7459/K, please start with your arguments. You’ll have the first word….
*switch*
Soap Opera
Klimax Group proudly presents: The House of Nouth
In this episode: Will Zathatera face new troubles? Just released from jail—after he found out that his mother is, in truth, his father and a vegetarian—he accidentally killed his estranged parent and an innocent neighbour, while on drugs during a fishing holiday. What he doesn’t know is that his mother/father isn’t truly dead, but subscribed to a Malaysian dance troupe, while his neighbour…is truly dead.
But he won’t have any rest. Unhappy, he tries to interfere in the marriage of his stepdaughter, Althera…Will he succeed?
We press thumbs.
*switch*
Now, you simply break the three legs off, and fill the beetle with the garlic and a bit of Croni liquor…I’ve just prepared this….
*switch*
*glb glib*
*brb brb*
*switch*
Haggerty and Marley are close to the hing straight. The decision must come now….
*switch*
The Dhole seems restless. After the argument with historian Zkauba, he/she/it seems to be losing ground. The sympathies of the public are clearly on the side of the natives, as the voting shows….
The new single by the Alhambra Flutes….
…accompanied by the Tolero Brothers….
“You just can’t catch me…but if you did, I wouldn’t care.”
Gardening with Modern Cybernetics
The secrets of unique blossoming, and colours simply from out of this world, revealed by the Ythians.
Make your neighbour rip his head off!
Crime on Io
Seven Mooncats and a youngish Zook are dead, but who’s the victim?
Documentary: Delve with us into the ruins of Ib and rediscover astonishing revelations of an unknown past.
If you call now, we’ll even add this useful pincer at the price of only 30 Crex!
Chemistry for Kids
Part 1—How to build a door between the worlds.
Part 2—Nitrogen bombs in three easy steps.
The News
The price of energy decreases, due through the find of a new crystal specimen on Venus.
Headhunting Live
Who will catch the criminal on the run? Call now…McCarty and his team of Old Ones are, as usual, prepared…This ain’t fun for the juvenile nightgaunt.
Opera
Dubbed in Ancient Egyptian and Modern English.
Kla (Hero): What do you want of me?
Ste (Heroine): Kill him.
Kla: I cannot do this.
Ste: Kill him.
Kla: Don’t tempt me, dearest; don’t tempt me.
The Dhole broke free! It’s rampaging through the conference room. The assembled are panic-stricken. It’s breaking down the door and moves out of sight.
Wait for more breaking news.
Only metres remain between Haggerty and the final. But what now? A Dhole enters the racecourse. It squeezes two participants into the corners and keeps aiming at Haggerty, simply sweeps him away….
What a tragic ending of a gorgeous day in sports….
News: Dhole heading for the Portal.
News: Energy prices slightly increasing.
*glrb nub?*
*grub clrb?*—“What does the Dhole here?”
*knub crlb*—“Take that for breaking my headstone!”
“Out of my kitchen! Oh, no, the dessert!”
Chemistry for Kids
“The portal works and, as suspected, it reveals a Dhole…a Dhole?! Argh!”
“It’s getting at the bomb!”
“Well observed, Mickey!”
BOOOMB!
News: Studio Five has mysteriously exploded. Tragically, it also caught an energy depot close by…Stay tuned for more news.
News: Prices for energy high as never before!
Opera
“What do you want me to do?”
“Kill, kill, kill!”
*switch*
Snow
*switch*
*switch*
Shut down due to maintenance.
Stay tuned.
TRI-TV was yesterday! Today, we have printed paper!
DO NOT IMAGINE
By Mari Ness
Mari Ness’ fiction and poetry have appeared in multiple print and online publications, including Clarkesworld, Fantasy Magazine, Shine: An Anthology of Optimistic Science Fiction, Goblin Fruit, and Ideomancer. Further small insights into her mind and work can be found at: mariness.livejournal.com, and on Twitter at: mari_ness. She lives in central Florida, and openly admits to being rather grateful that the streetlight at the end of the block keeps monsters away at night.
RUBEDO, AN ALCHEMY OF MADNESS
By Michael Matheson