I reached into my suitcase and chucked my dirty clothes into the basket in the corner. The torn-up dress I’d worn got left behind in the closet at the hotel. I couldn’t bear to look at it, and it was ruined anyway.
“I was really thinking tell-all book instead of a movie,” I said sarcastically.
“How the hell did it happen, Lily? I mean…Wow.” She blew out a breath.
“It just did.” That was only part of the truth, of course.
“I’m shocked.”
“Why? You were the one who gave me the idea.”
“Me?” She pointed to herself. “Lily, I was joking. I would never advise you to sleep with your boss—even Maxwell Cole.”
I gave her a cynical look.
“Okay.” She held up her hands. “I’d at least tell you to wait until you had a new job lined up and it was your last day.”
“I’m sure it will be fine. This kind of stuff happens all the time.” As if I knew what the hell I was talking about.
“Are you going to do it again?” she asked.
“No. Absolutely not. It was a onetime thing, and we both agreed we’d move on. Business as usual.” We-hate-each-other business.
“All right. If you say so.”
I closed my empty suitcase and pushed it into my closet beneath my dresses. “I think he’s an asshole. And he’s not into me—it was a pity fuck for him. That’s all.” Or had it been an ego-fuck because I’d called him a pussy?
She looked at me in horror. “Lily, how the hell can you say that?”
“I’m not stupid, Danny. And I own a mirror.”
“Are you sure about the stupid part? Because you’re a very wonderful person, and you somehow don’t see it. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe guys don’t hit on you because they’re intimidated? Unlike your name, you’re not a timid little flower. A guy’s gotta have a lotta balls to even talk to you. Then they have to be comfortable with not feeling needed and being disposable.”
Huh? I looked at her and blinked. Actually, it had never occurred to me. Not once. “You think I’m mean?”
She set her empty wineglass down on my whitewashed nightstand. “God, no. You’re like the most caring, most genuine person I’ve ever met—but you also don’t let anything stand in your way. And you’re extremely independent and driven. Oh—and there’s that whole competitive thing about you.”
“What? I’m not competitive.”
“Maybe not on a one-on-one basis, but with the world? Oh yeah.”
Wow. She’d basically just said I had a huge chip on my shoulder. I’d never realized that about myself, but maybe she was right. I did feel a little like I was on a one-woman mission to kick ass.
“How come no one’s ever said anything?” I asked, going to sit beside her on the bed.
“Honestly, I figured you knew. You’re not like one of these assholes I work with who run around saying how great they are, but their heads are shoved so far up their asses that they can’t even smell their own bullshit.” She placed her hand on my thigh. “With the exception of your small insecurity, you come across as the kind of person who knows themselves—bullshit and all.”
I ran my hand over the top of my head and down the back of my long hair, thinking hard about what she’d said. I was beginning to see I didn’t know myself.
She went on, “So now that we’ve established your boss—aka my fantasy boyfriend—may have screwed you for non-pity related reasons, can you go over that part again where he threw you up against the wall and tore off your ten-thousand-dollar dress?”
“Nope. Scandalous porn story hour is over. I have to get ready for a long day tomorrow.” And honestly, now that I was beginning to see myself in this different light, I had to start questioning more than just my relationship with Mr. Cole. My entire perception seemed to be contaminated by this one small aspect of my life: my looks. A shocker because I’d never thought of myself as the type of person who could be influenced by something so shallow.
Nevertheless, I suddenly felt like my face had created a cancer that had been quietly undermining me my entire life, possibly robbing me of seeing good things that were right in front of me the entire time.
Crap. Mr. Cole had been so, so right when he’d said I didn’t believe I deserved “even this,” meaning casual sex. I didn’t believe the things I wanted were there for me, so I pushed and fought my way through everything.
I’m so damned confused. Who the hell am I?
“Come on, Lily!” said Danny. “You barely told me anything. How big was he? Do his abs ripple in real life, or were they painted on in that photo shoot?”
I glanced at her, almost forgetting she still sat there. “No more details tonight, but I promise you a good bedtime story tomorrow that will include how I did pelvic thrusts with Patricio Ferrari.”
“That cute Italian actor?”
I nodded. “Holy crap, Lily. You’re my idol. I mean, my other idol. Max Cole is my first.”
The notion of someone as messed up as me being anyone’s idol was pure ridiculousness.
My phone buzzed on my nightstand, and I picked it up. “It’s my mother.” I sighed.
“Oh. Good luck with that.” Danny smacked me on the back. “Gotta run.”
“Coward,” I sneered at her as I fled my room.
“Hi, Mom,” I sighed my words, expecting the worst.
“Honey, I understand that you are a grown woman now, but I think we raised you better than this.”
Oh, boy. “So you heard about the tabloid.”
“Yes. From Beverly.” Beverly was her best friend and neighbor. “And I’m extremely worried. Three men in one night? Please tell me this isn’t true.”
“It’s not true.” It was only one: my boss.
She let out a sigh of relief. “I knew it wasn’t. I’m going to call those people and demand they print an apology.”
“Mom, just let it go—okay? It was a fluke. I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“That’s the other thing, young lady, why didn’t you tell us you were running off to Milan? What if something had happened to you? Where would we know to look if you’d gotten into trouble?”
Oh, God. I really couldn’t deal with this right now. “Mom, I love you. But this is my job now, and I can’t check in with you every time I take a business trip. And I have a phone if I need help and the company knows where we are—”
“Just remember, Lily, we are here for you. Even if you’re halfway around the world, we’ll be there to help you.”
I sucked in a slow breath and released it. My asking her to not worry was like asking her to stop being my mother. “Thanks, Mom. I appreciate that. Tell Dad I said hi, and I’ll send you guys some pictures from wherever I am this month.”
“Anywhere fun?” she asked, but I’d better not tell her; she might show up with her suitcase.
“Not sure yet, but—oh, by the way, I spoke to John. How’s he doing?” I grinned, so needing a moment of comfort, which meant messing with my brother’s life. In the most loving way possible, of course.
“I think he’s feeling better after I spent a little time with him. Did you know he has a porn collection?”
I held in a laugh. “Ummm. No. I didn’t know that.”
“I mean, really. Who owns porn these days? It’s all over the Internet for free.”
What?
She continued, “You just click and there it is.”
Ohmygod, I chuckled internally, trying not to imagine her at the helm of a mouse, sailing through the superhighway of porn.
“Maybe you should show him,” I offered. “I bet he’d save a lot of money, and you know how little he makes.” I was completely joking, however…