From What I Remember

“‘I didn’t invent the rainy day, man. I just own the best umbrella,’” Kylie says. “That’s one of my favorite lines of all time. It’s from a movie called Almost Famous. I think what it means is that life is going to throw all kinds of stuff at you, good and bad. But all you can do is get out there and try to stay dry.”

I give a big whoop for Almost Famous because it’s a genius line to quote in a graduation speech. And no one but Kylie would think to use it.

Bains glares at me. Dude, you might want to talk to a digestive specialist about that breath problem. It’s not going to help you any at college.

“So get a good umbrella, class of 2012! You’re going to need it! And congratulations!” With that, Kylie leaves the stage and goes to her seat.

For a second, no one does a thing. There’s silence. And then the place erupts in applause. Loud and hard and long. A bunch of people jump to their feet, others follow suit. It’s a standing O. Holy. Shit! My girl got herself a standing O! I am so proud of her, my eyes well up and a lump forms in my throat.

Kylie outdid herself. I am whistling and cheering. I can see Max a few rows away, hands in the air, clapping furiously. Juan, who has been sitting near the stage the entire time, is on his feet, fists pumping. My eyes are trained on Kylie as she takes her seat. Her face explodes into a giant grin. Girlfriend knows she nailed it. We all know she nailed it. Take that, Freiburg. Put it in your pipe and smoke it. No more Kylie Flores to kick around.

’ve been watching Max watch Kylie, and I feel like I’m going to throw up. He’s way into her, so far down the road there’s no turning back. Clearly, something happened in Mexico. Something that changed absolutely everything. Whatever it was, it wasn’t just a fling. Max couldn’t take his eyes off Kylie in the car, and then during her speech, and even now as she’s sitting two rows in front of him. I thought we still had a chance, but I realize now that he’s gone, baby, gone. And there’s not a thing I can do. Max keeps glancing over at Kylie as Alvarez speaks. It certainly didn’t help things that Kylie managed to miraculously come up with a great valedictorian speech. I mean, it wasn’t hard to do; there’s not exactly stiff competition. Last year’s speaker, Benjy Samuels, fainted halfway through his speech. And the year before that, Emma Ralston showed up wasted. Most of the other speakers in recent history have been so deadly dull, no one remembers what they said. I’m sure we’ll barely remember Kylie’s tomorrow morning. Still, the standing O was beyond irritating. I am so screwed. Kylie has managed to pull herself out of the abyss of social obscurity just in time for me to fall in.

I notice Luca Sonneban staring at me. He’s sitting at the beginning of my row. Can he tell something is going on with Max and Kylie? Is he gauging my reaction to this whole public disaster? Or is he checking me out, as usual? I smile and wave, and he blushes a deep scarlet. It looks good with his perennially tanned skin. He’s hot. Funny, I never really noticed. Well, I’m noticing now.

Luca has been crushing on me since ninth grade. He’s asked me out at least half a dozen times. I’ve always said no. He’s just not my type—a little too surfer dude, with the long stringy blond hair and the constant board shorts. Enough already. We get it. You surf.

We kissed once at a party in tenth grade. There was waaaay too much tongue. It was slobbery, like making out with my Labradoodle. But he could be trained. And he’s got plenty of money. So there’s that. The problem is, Stokely has the hots for him, which is unfortunate. Normally I’d steer clear—sisterhood and all that. But things have reached critical mass, and as much as I don’t want to hurt Stokely, I need to put myself first.

“Congratulations, class of 2012!” Alvarez yells out.

A loud roar goes up from the senior class, and we all jump out of our seats and toss our caps in the air. Big whoop!

I’m so outta here. I stand and make a beeline for Max. We’ve got business to take care of. I’ve got to save face, if nothing else. As usual he’s surrounded by his loyal posse. It’s hard to squeeze my way in, but I do, and the sea parts. Max looks down at me, nervous. He’s not even remotely happy to see me. The reality smacks me in the face. This is so not where I live.

“Lil…hey,” he says. He’s palpably uncomfortable.

I’m going to make this so easy for him. He doesn’t need to be sweating it.

My eyes scan his face. God, he’s gorgeous. I really love him—truly and intensely—in a way I’ve never loved anyone or anything. Sure, there have been ulterior motives circling around, but my love for him is as pure as it gets with me. I suddenly feel like crying. I don’t want to say good-bye, but there’s really no choice.

I lean in to Max. I feel his body go rigid. How is it possible things have changed so much in such a short span of time?

“Listen, Lil, we need to talk. How about we go out for lunch—”

“Save it, Max,” I say. “We don’t need to talk about anything. It’s over. I can’t forgive you for yesterday. We’re done. There’s nothing more to say.”

Max looks at me like I’ve just pulled the Astroturf out from under him. Sorry, Max, I got there first. You can’t fire me, I quit.

“We should talk, Lily. We can’t just end things like this.”

“You should have thought of that last night,” I say, my voice starting to quiver.

I will not let him see me cry. I will not give him the satisfaction. I lean in and kiss him on the cheek.

“I’m sorry, Lil. Really sorry…” Max says as I turn away swallowing the bitter aftertaste of rejection. I make a beeline for Luca, who’s standing nearby, talking to Sam Butterworth.

“Hey, Sonneban,” I say, pulling him into a hug. “Congratulations, dude.”

“You too, Lil,” Luca says, holding me tight, tighter than he probably should, considering, for all he knows, I’m still one of his best friend’s girlfriends. This is going to be easy. Like taking candy from a baby.

Stokes walks up as Luca and I are hugging. She stares, waiting for us to release each other. We do, but not before I give him a little peck on the cheek for good measure, sealing the deal.

“You going to Charlie’s with anyone tonight?” I ask Luca.

“Uh, not really,” Luca says.

“Then how about you pick me up at seven?” I say.

“You’re not going with Max?” Luca asks.

“Nope. I’m going with you, if you’ll have me.”

“Totally,” Luca says. He can barely contain his excitement. His smile spreads from ear to ear, like a goofy stuffed animal. I miss Max already.

Stokes pastes on a smile, but I can see the hurt and confusion in her eyes. Why aren’t I going to the party with Max? And what am I doing with Luca? I feel bad, but what can I do? Life sucks. I know it only too well.

s soon as the ceremony is over, I make my way down the row and look for Max, hoping we can talk before I have to go. He was the first person I wanted to see after finishing my speech. The only person I thought would understand what a feat it was, flying through the air without a net. My hesitations about Max have been washed away by the euphoria of graduation. I want to hug him, congratulate him, hear his voice, feel his touch. I’m craving his company, more than Will or Jake or my parents. But I’m too late. I can already see the force field building around him. It’s a hero’s welcome as everyone descends on him. I stand on the periphery and look for a way in. He’s surrounded. I can’t even make a dent. I catch a glimpse of him and wave. He either doesn’t see me or ignores me. What am I doing? Standing here like a fool, begging for affection?

I thought I’d misjudged things this morning, acted too rashly. I was willing to give him a second chance, try again. I thought we were connecting during my speech. I could feel him urging me on, encouraging me. But it was obviously all in my head. He’s not looking for me. He’s not even thinking about me. He’s with Lily and his friends, and I’m just some distant memory. I’m such an idiot. How many times can I fall for the same guy?