As tears started to further obscure her vision Jason appeared at the observation window. He was smiling and waving exaggeratedly, it was hard not to chuckle at his antics. Even as he lifted her spirits she knew Laura was probably out of sight, speaking with her mother somewhere down the hallway.
Now those were true friends. Ayan thought to herself in reflection. Laura was always there and Jason would often stop in and visit even if his wife wasn't around. At her apartment, in the hospital, even at work a few times. Theirs was an easy friendship, just as easy as the one she had with Laura, only different. Conversations with him were always more light hearted, it was easy to have a laugh over a cup of coffee. She wondered idly how that progressed as time went on, through the times after the scan, past the scope of what she could remember.
Doctor Anderson had done what he could to inform her of what went on after the scan, he had even showed her footage of her mother's visits when the wormhole ship emerged after they had completed the long time compression phase. It took her some serious convincing, but she had even seen the last visit her mother paid her, where she actually threatened to destroy her before she was born.
That had struck a deep nerve. Ayan doubted her mother could actually dispose of her just as the dream of her rebirth was realized, but just saying it aloud, threatening the man who had spent over thirty years of his life isolated with a small crew with such a loss, it was something she didn't think her mother was capable of.
Doctor Anderson was completely forthcoming about how he seized full control of the project after that, and how he had pulled strings to have her mother sent just far enough away so she couldn't cause any more difficulty. Ayan understood, and was grateful for his honestly. For once her mother had a valid excuse for being absent at a very important time in her life, and Ayan tried as hard as she could to put the past behind her, to give her mother the opportunity to start from scratch, but it was hard. Then the trouble in the Blue Belt began and she hoped that her mother had somehow survived it.
As she finished folding the last of her clothes, a vacsuit version of her favourite long shirt with camouflage properties, the door chimed. “Come in,” she replied without checking who it was.
Her mother stood there, her red hair tied in a short braid, her vacsuit uniform pristine as always. Ayan didn't care what demons the past played host to right at that moment, only that her mother was alive. She ran across the main room of the apartment and hugged the woman, who gently put her arm around her. “Thank God! I kept checking for you in the list of survivors but they never added your name.” Ayan said as she tried not to tear up.
“I'm sorry, I was in the first group to return to Freeground from the Paladin but there was a lot to manage,” Admiral Rice apologized. She was quiet, surprised.
Ayan stepped back and wiped a tear from her eye. “I thought they were posting everyone as they reported in.”
“I wasn't listed. They didn't want whoever was responsible to know I escaped.”
“Oh,” was all Ayan could manage as she turned around and closed her last suitcase. She was surprised at how much she had accumulated in such a short time, but then, every crew member of the wormhole ship had a gift for her. They made her feel like the daughter of many, while her mother didn't seem to think telling her she was alive as soon as possible was a priority. It was so hard not to say it out loud. How could you wait? Can't you tell I needed to know you were safe? was what she wanted to say, but all she could manage was; “oh.” Ayan tried to shake it off. “You changed your hair.”
“It's just a new red, a little longer,” she replied hurriedly. There was a pause then as she watched Ayan make sure the clasps on her luggage was secure. She braced herself before going on quietly. “I would have told you earlier,” she offered. “Intelligence had me operating from a secret location.”
“It's okay. You're here now,” Ayan replied as she opened and closed a suspect latch on the last case. There was one other by the door beside her work bag and the poncho she planned to wear on the way to the Warpig.
“So it's true, you're leaving.”
Ayan nodded. “I can't get the clearance to rejoin the Special Projects Division or re-enlist so I'm going to find Jason and Oz.” It wasn't the entire truth. The Special Projects Division would be her third priority if she had a choice, preceded by finding Laura and meeting Jacob, then Jason and Oz. She didn't have to tell her mother that though. “I can stay for a while, there's some coffee left from this morning, would you like some?”
“I can't stay,” her mother replied, averting her gaze.
“Oh,” she looked at her mother for a moment. “Thank you for coming, I was worried.”
“There are other people who could go after them if Freeground needed them back. You should stay here, we'll find you something.”
It struck Ayan then; she doesn't know. She has no idea Intelligence has already given me exactly the assignment I'd want. Someone pulled strings and made the mission I'd choose for myself official but didn't say a word to her about it. “Did you even bother looking at my status?” Ayan asked, she was trying so hard not to let her astonishment become anger.
“I saw everything I needed to at the ruling. That doesn't mean that you can't pursue something meaningful here. I can pull some strings and get you into a project, developing something new. Separate from Doctor Anderson's projects if you like.”
“I'm already assigned to find Jason and Oz. After I've found them or determined their status I'm to catch up with the Triton and liaise with Jake Valance and the Triton. I'd go into more detail but from the look you're giving me I can already tell you're not behind me on this.”
“It's just another excuse to go after him again. Jonas is dead, what's left is something Vindyne manufactured. You're risking a new life on a past you should leave behind.”
“All I can think about is Jason and Oz stranded somewhere, Laura alone, and yes, I want to meet Jacob Valent even though I know he's some kind of copy, maybe not even a duplicate.”
“You mean Jacob Valance. You're still confused, all these changes take time to manage.”
“I feel fine, better than ever. For the first time in a very long time I'm not confused, I know exactly where I should be going, what I should be doing. With Intelligence's blessing there's nothing holding me back.”
“Their blessing? They're not even giving you an official rank, to the rest of the military you're just a civilian. If anything goes wrong they'll deny your connection to them. You have an opportunity for a new life here at home. You could be anything you want, instead you're letting Intelligence send you off on a fools errand, letting them tie you off like a loose end.”
“They're welcome to! And when I signal that I'm ready to represent Freeground on the Triton they'll have to deal with me all over again!” Ayan extended the handle on a grey suitcase and rolled it towards the door.
“You spent the last of your years searching for Jonas, I don't want you to waste your second chance doing the same thing,” her mother said, putting a hand on her shoulder.
“He sacrificed everything.”
“So you could have a chance at going on. I don't think he'd want you to do this either.”
“That's what makes finding Jacob worth it. If he has Jonas' memories and if Laura is willing to stay on his ship there must be something, then I have to meet him. We're practically two of a kind anyway. I have Ayan Rice's memories and as far as I'm concerned, I am Ayan. All it took was someone saying that it was all right for me to think that way and thank God Doctor Anderson and Doctor Milan were there to do just that.”
“Have you seen the footage of this Valance character? You two are nothing alike, Jonas was nothing like him either.”
“You didn't know Jonas. He knew how to speak to his crew, how to build their confidence. Jake does the same thing only he inspires people to fight for what's right. I've seen the profile Fleet has on him, and I've seen the speech he gave in the Enreega system. Even if he didn't have Jonas' memories, he'd be someone I wouldn't pass the chance at meeting.”