“You have come with questions?” he asked. Phoebe lifted her head and her eyelids fluttered.
“Yes, I have some,” Jennifer responded, surprised by her own courage. “I am told my body is carried forward. What part is carried forward?”
“Just your spirit, that is all.”
Jennifer thought a moment. “Like if I see someone I think I know from before, but there is no way I could know him or her?.”
“That is an energy recognition. Everyone vibrates a certain way. Other spirits will recognize your energy. That is what soul mates are all about. The flesh body is just what you have chosen. Some people choose to be crippled in this lifetime to balance a karma from a previous lifetime, perhaps one in which they were abusing their flesh.”
“How far back do I go? I mean, how far back do my lives go?”
“To the very beginning, where everyone was created equal. All souls are the same age. Now, some people are called ‘old souls’ because they have been through many reincarnations. Other souls have chosen to return only once or twice. Some have never been reincarnated.”
“We ourselves choose to be reincarnated?”
“Yes, but only a part of you is reincarnated each time. There is a highly evolved part of yourself—part of your total soul group—that is called the higher self. Only the parts of your soul that needed to experience this incarnation are here today. Part of you has already gone through a more highly evolved development and is now above you, guiding you.”
“What about my other incarnations?” Jennifer asked. “What was I in past lives?”
Dance stopped speaking for a moment, and Phoebe’s head jerked back.
“I see one lifetime. You were a nun in Italy, and a sinner.”
“Was I evil?” Jennifer thought of her murders. Maybe she had always been evil; maybe that was her destiny.
“All souls—or spirits, as you call them-—are given the opportunity to be the creator as well as the created. Some spirits create bad in their lifetimes, and some, good. There was an upheaval at the source of the universe—all our universes—and that was the beginning of karma.”
“When did that happen, in time?”
“Time is not relevant. There is no real time; we don’t measure. There are none of your words to explain it. Some of the karma lessons are painful, but they are always for the good of the soul. I wish you could see—with my mind—how far you have come.”
“What will happen to me in this life?”
Phoebe Fisher shook her head. “I know, but I wish not to tell you, Jennifer,” Dance replied. “This life you must live. Yet do not fear. You are not alone. You have spirits around you, parts of your soul group, your teachers and mentors, and they will guide you, as they always have. Listen to them.”
“Are they always with me?”
“Yes and no. Spirits come and go. We don’t own each other. If you seek them, if you enlighten yourself, they will come to you and aid you.”
Jennifer watched Phoebe Fisher, wondering if it all was a game, playacting. And as soon as she had the thought, she dismissed it. The happiness she felt in Phoebe’s presence was not something that could be faked.
“Do you have any more questions?” Dance asked.
“Yes, I do. Do you know what has been happening to me, what I’ve been doing to other people?”
“Tell me,” Dance said, and Phoebe’s body leaned forward to listen.
Jennifer told her story, told of the incidents and her violent reactions, and when she finished, she asked only, “How do I keep myself from doing this again? From hurting people?”
“I cannot help you,” said Dance, as Phoebe rocked back and forth. “Someone from your past life—not your future lives—is trying to gain hold of your spirit. In the past, in the deep and hidden past of your soul, lies a secret and a tragedy. You must discover yourself what this secret is. And to discover this truth, you must return to your first breath of life. And there lies the mystery of your life.”
“And now I must leave you. My dear Phoebe is tiring. I leave you with one warning. Do not fight this spirit who wishes to speak.”
Jennifer nodded, then realized that Dance was slipping away, but before she could speak, Phoebe’s shoulders shook. Her head rocked back, and her small body trembled. Then she looked up and smiled at Jennifer. “Well, he came, didn’t he?” she asked in her own voice.
“Yes,” Jennifer said. She had become so accustomed to Dance, she was shocked that Phoebe was herself again.
“And was he helpful?”
“You didn’t hear?”
Phoebe shook her head, smiling apologetically. “Dance was helping me with some of my own questions.”
“He told me I was once an Italian nun.”
“Oh, how lovely! I was once a maid in the royal household of King James, as well as—briefly—his mistress. It’s exciting, isn’t it?” She smiled at Jennifer, looking more alert than she had seemed earlier.
“I don’t know. I don’t know what to believe,” Jennifer said, sighing. “But at least he told me what I had to do. Learn to meditate.” Jennifer smiled and stood up. “I must go. I’m exhausted.” She began to collect her belongings.
“What else? Do you want to share with me what else he said?” Phoebe asked.
“You don’t know, do you?” Jennifer said, staring at the smaller woman.
Phoebe shook her head. “No, really, I don’t. I mean, it must seem silly, my talking to you, but I wasn’t consciously there. I had turned over my body to Dance.”
“Well, it seems there’s someone struggling to get into my body. One of my past lives.”
“Yes,” said Phoebe, nodding. “As I said when we first met, I had this feeling, this emotion, that there was someone else—a trapped soul—who wanted to speak.”
“Well, he’s not speaking,” Jennifer replied, then kept herself from saying more.
“Perhaps it is a she,” Phoebe answered. “Gender isn’t an issue in the spirit world.” She hugged Jennifer as they said good night. “Good luck to you,” she whispered. “And remember, I’m always here for you.”
“Thank you,” Jennifer said, with tears in her eyes. It had been a long time since she had felt this close to another woman. “Thank you for everything. For your understanding most of all.”
“Yeah, that’s my job.” Phoebe laughed, then looked up into Jennifer’s eyes. The smile was gone from her face.
“What’s the matter?” Jennifer asked.
Phoebe shook her head. “I’m not sure. I felt something, that’s all. I felt danger, I think. I mean, it was a new emotion for me. Be careful.”
“I’m going right home.”
“Good! I want you to promise you’ll call if you want to have me channel Dance again.”
“Thank you.”
“And I think you need a crystal.”
“Oh, I have one!” Jennifer answered. She produced the small piece of quartz from the pocket of her coat.
Phoebe frowned at it a moment. “Did you buy it for yourself?” she asked.
“No. A good friend who knows Kathy Dart gave it to me.”
Phoebe shook her head and plucked the small crystal from Jennifer’s palm.
“I think it is best,” she said carefully, “if you have your own crystal.” She slipped Jennifer’s quartz into the deep pocket of her own wool skirt, then drew a pencil and pad from the same pocket. “Here is a name of a crystal store downtown,” she said. “I know the owner. Please go see him as soon as you can. This afternoon if possible.” She handed the slip of paper to Jennifer, and patted the pocket where she had hidden the quartz. “I’ll see about ‘deprogramming’ this one. For the moment, I think you’re safer without a charged-up crystal that doesn’t have your best interest in mind.”