decided. Everything is allowed, as long as it ensures our victory. Go out and do your work,” Orlovski said, concluding the meeting.
Chapter 19
As much as Marlene avoided Werner, she secretly longed to see him. But since the Kommandatura had announced the elections to the City Council this coming October 20th, he rarely showed up at the university.
The times she saw him, she quickly looked away and pretended not to notice, despite having waited for this one glimpse for days. Her emotions were infuriating. Despite her best intentions she’d started reading Anna Segher’s novel, especially after she’d found comments in his handwriting on the pages.
His remarks were so thoughtful and showed so much concern for the general wellbeing of the people, she found it difficult to reconcile with the calculating behavior he practiced these days.
In spite of his pleas, she had not relayed his warning to Georg, since she refused to become a stooge for the communist cause. And nothing had happened either, which only proved her point. In fact, due to the upcoming elections, the student board members had diverted their focus to helping their preferred parties, in the certainty that with a new city council other things would change too.
Almost without noticing, summer break had sneaked up on them and Lotte said, “It’s kind of sad not to come here for the next weeks.”
Marlene laughed. “What’s sad about not having to work, attend classes and study twenty-four hours a day plus running errands and doing chores in the night?”
Lotte joined her laughter. “You’re right. Working only one job will be a reprieve, but I will miss seeing my friends.”
“Why can’t you see your friends?” Marlene asked, slightly confused. “Are you traveling?”
“As if anyone could travel these days.” Lotte moved her head the same way Marlene always did when she threw her hair behind her shoulder. It was a peculiar and forlorn gesture, since Lotte wore her hair almost as short as a man’s.
“Why did you cut your hair?” Marlene asked without thinking.
“Because…” The happy laughter fell from Lotte’s face. “…it was the right thing to do.” Her curt answer clearly indicated that she wouldn’t discuss this topic any further and Marlene wondered what lay beneath the funny, witty, tough, impulsive and caring surface of her friend.
Lotte rarely, if ever, talked about her past and the only thing Marlene knew was that she’d spent some time in a concentration camp. Her entire body shivered at the thought. Two of her new friends, Lotte and Georg, had been camp inmates during Hitler’s reign, while she had never given a single thought to what really happened inside the barbed wire fence.
She’d unquestioningly believed the story told by her parents, teachers and the press, that those were prisons to re-educate the workshy, homosexuals, asocials and other elements that posed a danger to the German people.
Now that the truth had been unearthed, all the little signs here and there made sense. The skeletal people in striped prison garb cleaning the rubble after each air raid, the hollow eyes begging for food, the…
“Hey? Are you okay?” Lotte asked, grabbing her arm. “You’re suddenly white as a sheet.”
Marlene shook her head to disperse the troubling images. “I’m fine, really.”
“You sure, you don’t want to sit down?”
“Yes. Let’s go outside, I probably am just overtired,” she lied. Because, what should she tell her friend? That she felt guilty and ashamed for not having noticed? For not having paid attention? And if she had… what would she have done? Looked away like everyone else? Another icy shiver ran down her spine and filled her legs with jelly.
With her last ounce of strength, she pulled herself together and followed Lotte outside into the sunshine.
In front of the university, hundreds of workers, mostly women, were busy clearing rubble from a ruin. They formed a long chain from the top of the rubble mountain all the way down to the street where a truck was parked, eager to gobble up all the demolition waste.
“How amazing it’s going to be when all the destruction is cleared and we have buildings and streets again,” Lotte said as Marlene pictured the scene.
“It’ll be many years before this happens,” she said, wearily. “Some days I can’t envision any more how a real city with real buildings looks like.”
“You certainly need a break.” The short moment of gloom had passed, and Lotte was as upbeat as usual. “Let’s go somewhere nice.”
“Somewhere nice? Like where?” Marlene suddenly felt the burden of the entire world resting on her shoulders, wondering whether she could ever feel happy again. It was very much unlike her, and she began to worry that something was messing with her head.
“Yes. Let’s go to the lake,” Lotte jumped up as if she was sitting on a swarm of bumblebees. “I know a place where we can swim.”
“Swim? But… I don’t have a bathing suit.”
“You don’t need one, we’ll stay in our knickers,” Lotte giggled.
The suggestion was so outrageous Marlene felt herself blushing furiously. But Lotte seemed not to notice and insisted, “Let’s go.”
“Right now?”
“Yes, right now. Wasn’t this our last day of school and don’t we have the entire afternoon off? And isn’t the sun shining like crazy, personally urging us to go have a swim?” Lotte wouldn’t be deterred. Once this girl had made up her mind, she was harder to derail than a tank moving at full speed.
They took the bus to the huge Wannsee lake and just like Lotte had promised they found a secluded spot devoid of any other people. Lotte stripped down to her knickers and camisole and jumped right into the water, but Marlene couldn’t bring herself to do the same. She took off only her shoes and socks, gathered her skirt and cooled down her legs up to the knees in the refreshing water.
Later, they lazed in the sun, doing absolutely nothing at all for the first time in months. Exhausted from months of sleep deprivation, Marlene dozed off until she felt Lotte’s arm on her shoulder. “Hey sleepyhead, we need to return home.”
“Have I slept the entire afternoon?” Marlene asked, stupefied.
“Yes, you did. But don’t worry. I read a book during that time.” Lotte showed her a worn-out book with a plain brown protective cover and the label that identified it as a university library book.
“You’ve been reading a law book?” Marlene propped herself up on her elbows, giving her friend an incredulous look.
“Of course not,” Lotte giggled. “I’m not that ambitious. I found it in the German literature section, it’s called Aufstand der Fischer von Santa Barbara by…”
“Anna Segher,” Marlene completed her sentence.
“How do you know? Have you read it?”
“Yes. It’s really good. Werner Böhm gave it to me.” The words had stumbled out of her mouth, before she even thought about it.
“Herr Böhm? Seriously?” Lotte pursed her lips.
Marlene felt the blood rushing to her cheeks and cursed her habit to flush so easily. It didn’t matter what she said next, or whether she said anything at all, since Lotte for sure had already drawn her own conclusions.