Jake stops the ball with his foot, picks it up, and throws it to Dad.
“You can’t touch the ball with your hands,” Dad says. “Only your feet touch the ball in soccer.” I can hear the annoyance creeping into his voice. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.
“I know that. I play soccer in school,” Jake says. “I just like catch better. I’m tired of playing soccer.”
“Okay,” Dad says. “Then let’s play catch.”
“Catch is a game for two people,” Jake says.
“Three can play catch,” Dad insists. I’m not sure he’ll ever come to terms with the particulars that make Jake Jake. Catch will never be a three-person game to Jake. His rules are hard and fast. He’s grown a lot in the last few years, but Asperger’s has its limits. And Dad has his limits. Hopefully, in the Venn diagram of their lives, they can find a little more overlap.
“It’s okay. I’m going inside to get dressed. You two play catch,” I say.
I head into my room to change. Will and Juan are coming over for our John Woo movie marathon. For once, we’re going to hang at my house instead of Cloudbank, Will’s McMansion of ridiculous proportions, and I’m psyched about it. It’s nice to be back home.
The Mexican wedding dress is lying in a heap at the foot of my bed. I pick it up and finger the frayed hem, smooth out the wrinkles. It’s a lovely dress. I was going to toss it in the trash because I didn’t want any reminders of my night with Max. But now, looking at it—the delicate embroidery, the hand-dyed color, the beautiful cut—I want to keep it. Or maybe I’ll have it chopped into a mini and wear it with platform sandals in New York City.
I throw on my familiar uniform of jeans and a T-shirt and check myself in the mirror. My hair is back in a tight ponytail. My face is scrubbed clean of Lily’s makeup. It’s all so familiar. This is the reflection that has stared back at me for as long as I can remember. But is this the me I want to show the world? I can do better. What’s the harm in putting a little effort into it? Tonight may only be Will and Juan, but, hell, I just graduated high school, rocked out my valedictorian speech, and I’m off to New York City in two months. Life is just getting started, and I’m dressing like I’m retired. I pull my hair out of the ponytail and muss it up. I grab a stretchy black minidress off a hanger, one of the many gifts from Will that have been going to waste in my closet. I throw off the jeans and T-shirt, and shimmy into the dress. It’s formfitting in all the right places. I probably should have listened to Will a long time ago. I add a belt, flip-flops, and a little gloss. Better. Much better. I spin around in front of the mirror. I can look hot if I try. Why have I been trying so hard not to?
My phone buzzes with an incoming text. It’s Charlie inviting me to his party. I don’t bother to respond. I can’t imagine feeling very welcome there with everyone toasting Max and Lily, the prince and princess of the ball. Thanks, but no thanks.
No texts from Max. But what did I expect? A note proclaiming his undying love? He and Lily are most likely having sex right now.
There’s a knock on my door and Mom pokes her head in.
“Can I come in?” she asks.
“Sure.”
Mom takes in my outfit. “You look so pretty. You should go to a party. You don’t need to hang out here tonight.”
“I thought I was grounded.”
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s really necessary anymore.”
She sits down on the bed and puts her hands on my cheeks, like she used to do when I was little. “Kylie, I’m sorry I’ve put so much pressure on you.” She’s gearing up for a big talk, the kind of talk we never have. Normally, I’d love it, but I’m kind of talked out today. I just want to kick back and turn off. “It wasn’t fair to rely on you to take care of your brother every day. I should have figured something out so you had more freedom.” She’s determined to have the talk.
“Don’t beat yourself up, Mom. Seriously. I like hanging out with Jake.”
“I feel like you should have been hanging out with friends more, and I didn’t make that enough of a priority.”
“Maybe that’s my fault as much as yours. I kind of used all the stuff I had to do at home as an excuse to hide away. I mean, I probably should have pushed back a little, right? Maybe said no every now and then, like a normal teenager. But I didn’t. Because it was safer to be here than dealing with everyone at school.”
“I hope you won’t do that at NYU.”
“I hope so too.”
Mom smiles. “You can be just like your dad sometimes.”
“I know.” I say this like I’m not thrilled with the similarities, and Mom picks right up on that.
“That’s not such a bad thing, you know. He loves you and your brother very much. He’s just been hurt by life and he’s still picking up the pieces. But he’ll get there. And, you know, we’re going to be okay next year. I don’t want you worrying about us. We’re going to miss you a whole lot, but you just need to focus on making the most of NYU and New York City.” Mom puts her arms around me and pulls me close. “You make us so proud, Kyles. You always have. And I know you always will.”
Tears pool in my eyes. I wrap my arms around Mom and squeeze her tightly. I can’t remember the last time we held each other like this. It’s nice to be with her when she’s not distracted or in a rush or worrying about Jake. Those moments have been few and far between over the years.
The doorbell rings, and thank God for that, because another second here with Mom and I would have turned into a blubbering idiot.
“I’ll get it,” I say, releasing Mom. “It’s Will.” I rush out of the room, wiping away the tears with the back of my hand.
I fling open the door to find Max standing there. Oh my God. My heart flips around in my chest like a fish out of water. I struggle to breathe.
Max smiles, his cheeks dimple, and I fall in love all over again. Man, what is wrong with me? I’m such a sucker. How will I ever make it in the big city?
“What are you doing here?”
“We need to talk.”
“Let’s go outside,” I say.
I step outside and close the door so we are alone.
Max doesn’t say anything for a few moments. He’s nervous and fidgety as his hands try to find a place to rest comfortably. They finally slip inside his front pockets. It’s jarring to see Max like this.
“You look…really nice,” he finally says.
“Thanks.”
“Listen, Kylie, if you don’t want me here, I get it, I just…”
“Who says I don’t want you here?”
Max takes a deep breath; I can see him steeling himself.
“I can’t stop thinking about you. I know you might not feel the same way. But I had to tell you that. I wanted to say something after the ceremony. I looked for you—”
“You did?”
“Yeah. Did you look for me?”
I can see the fear in Max’s eyes, and it surprises me. The fact that I have this power, any power, really, over Max is shocking. “I went to find you as soon as it was over, but you were with Lily and everyone. I couldn’t even penetrate the circle.”
“Lily and I were breaking up. Actually, she broke up with me. She kind of got there first. I think she knew, after seeing us together, that it was over.”
This jolts me. Maybe I read everything wrong. “You were going to break up with her?”
“I told you last night. There was no way I could stay with her after being with you. It didn’t feel right anymore.”
“Yeah, but this morning you seemed—”
“This morning I was half out of my mind. I was just doing damage control. I thought Lily would go berserk, so I tried to appease her. I screwed up.”
I had convinced myself that I didn’t care about Max, but as soon as I hear that he and Lily are really over, the walls come tumbling down. Maybe next time I shouldn’t build those walls so quickly.