I trudge down the stairs and open the door. It’s Rhett and Deacon, all dressed up in tuxedos. They remind me a little of Batman and Robin, before their transformation.
“You look nice,” Deacon greets me.
“You too. You should wear a tux more often.”
He smiles, but his attention has been diverted. Alicia is descending the stairs, dressed in a ruffled pink cocktail dress. Her long black curls are piled high on top of her head, a few ringlets cascading over her smooth white shoulders.
He smiles appreciatively and walks towards her.
“You look breathtaking!” I hear him whisper, as he kisses her on the cheek.
I lean back against the wall. I feel sick.
The taxi journey into town is long and uncomfortable. Deacon and Alicia sit close together, laughing at some private joke that makes sense only to them. Rhett and Kate don’t seem to notice. They’re too busy perusing the evening’s programme and discussing who’s going to be there. Last year, the newly divorced Mayor turned up with a contestant from a popular reality TV show on his arm. This year, rumour has it, he’ll be bringing a page three girl.
The taxi drops off my friends first. I watch as they all shuffle up the steps of Queensbeach Civic Hall. The door is opened by a doorman, and I get a tantalising glimpse of the ballroom, with its five piece orchestra and elegant tables laid for lobster and champagne.
Then the taxi runs me half a mile up the road, coming to a halt outside Stu’s seedy bachelor pad. I am tempted to ask the driver to take me home again, but Stu’s spotted me from the window. He comes running out of the house.
“Isabel! I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist a party!”
The smell of cheap aftershave almost knocks me off my feet as he steps forward to hug me, pressing his sweaty body against me for slightly longer than is strictly necessary. He is wearing tight leather trousers with a revolting electric-blue shirt, unbuttoned practically to the waist to display his hairy tangerine chest to full effect.
Against my better judgement, I follow him inside. There are a few curly sandwiches laid out but I’m not particularly hungry. I feel as though a ship has dropped anchor in my stomach. I accept a glass of eggnog despite the fact I’ve always hated the stuff, and swig it back in one determined gulp.
Sonya is in the kitchen, wearing a snowman jumper, paired with a voluminous skirt, which does nothing for her figure. I make a note to myself to take her shopping for some decent clothes in the January sales.
“Stu’s a real pig, isn’t he?” she says, by way of greeting.
“I never doubted it.”
I rifle though the cupboards.
“What are you looking for?”
“Drink.”
“Try the fridge.”
I open it, but there is nothing but row upon row of jellies.
I find a spoon and taste one.
“What’s in it?”
“Vodka.”
We fight our way back into the living room, armed with jelly shots. The only people I recognise are the blokes from the warehouse. They sit in a dark damp corner, surrounded by beer cans, making the same lude jokes they do at work.
Sonya is telling me how Stu screwed up her computer, but I’m not really listening. My treacherous mind drifts back to the ball and I picture Deacon dancing with Alicia, her delicate arms wrapped around his neck. Why can’t he see through her? He’s a doctor for goodness’ sake – he’s supposed to be clever.
When I can’t take it any longer, I pull out my mobile and dial Kate’s number.
The phone goes straight through to voicemail.
Oh well, it’s probably for the best. I don’t want her to think I’m checking up on them.
“Wanna dance?” Stu looms over me, trying to look sexy.
“Um, no thanks.”
“Oh come on, it’s Phil Collins.”
With the most impeccable timing, my phone starts to ring.
“Sorry, I have to get this.”
I turn my back on him. “Kate? Call you? Er, no – I must have been butt dialling.”
I’m a terrible liar – I don’t know why I even try.
“So are you having a good time?” I ask, trying to keep my tone casual.
“Yeah – you won’t believe this but Lenny Lopez is sitting at our table!”
“What? Didn’t he used to be on Neighbours?”
“Yup – apparently his sister works at the hospital. Anyway, I got him to autograph my napkin for you.”
“Thanks.”
But really, what good is a signed napkin? This is just so unfair. If it weren’t for Alicia, I would be meeting Lenny for myself.
“So how’s your party?”
“Great,” I lie. “You wouldn’t believe the cocktails.” I glance down at the tray of quivering jelly shots and shudder. “So, er..What about Deacon and Alicia? Are they having fun?”
“Oh, they’ve been on the dance floor for ages! You know how Alicia loves to dance.”
I didn’t, but I suppose I don’t really know much about her at all.
“So how’s it going between them?” I hate myself for asking.
“Great. I mean, they seem to be getting on well. You don’t mind do you?”
“Mind? Why would I mind?”
“Well, you know, you and Deacon have always been close.”
“Oh, don’t be silly! I was just curious, that’s all.”
“OK.”
“Really. Now I’m going to get back to my party. You have a great night!”
“Yeah, you too.”
I turn the phone off and slip it into my bag.
I feel like Cinderella, stuck at home while my ugly sisters go off to the ball. Except my fairy godmother has failed to show up, and I’m stuck at a stupid party with a bunch of pumpkins.
“I’ve had enough of this for one night,” I say, turning to Sonya. “You want to get out of here and go to Mustafa’s?”
“Sounds good – just one thing before we leave.”
“What?”
“Follow me.”
She leads me upstairs to the bathroom.
“What are we looking for?”
“This!”
She flings open the cabinet to reveal box upon box of tanning spray.
“Look at it all!”
We both giggle.
“Shall we hide them?” Sonya suggests, with a wicked grin.
“Sonya!”
I laugh even harder as she starts pulling the boxes out of the cupboard.
“There are so many! Where can we possibly hide them?”
“We’ll put them in the airing cupboard, under all the towels. He’ll never think of looking there.”
She walks down the hall, her arms full.
“Grab the hair dye, Isabel. We’ll hide that too. Tomorrow, he’s going all natural!”
I watch as she crams all the boxes into the cupboard. It’s really silly, but somehow, it’s just what I need.
“Come on, let’s get back downstairs before anyone sees us.”
“One last thing.”
She pauses in front of the master bedroom.
“What are you doing?”
“Just taking a peek.”
She pushes open the door and switches on the light.
“Silk sheets,” I whistle. “Fancy!”
Sonya smiles. “I think Stu could do with an early morning wake up, don’t you?”
She walks over to the alarm clock, sitting on the bedside table and starts fiddling with the settings.
“What shall we change the station to? Do you think he likes German industrial music?”
I smile, but I feel a bit bad as we walk back downstairs. After all, Stu did invite us into his home.
Still, I suppose he had it coming.
“I’ll grab our coats,” Sonya says, heading back to the kitchen.
“Thanks for the party Stu,” I say, so as not to be totally rude.
“What? You’re leaving already?” He looks a little bewildered. “But you’ve only just arrived!”
“Yeah well we’ve got another party to get to. Busy night.”