Выбрать главу

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, giver orders, cooperate. act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly.

Specialization is for insects.

The more you love, the more you CAN love -- and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how MANY you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.

Masturbation is cheap, clean, convenient, and free of any possibility of wrongdoing -- and you don't have to go home in the cold. But it's LONELY.

Beware of altruism. It is based on self-deception, the root of all evil.

If tempted by something that feels "altruistic," examine your motives and root out the self-deception. Then if you still want to do it -- wallow in it!

The most preposterous notion that H. Sapiens has ever dreamed up is that the Lord God of Creation, Shaper and Ruler of all the Universes, wants the saccharine adoration of His creatures, can be swayed by their prayers, and becomes petulant if He does not receive this flattery. Yet this absurd fantasy, without a shred of evidence to bolster it, pays the expenses of the oldest, largest, and least productive industry in all history.

The second most preposterous notion is that copulation is inherently sinful.

Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of -- but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards.

A hundred dollars paced at seven percent interest compounded quarterly for two hundred years will increase to more than a hundred million dollars -- by which time it will be worth nothing.

Dear, don't bore him with trivia nor burned him with your past mistakes. The happiest way to deal with a man is never to tell him anything that he does not need to know.

Darling, a true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires.

Everybody lies about sex.

If men were the automatons that behaviorists claim they are, the behaviorist psychologists could not have invented the amazing nonsense called "behaviorist psychology." So they are wrong from scratch -- as clever and as wrong as phlogiston chemists.

The shamans are forever yacking about their snake-oil "miracles." I prefer the Real McCoy -- a pregnant woman.

If the universe has any purpose more important than topping a woman you love and making a baby with her hearty help, I've never heard of it.

Thou shalt remember the Eleventh Commandment and keep it Wholly.

A touchstone to determine the actual worth of an "intellectual" -- find out how he feels about astrology.

Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.

There is no such thing as "social gambling." Either you are there to cut the other bloke's heart out and eat it -- or you are a sucker. If you don't like this choice, don't gamble.

When the ship lifts, all bills are paid. No regrets.

The first time I was a drill instructor I was too inexperienced for the job -- the things I taught those lads must have got some of them killed. War is too serious a matter to be taught by the inexperienced.

A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.

Money is the sincerest of all flattery. Women love to be flattered. So do men.

You live and learn. Or you don't live long.

Whenever women have insisted on absolute equality with men, they have invariably wound up with the dirty end of the stick. what they are and what they can do makes them superior to men, and their proper tactic is to demand special privileges, all the traffic will bear. They should never settle merely for equality. For women, "equality" is a disaster.

Peace is an extension of war by political means. Plenty of elbow room is pleasenter -- and much safer.

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.

"Supernatural" is a null word.

The phrase "we (I)(you) simply must -- " designates something that need not be done. "That goes without saying" is a red warning.

"Of course" means you had best check it yourself. These small-change cliches and others like them, when read correctly, are reliable channel markers.

Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy.

Rub her feet.

If you happen to be one of the fretful minority who can do creative work, never force an idea; you'll abort it if you do.

Be patient and you'll give birth to it when the time is ripe.

Learn to wait.

Never crowd youngsters about their private affairs -- sex especially. When they are growing up, they are nerve ends all over, and resent (quite properly) any invasion of their privacy.

Oh, sure, they'll make mistakes -- but that's their business, not yours. (You made your own mistakes, did you not?)

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

Always tell her she is beautiful, especially if she's not.

If you are part of a society that votes, then do so. there may be no candidates and no measures you want to vote FOR... but there are certain to be ones you wish to vote AGAINST. In case of doubt, vote AGAINST. By this rule you will rarely go wrong.