After a time, he eased and went still in my arms. I continued to cradle his head to my shoulder and stroke his hair. Sonny knelt on one knee behind Zack, face serious and focused and full of genuine concern. Zack sucked in a shaky breath and pushed himself to sit straight again, lifted his hand, and brushed my cheek with his fingertips in a gesture of gratitude far deeper than words.
“Do you need Jill?” I asked softly.
He drew in a sharp breath and stiffened, eyes reflecting panic. “No! No, I can’t,” he said emphatically. “It’s not her. I just can’t.”
“It’s okay. I understand,” I hurried to assure him, then considered the situation. “You need time. You need to feel safe. And you don’t need to be alone. But you need to be with someone . . . neutral.”
“Yes. I’m so sorry.” The words came out in a pained whisper, and the veil slid from another level of understanding. Zack was accustomed to being the caretaker and guardian, the elder and advisor. He was the one with vision and understanding. Yet, for the moment, he couldn’t serve in any of those roles, and instead was the one who needed care. The whole mess surely made for a confusing and heavy burden.
“No need to be sorry, Zack,” I said. “You went through a major trauma. I needed a few days away from it all not too long ago.” If Helori hadn’t accompanied me to the wilds of the demon realm for a timeout after Rhyzkahl tortured me, I never would have recovered. “How about Jill’s house?” I suggested. “It’s already warded, and she’s at our place with Steeev which means you’d have it to yourself.”
A flicker of relief passed through his eyes. “Yes.” He swallowed, gave an unsteady nod. “Yes, that’s good.”
“After we get you settled, I’ll call her and let her know what’s going on. She’ll understand.” I had faith in my friend. “I also think Sonny should stay with you.”
Zack looked at me with naked hope in his eyes. “Will he?”
That response alone told me I’d made a good call. I looked over at Sonny. “Zack could use your company for a little while. You cool with that?”
Pleased relief lit his face. “Sure thing. Whatever you need.”
“Great. It’ll be good for you as well,” I said. “In fact, it’s probably best for both of you to simply trust me, go along with everything I say, and not argue.”
Zack managed a weak smile. “Opportunistic dictatress.”
“That’s Stubborn Opinionated Bitch,” I corrected. “Come on. Let’s get out of here. The mosquitoes are vicious.”
Zack made a failed attempt to stand. “I don’t know that I can walk.”
Sonny moved close, drew Zack’s arm across his shoulders, pulled Zack up with him as he straightened. “You don’t have to, Agent Garner. I’ve got you.”
I ducked under Zack’s other arm and wrapped my arm around his waist. Getting back to the car was a lot harder than going in, but we eventually got Zack tucked into the backseat with Sonny.
I quickly filled Bryce in and told him where to go. Zack slumped against the door with his eyes closed, while Sonny fidgeted and exuded calm all at the same time. Bryce brooded in silence, no doubt worried about Paul, and I remained quiet as well, thoughts and questions about Mzatal, Vsuhl, Pyrenth, and my own identity issues whirling and colliding within me.
Trampled grass in Jill’s yard remained the only indication there’d been a crime scene only a few days ago. Bryce pulled into the driveway and parked, then Sonny helped Zack into the house to get him settled on the sofa. Bryce got out of the car, leaned on the hood and looked up at the sky. I started to ask him if he was okay but caught myself before the dumb question slipped out. Instead, I laid my hand on his arm, gave it a squeeze, then turned and headed into the house.
I checked the kitchen for supplies, relieved to find plenty of food in the pantry and fridge. Sonny quickly explored the small house to get a feel for the layout. Zack sat hunched on the sofa with a pillow hugged to his chest, looking confused and lost. I’d promised him everything would be all right, but what if I was wrong? Could he recover from such a deep trauma?
I knew a little about trauma, and I remembered how awesome it felt to wade into the sea after my torture ordeal. Though a bath was a far cry from the ocean, it held plenty of merits of its own. I went into the bathroom and cranked the water on full in the tub, then hunted in Jill’s closet and found Zack a set of his own sweats. A scrounge under the bathroom sink turned up some simple herbal sea salt, and I tossed a handful into the steaming bath, glad that Jill had something not too perfumey.
I returned to the living room, stooped, and slid Zack’s arm over my shoulder. “C’mon, demon-dude. I have something for you.”
He didn’t resist as I helped him to his feet, and we made it to the bathroom without either of us falling over. Zack looked at the filling tub as he steadied himself with a hand on the counter. “That bad, huh?” he asked with a flicker of a smile.
I smiled. “You have grass in your hair, and you’ve been downwind from a bait shop. Now strip and get in.”
He pulled his clothing off and let it drop to the floor. Once he was in the tub, I shut the water off, knelt on the bathroom rug, and proceeded to gently bathe him, as if caring for a child. I had the unshakable sense he needed simple nurturing and physical contact. And judging by the way he relaxed into it, my sense seemed to be right on target.
Zack closed his eyes, leaned back. I took my time, often simply soaking the sponge, then squeezing the water out over his torso. Once I’d cleaned all the decent parts, I set the sponge on the side of the tub. “I’m gonna let you scrub your balls, ’kay?”
“You’re such a chicken,” he murmured and cracked one eye open at me.
“Cluck cluck,” I shot back with a smile. “There’s a big fluffy towel and your sweats right here. Soak for a bit and then holler if you need help getting out.”
He opened his eyes fully, found mine. I felt a whisper of his mental touch, and then a gentle caress of my essence along with a flood of love and gratitude.
My throat clogged, and I had to wipe tears from my eyes. I laid my hand on his forearm, squeezed lightly. “Take your time,” I said, voice rough. “We’re here for you.”
I left him in the bath and returned to the living room. After about ten minutes he emerged under his own power—which was an improvement—though he remained unsteady on his feet and disturbingly pale.
Hiding my worry as much as possible, I guided him to the sofa, sat beside him. “I’ll let Jill know the gist of what’s going on with you,” I told him. “We’ll all take care of Szerain and make sure he spends time on the mini-nexus until you come home. Sonny will call if you need me for anything, all right?”
A smile struggled to his lips. “Yeah. Thanks.”
I gave him a hug. “I’m so sorry it turned out like this for you.”
He held me close, then surprised me by gently kissing my cheek. “Some things are worth the price you have to pay.”
I returned the gesture then left him with Sonny. Deep resolve formed in my gut as I returned to the car and Bryce. Zack had sacrificed himself to save us all in a moment of crisis—and possibly in the greater battle as well.
I intended to extract a price from the ones who’d made it necessary.
Chapter 42