“I’m afraid I’m going to frighten him away,” she told Phoebe, as if to make a joke of her fierceness in bed.
“Do you want to talk to Dance?” Phoebe asked next.
“Oh God, I don’t know. That’s scary.” She sat back in the oversized mission rocker.
“Good!” Phoebe said, smiling. “Being frightened is good. It clears out the pores, makes us more aware of our surroundings.” She lifted up her teacup and took a sip.
Jennifer looked again toward the flames of the fire. Phoebe was giving her time to decide. She wasn’t rushing her, but that only made her more nervous.
“How do I talk to him? I’ve never done anything like this.”
“Well, when I go into a trance,” Phoebe explained, “and he comes through, he usually says something that shows he understands your problem, and then he’ll say something like, ‘How may I help you?’ That’s his signal. Then you may ask anything, talk about anything, whatever. There is no such thing as a stupid question. Out of the most mundane questions have come answers and information for all of us. To him nothing is boring, everything is for the first time. This is what he has been sent to do for our society. If he feels a reluctance on your part to talk about something, he will not volunteer information. If he feels you want to get the ball rolling, he will go as far and as fast as you want to take it. He reflects whatever energy you put out.”
“But can he help me understand what is happening?”
“Jennifer, I don’t know. I think he might be able to point you in the right direction. He might even have some specific answers. He might be able to look into your spirit life and see where you have been, in what ways you have been reincarnated. “
“How will I know that Dance is here? Do you tell me or what?”
“Well, when the connection is made you’ll see my body go through a few little reactions. Nothing about this is painful to me, you should know. The experience is very energizing and very valuable. For me it is like a very deep dream. I really don’t hear the words because consciousness is not focused in that way. I am aware that there is an interaction going on, and I feel the emotions, I feel the energy, but that’s all. I don’t listen to your conversation. Dance and I are having our own conversation.”
“Does he speak English?”
“They don’t use language at all in his world. His mind sends thought, and because my consciousness is diffused, it allows his mind to sort of imprint its vibration on mine. So basically my energy is being used as a translator box for him. Whatever language I’m programmed in, that is the language in which his thoughts will emerge from my mouth. That’s what you hear. He is not actually speaking at all.”
She paused a moment. “Are you ready?” she asked.
“I don’t know. I guess.” Jennifer laughed nervously.
“All right, then, help me prepare myself to be receptive. Let’s meditate for a few minutes.” Phoebe drew herself up and crossed her legs. “Let’s close our eyes. After the meditation, when I’m in my trance, you can drink tea, whatever, but at the beginning let us be quiet and keep our eyes closed. Get comfortable yourself and try to breathe as fluidly as you can.”
Jennifer did not close her eyes. She was afraid of the darkness, afraid of not knowing what Phoebe Fisher was doing.
The small woman linked her legs together and laid her arms loosely in her lap. Her eyes were closed and her head was bent forward as she softly spoke.
“I ask the salamanders to put a ring of fire around us tonight, to protect us during this session, and Dance, I ask you that you only bring the spirits for our highest good to us.”
For a moment Phoebe was silent, meditating. She had lit small candles in the room, and in the gathering darkness and the dying fire, they glowed like distant vigil lights.
“I want you to see yourself surrounded by a big ball of blue,” Phoebe said, whispering now. “A very bright, vibrant blue color. All around you. It covers you from head to foot like a big cocoon. It goes through you, permeating you. This beautiful blue brings peace and serenity and spiritual awareness. In front of you, behind you, over your head, through you. Now clothe and purify us. I want to bring down on white light through both of us. See it entering through the top of your head, gently coming into every part of your body. Don’t block it, Jennifer. Let it gently wash through you from head to foot. See it entering every cell and every pore. This beautiful beam of white light.”
Jennifer closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on the beam of light.
“Now, Jennifer, I am going to say a few words. Let your mind freely associate with these words in a positive way. This is an exercise in raising your vibrations so we invoke only the higher entities.”
“Love.”
Jennifer thought of Tom, of the first time she had seen him striding into a courtroom, and how he seemed to overwhelm everyone else with his presence and authority.
“Joy,” Phoebe whispered.
She thought of running across the meadows of the nature center at Planting Fields. She had been with Kathy Handley and Eileen. It was a wonderful warm spring day, and they were all skipping school.
“Peace.”
She had made love to Tom and was lying in his sleeping arms. It was a quiet afternoon in the city, and she did not want to be anywhere else in the world, ever. And she had thought then that that was real peace.
“O Master of Creation,” Phoebe went on, “Thou art the sky full of happiness that displays all the stars of the universe. I humbly ask to be a channel today to Jennifer, that I be out of the way, that I give up control of my body to the spirits so that they may come and speak to her. We want to thank all of you who are with us today for coming and giving us your time and your energies. God bless you all.”
“Let us now return to the silence. Be very still and quiet in guiding the spirits to come and to speak.”
Jennifer opened her eyes again. They had adjusted to the darkness, and she could see clearly. Phoebe was before her, still sitting in her yoga position. Her head was still bowed, but her body moved, as if she were unsettled and disturbed by a nightmare. Her small shoulders drew tight, and like a reflex, her arms jerked, then settled down again into her lap. She took several quick, deep breaths.
Jennifer’s eyes widened. But then Phoebe settled down again, and from deep within her came a man’s voice.
“I come in love and fellowship, to clear the blocks that are in your way so that you will become more enlightened about where you are going and how to get there. Now how may I help you?”
Jennifer, mesmerized, could see Phoebe’s small body react, see her shake and jerk, as if the voice were tearing her apart with the force of its power.
“I see that you do not consider your feelings valid. When you were a child, your parents did not treat your feelings with respect.”
“Yes,” Jennifer whispered. She had never put the feeling into words for herself before, but she knew he spoke the truth.
“Your feelings, your emotions, were discarded, and now in your adulthood it is difficult for you to feel valued. You are questioning something. There is doubt. There is mistrust of yourself, and this reflects directly onto others. There is anger.”
“I’m not angry,” Jennifer whispered.
“Support yourself,” Dance continued, not responding to Jennifer. “Begin to know yourself and your reactions. You are human just like everyone else, and your feelings are natural.”
Dance stopped speaking, and Phoebe took several deep breaths. Her eyes were still closed, and her face was calm, showing no emotion.
Jennifer leaned forward in the dying light of the fireplace and peered closer, trying to see if Phoebe were truly in a trance. Then Dance spoke up again, his voice loud and hard in the silence of the room.