She withdrew her hand and looked away.
“Why’d you come to my room?” he pressed.
She couldn’t tell him she’d wanted him forever. If last night had made her feel emotionally weak, saying those words, admitting she had fantasized about him for years, would be like painting a bull’s-eye on her heart. Biting her lip, she hesitated, searching for an explanation. “It’s been a long time for me. For sex, I mean. I’ve had orgasms . . .” God, she was making a mess of this. “But not like that.”
“Proximity. You needed a rush, and I was there. I get it.” He sat back in his chair. “I guess it is safer than jumping out of planes.”
No, not by a long shot, but she kept her mouth shut.
“But I can’t be your next big rush,” he added.
“I know,” she said, unable to hide the frustration in her voice. “We’re clear on that.”
He reached for the bacon. “So what’s next on your adrenaline hit list?”
Georgia blinked. Did he really think it was that easy? That she had a list of things to check off to prove she was alive and worthy of moving on with her life? That if she made it to the end she’d be fine after all she’d seen?
“It’s not like that,” she said.
He crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Then why are you doing this? Seeking out one big hit of excitement after another?”
“You don’t know what I saw.”
“Tell me,” he demanded.
She shook her head. No. Getting through this, moving forward, that was on her. She hadn’t told anyone—not her brother, not the few remaining girlfriends she’d kept in touch with, or the military shrink—about what it was like to watch her fellow soldiers lose their lives. She couldn’t. No one else could understand.
“Georgia,” he said, “tell me. Please.”
Georgia pressed her lips together. She didn’t have the words. Not yet. Maybe she never would.
“I can’t. I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” She pushed back from the table, picked her keys up off the countertop, and headed for the door.
“Georgia, wait.” Eric was on his feet. “Don’t leave like this. Please. I don’t want you to do something stupid.”
She spun toward him, unable to bury the thunderstorm of emotions—anger, fear, panic—rising to the surface. “Like get naked with the next guy who happens to be in my proximity?”
“Not what I meant.”
She turned the key over and over in her hand, rubbing the pad of her thumb along the jagged edge. “You don’t have to worry about me. I’m not going to sleep with every available guy.”
She didn’t want anyone else. Just him. Always Eric, with his sharp blue eyes and powerful body.
“I’m damn glad to hear that.” His hands formed fists at his sides. “But after seeing what you were willing to do . . . Georgia, there are other ways. I want to help you, believe me, I do.”
“No.” Right now, she was dealing with it by burying the emotions until she was ready. Jumping from one thrill to the next, craving the physical reminders that she was alive, might seem crazy to the people around her, but it was the only way she knew how to keep going.
Turning away from him, she opened the door to the attached garage. Behind her, she heard Eric let out a frustrated breath.
“Georgia. Please.” She heard the note of frustration buried beneath his even tone. “Stay. Talk to me.”
“No.”
Georgia stepped down into the garage. She knew she was acting childish, but right now, she needed to be somewhere else, away from him and the wanting she felt whenever they were in the same room. Opening the door to the Jeep Eric had leant her while she was working as his nanny, she slipped inside and pulled out her phone. She didn’t have many girlfriends left. The ones she had kept in touch with lived in different worlds. While they’d been getting married, she’d been living in a war zone. That didn’t leave them with much common ground.
But Katie Summers had always been there for her. She didn’t pretend to understand what Georgia had been through, and she knew Georgia had a crush on Eric that dated back to junior high.
“Katie?” she said when her friend answered. “It’s Georgia. I have a few hours before I pick Nate up. Feel like saddling your horses?”
Her friend agreed and Georgia felt a rush of relief. She needed this—girl time—someone to talk to, not about the war, but about boys.
FORTY-FIVE MINUTES later, Georgia mounted a bay quarter horse mare named Sugar. Katie rode beside her in silence until they were away from the barn and Katie’s three older brothers, who ran Summers Family Trucking from the offices connected to the horses’ home. Once they were out of earshot, heading for the wide-open field, Katie turned to her. “Want to talk about it?”
“I sort of hooked up with Eric,” Georgia said quickly.
“Eric, Eric?” Katie’s green eyes widened. “Explain ‘sort of.’”
Kissing and telling had never been her thing. What she’d shared with Eric had been kinky, but to her, it was also special and private. “We did things that if my brother found out, he’d start throwing punches.”
“Oh, this sounds good.” Katie’s eyes sparkled and her red curls bounced. “I’d love to do something with a man that would have my brothers throwing punches.”
“I thought you were dating that guy from Portland,” Georgia said, gently nudging her mount to keep up with Katie’s horse.
“I was, but my brothers liked him too much.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“Always. He started spending more time shooting pool and drinking beer when he came to visit than doing anything that would cause my brothers to lose their tempers. The best ones are always the guys who leave your brothers spoiling for a fight. Trust me,” Katie said. “But we’re not talking about me now. Tell me more about Eric.”
“Nothing more to tell. We talked about it this morning and decided it can never happen again.”
Katie drew her horse to an abrupt stop. “Why not?”
“I work for him, Liam’s his friend, I’m his friend—take your pick.” Georgia stared at the jagged Cascade Mountains in the distance. Somewhere out there a fire burned, threatening everything in its path, including Eric and her brother.
“Oh, and he thinks I just wanted a bit of excitement,” she added.
“I’ve always thought Eric looked exciting.”
Georgia let out a mirthless laugh. “He is. Believe me, he is. But he’s also dangerous. Emotionally.”
“Afraid you’ll get attached and he won’t?”
“Something like that.” She was scared to death she’d hand over her heart, and with it, her only sense of security. Falling for him—it would strip away her strength and her independence. “But now I have to live in the same house with him.”
“Quit,” Katie said with a shrug. “Find another job. The man has gobs of money. He can find another nanny in a heartbeat.”
“I can’t do that to Nate. I can’t just disappear on the kid. But seeing Eric every day . . . I’m not sure I can do that either.”
“And you’re sure you can’t ‘sort of hook up’ with him again?”
“It’s complicated,” she said. “Liam is his best friend. And Eric thinks he’ll be furious if he found out. I don’t want to damage their friendship.”
Katie shook her head. “Brothers. They always stick their noses where they don’t belong. But Liam is a big boy. You and Eric are both adults, free to make your own decisions. If you want a relationship with Eric, I say go for it.”
“I don’t know if I can handle it.” Saying those words out loud felt as if she’d forgotten a piece of body armor, leaving a part of herself exposed.
“Oh, please. You’ve had a thing for Eric for as long as I’ve known you. Have you stopped to think that maybe you owe it to yourself after all you’ve been through to explore this thing between you? If he hooked up with you despite what I’m guessing is a pretty long list of reasons not to, it’s obvious he’s attracted to you. But it doesn’t have to be deep and emotional. Just have fun. And for goodness’ sake, you don’t have to tell Liam unless it turns serious. Believe me, your brother doesn’t need to know about every man in your life.”