Staring into the fire, I shrugged and then sipped my wine. “I don’t want it to end.” But it would.
“Lily, you know we can’t stay on vacation forever.”
“Says who?” I asked.
He gave me a look. “Says the people who depend on us.”
Now who’s being the responsible adult? “No one really depends on me.”
“I do. And there are thousands depending on me.”
I nodded, the quiet crackle of the fire mixing with the sound of the evening waves. “I wish it was different.”
“You’d never be happy sitting on a beach the rest of your life.”
“How do you know?” I could give it a try.
“Because you’re like me; you have something to prove to the world.”
“But what happens when we prove it?” I asked.
He looked at me, genuinely thinking. “I don’t know. Maybe we find peace.”
“Let’s hope.” Because after everything was said and done, finding a quiet corner of the world might be the only way for us to live.
“Max?”
He slid his arm around me. “Yes?”
“I want you to set up that doctor’s appointment for Friday.”
“Liiily?” he warned, not needing an explanation. He knew I meant the surgeon.
“Max, for the first time in my life, I’m really afraid.”
“You don’t need to be.”
“Well, I am, and I just need to know I’ve given myself every opportunity to get through this.”
He looked at me and cupped my cheek. “I’ll do it, but you need to know that it’s not what I want. I want you exactly as you are.”
I placed my hand over his. “You’ve let go of your ugly. I need to let go of mine. There’s no reason to hold on to it.”
I could see him trying to digest what I was saying, that strong jaw tensing.
“Max, you can’t pretend or lie to me. I’ll never forget the moment you saw me for the first time. My face was the only thing you saw.”
“And if not for that, I would have tossed you aside—just another beautiful woman who could never understand me.”
“I’m tired, Max. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of struggling. I just want to move on.” He of all people had to understand that.
He smiled softly. “If it’s really what you want, but I’ll still want you either way.”
There were no words, so I kissed him. “I’ll still want you either way, too.”
He laughed. “Fine. Just promise me you won’t change who you are.”
“Why would it change me?” Except for the better.
He didn’t answer at first. “I’ll make the appointment, but all I ask is that you take some time before doing anything. Really think about this.”
I had. And I was done thinking. “Sure. If you want.”
He kissed me and pulled back. “If anything happened to you, it would kill me, Lily.”
He was worried. Genuinely worried. Yes, it made me feel all gooey inside. “I’ll be fine, I promise. What could possibly go wrong?”
Max and I returned to the office Thursday afternoon, and it was comical and absurd, but I genuinely think no one suspected I wasn’t in Houston or that Max hadn’t gone on one of his usual business trips to wherever, despite our matching tans. Because, of course, why would a man like that be interested in me?
Whether they suspected or not, however, everyone would likely know we had a special relationship in a few weeks. What would they say? That he’d been using me? Yes. That’s exactly what they’d say. The book would come out, Nancy Little would probably out me, and if she didn’t, people would still suspect. I really needed to stop pretending this wasn’t going to happen.
My only question was: What did Max really intend to do about it? It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him or his abilities to handle the situation, but I didn’t see a way through this. And my IQ wasn’t exactly in the “bucket of rocks” category.
I had to pin him down, which I’d planned to do tonight after work. But, just as I was packing up, my cell rang. It was Max.
“Hello?”
“Hi there,” he said, his voice totally charming.
“Where are you?” I asked.
“A dispute came up with the contractor in New Jersey. I’m getting on the plane to go hammer it out. I should be back tomorrow night. Callahan can take you back to my house if you’d like to stay there.”
“Oh.” I really wanted to talk to him tonight. Face to face, though. “No, I think I’ll just grab my car from your house and head over to my place. It’s not the same being there without you.”
“Just as long as you’re waiting in my bed when I get back—oh, by the way, I wanted to let you know I called Dr. Bloomfield. He can see you tomorrow morning first thing if you can make it.”
I really appreciated Max supporting my wishes like this. “Thank you. I really mean that.”
“Just remember, you promised to think this over.”
“I already have.”
“Think it over again,” he said. “Because you don’t really need to do this.”
I already knew what I wanted to do, but to be honest, Max’s repeated insistence that I rethink this was beginning to make me wonder. Why was he really so against this? It didn’t make sense.
“I promise to think it over again,” I said.
“Good,” he said. “Now, I know you’ll be missing my giant cock, and I want you to know that it will be thinking of you, too, tonight.”
I laughed. “Yeah. Well, tell your friend there not to worry. My vibrator’s been really neglected lately. We’re due for some good snuggle time.”
“Uh-uh. You throw that thing away. Nothing goes down there that isn’t attached to my body.”
“My, my. Aren’t we territorial?”
“You better fucking believe it,” he replied. “And I’ve already made out detailed plans in my head regarding how I intend to show you the many ways I take care of my territory.”
I heard a loud roar in the background.
“Plane’s taking off,” he yelled.
“Bye. See you soon,” I said into my phone.
“Bye, you fucking delicious piece of dirty woman.”
The call ended, and I tried not to smile.
Honestly, I’d been looking forward to seeing him and having our talk, but we’d been in this whirlwind, and I needed to catch my breath. Everything was happening so fast.
Yeah, I can wait one day to have that conversation. Besides, I should trust him. He had this situation handled. Right?
“Hey, Lily. There you are.”
I looked up at Mike, who had his laptop bag slung over his shoulder, looking ready to head out.
I cleared my throat. “Hi, Mike.” I hoped to dear God he hadn’t overheard what I’d just said about my vibrator. My door had been open.
“How was Houston?” he asked.
I shrugged casually, hoping I wouldn’t blush. “You know Texas in September: hot.” Okay, another lie. But my trip had been hot, especially the man between my thighs.
“Yeah, you look like you got some sun,” he said.
You should see my ass from naked sunbathing while Mr. Cole tried to read the morning paper. “I burn pretty easily. It’s very annoying.” I looked down at my sleeveless white blouse and white skirt. I really did look like strawberry ice cream with vanilla swirls.
We stared at each other for an awkward moment, and then I realized what he was likely thinking: I forgot about him. “Hey, Mike. I know that you asked me to—”
He held up his hand. “It’s okay. I know when I’m being blown off. I never should’ve asked you to begin with, us being coworkers and all.”
“No. It’s not that, it’s just…I’m seeing someone, and it’s getting serious.” God, this felt so awkward. And I hoped he didn’t put the pieces together, but the cat would be out of the bag soon anyway.