“Fine, but bring a pilot to watch your back with you. Grippa's available and he's cleared to use the faster than light systems,” Stephanie told the Captain with a level gaze.
“Paula's not going to like that. There are only two other pilots cleared on FTL enabled fighters,” Cynthia whispered, shaking her head.
“Too bad. Our Captain takes a fighter out, he gets an escort,” Stephanie concluded as she sprinted towards the bridge security doors.
“See you at the briefing tomorrow, Security Chief,” Captain Valance said while turning back to the two dimentional display. The last frame of the transmission was up, showing Jason Everin, frozen in time. “She has a bad feeling about this.”
“That's obvious,” Cynthia scoffed quietly.
“Thank you Jake. If I were any real use in a cockpit I'd go with you,” Laura said quietly.
“I couldn't just sit here and do nothing. I just hope that Stephanie's instincts are off for once.”
Having It Out
Captain Valance stood in the middle of the Samson's main cargo hold. He was looking at the old stasis pods he used to use for transporting his numerous bounty captures. Stephanie stood in the half light, half way up the stairs.
She just stopped and looked at him for a moment. He didn't bother turning around. In fact, he made no sign that he even knew she was there. For a moment she could see the Captain she remembered from before the Triton. His dark long coat hung over him, giving him a more intimidating, larger than life bearing. Underneath was his full vacsuit with its heavy gloves, military class boots and black body. It covered all but his head. For a moment she really did see the man she remembered, then he looked to her with a small, warm smile.
“Couldn't sleep either?” he asked quietly.
“No sir, not a wink. I checked the status board for the senior officers and it showed that you were here.”
“They just finished load testing her systems. The Samson is one shakedown cruise away from being fit.”
“That's good news,” she finished walking up the stairs and stopped on the landing to lean on the railing there. Her black vacsuit was made to emulate his and her long coat was very much the same as well, but she had left it in her quarters. As far as she was concerned her role as the Chief of Security was to keep the crew safe, secure and occasionally speak on the Captain's or First Officer's behalf. There was a time not long before when she knew exactly how to do that, when she was certain of the answer whenever she thought to herself; what would Captain do?
Lately she found herself growing less and less certain.
“What brings you down here Steph?” asked Jake.
“You're keeping me awake,” she answered simply.
He looked at her with a raised eyebrow and an amused, crooked grin. “I've been right here since Alice took over on the bridge.”
She knew he knew what she meant, that he was was putting her on, trying to lighten the mood. That wasn't helping. “Are you all right sir?”
His prolonged stare told her more than anything he could say. It lasted longer than was comfortable. Jake finally turned to face the stasis tubes. The green gelatin inside caught just enough light to reflect it back onto the man's face.
Stephanie tried to stifle the irritation building up in her, to be patient. “In all the time I've known you I've never seen you uncertain. Being out here like this, training, drilling, it was the best thing at first. It's been weeks now and more than half the crew will be completely certified in the next few days but we're still not moving.”
“We don't have a wormhole generator, a real doctor and we're still low on pilots and qualified intelligence personnel,” he answered flatly, not looking at her.
“You know the chances of actually finding the qualified people you're looking for are slim not to mention this ship has perfectly good hyperspace systems. We're probably one of the fastest hyperdrive ships in the sector. It's you. What is it that's holding you back from committing this crew to what they signed on for?”
“It's not me,” he said quietly.
“Oh come on! You're smarter than I am, faster, harder, cooler headed and you're telling me that you're the last one to know that you're not yourself? The Jacob Valance I knew was a force of nature, shrewd and decisive. What happened?”
“I woke up empty!” Captain Valance erupted, turning towards her while pointing to one of the stasis tubes. “I woke up empty and for over five years I chased people down regardless of their crimes. When I got them back here I put them in a tube just like the one I was found in, made them helpless as I presented them to companies and governments without seeing both sides of the story. Some of them were in the wrong, sure, but just try to count how many we knew should be running. We knew they should be running because they were innocent, or because they were in some grey area that we'd normally understand but chose not to because we weren't willing to pass on the payday.”
“'Only fools and philosophers choose their work.' You said that. We were making a living and taking what the galaxy had to offer, which isn't much. What's got you second guessing now that it's all done and we're moving on to something else?”
“When I met Alice I could hear, see, feel all of Jonas' memories. They get louder and louder and now everything I do, all the memories I have of those five years are filtered through him. I've done so many things he would have never done. I look at these things, think about all the people they've carried and it almost makes me sick! Physically sick!”
“That's no excuse!” Stephanie couldn't restrain herself anymore. “I've been talking to Laura over the last few days and she talks about Jonas a lot when you're around. From what she says he was sure of himself, knew where he wanted to be, what he should be doing and if he didn't know how it should be done he'd go find out. He wasn't a man of hesitation and she'd never seen him wrapped in this self loathing you've got going!”
“He was a man of principle! He had morals and values that he would have never broken!”
“Then use them! You say you remember everything he did, well, just be him, at least as much as you have to! You say you were born empty and even if that's possible, you found your own way even before you met Alice. You became the hero to thousands of slaves, turned down one of the biggest paydays we were ever signed on for and kept to the rougher road. Don't make that all worth nothing by going soft, not now. I couldn't watch that. You becoming someone I don't know scares the hell out of me but if that's what has to happen for you to get on with your life then just do it.”
Jake had heard stories, watched the little footage of the First Light that was available and from what he'd seen Stephanie was right. From Jonas' memories of commanding that ship in combat she was right. Jonas Valent wasn't a soft man, he wasn't overly hard either. There was a middle ground he was on his way to finding, Ayan was part of that. There was another time, however, before the First Light, when Jonas Valent didn't know what his life's ambition was, where he was bound, when he was a glorified traffic director. The memory of going to work, stopping in to say hello to his friend Minh-Chu, then spending an uneventful day speaking to travellers from across the galaxy all came back at once. It had been there all along, the years of dissatisfaction, boredom, relenting routine and the feeling that the exciting portion of his life was already over. It was the most terrifying thing Jake could imagine; monotony.
Stephanie's anger evaporated. She had said what she had to and more. More importantly she had told him what she was really afraid of; losing him. “Are you okay?” She closed the distance between them and stepped in front of him, put her hand on his chest.
There was her softer side, something she seldom showed him or anyone. A shiver went up and down his spine. His hand covered hers as he looked at her worried expression. “You're right. I need to pick a direction for the ship, for myself. Tomorrow I'm leaving, and when I get back I want the ship and crew ready for anything. I have some bad things to make up for,” his hand curled around hers.