“If you mean your taking over one of those cancellations, yes, we get several daily, but we take them into consideration when we speak about our full workload each day. It’s analogous to the airlines who intentionally, with the consent of the agency regulating them, overbook their flights by fifteen percent because they know a quarter to more reservations and even confirmed tickets will at the last minute—”
I see a well-dressed woman in a suit and briefcase having the door marked “Hearing Room” held open for her by a guard and I say “Who’s that lady there? Someone in the tribunal? The judge?”
“We don’t have judges. She’s today’s hearing examiner, which might as well be the judge and jury so far as you’re concerned, for her word’s fact and law.”
“Ma’am?” I shout to the door.
“Please, she has her own full workload — she has to prepare.”
Examiner’s stopped by the door and is looking at me. I run over to her.
“Ma’am? Hearing examiner? My name’s Shaney Fleet. I know you’re tied up but I own a bar and grill that’s been closed. Here, look at this please and see if I don’t rate something fairer — an earlier hearing today if you can make it,” and I open the summons to show her.
“I am extremely busy, Mr. Fleet. Any dealings with the tribunal, see the clerk there.”
“I’ve seen her. She’s been very nice but I can’t wait any more days. Each is a dollar for me — many. I’ve no savings. I owe rent — home and bar — you can’t imagine the bills. You shouldn’t’ve shut me down if you have to put so many days between the shutdown and trial.”
“If the city gave us the funds we needed we’d see you the same day you were shut down. And it wasn’t the tribunal that closed you. It can help reopen you though and return your health permit if that’s it, and it’s a hearing you’ve been summoned to, not a trial. You were closed by the inspection arm of the department which, after two mandatory inspections, must have thought your establishment was a hazard to your customers’ health.”
“What was such a hazard? Garbage bags in the basement that weren’t picked up? He could’ve given me a hearing here first before closing me or a third inspection or just fined me without taking my business away for a week. And that garbage was downstairs, just a couple of days old and not even smelling, and the customers up.”
“Then you probably had exposed food near that garbage area and he asked you to remove the bags or make arrangements where they could be removed in the next day or two and you couldn’t.”
“I couldn’t because I’ve been honestly trying to get rid of those bags and can’t.”
“That’s presumably why he closed you then.”
“What if I tell you that he might’ve closed me because he’s on the take from a private garbage company who besides doing other things to me are trying to drive me out of business?”
“I’d tell you that that’s a very serious charge.”
“It’s not a charge, just an idea.”
“If that inspector were here and heard you make that idea, he could charge you with libel and probably win easily if you couldn’t prove your idea, because I’d be both his adviser and witness.”
“But he isn’t here.”
“But I’m here and telling you to control yourself or else I’ll bring you to court and charge you with libel in his or the Health Department’s name and this office will be my witness.”
“I heard what this man said,” the guard says, “and I’d be willing to, Mrs. Fortiago, I would.”
“Sure you’d be willing to,” I tell him, “sure you would. You’re all such a bunch of damn robots for your positions and salaries — saying anything anyone higher up wants you to just to secure your jobs.”
“You retract that or I’ll institute a libel suit against you and use Mrs. Fortiago as my witness.”
“I would for him too, Mr. Fleet, no matter how many wasted days I’d have to spend in court waiting to appear. Because you can’t run around libeling people left and right and think they won’t sue you.”
“All right, I apologize to the health inspector through you. I also apologize to you and this officer too. And to the clerk over there. I apologize,” I yell to her, “for whatever I said to you good or bad — no, just bad. Now,” to Mrs. Fortiago, “isn’t there something you can do to bring my hearing nearer to today?”
She takes my summons. “I accept your apology by the way,” without looking up at me. “I do too,” the guard says.
Seems to read my summons through. “Believe me. Your hearing, probably because yours is a small operation and so might suffer undue financial distress, was actually scheduled sooner than if it were a bar owned by a large company, so be thankful for that.”
“I am thankful. Thank you.”
“And from what it says, you’ve had multiple garbage offenses lately, not only with us but the Sanitation Department and Police.”
“Where’s it say that?”
“These tiny code marks on the side here. Your inspector must have done a city computer readout on you and after it thought it wiser to use his discretionary emergency powers to close you down now.”
“All right. Honesty’s so far gotten me nowhere. But it’s true those little marks, but I can explain all of them.”
“Do that at your hearing Friday. If I’m the examiner that day I’ll listen to you as I do with every violator: intently and sympathetically. We’re hoping for the economic survival of this city as much as any department, so we’re not out to vengefully close anyone down for good.”
“No, I want you to listen now or at the very latest tomorrow in that room.”
“If I am selected examiner on Friday, then try as I might to stop this prospect from happening, what you say today can always influence me emotionally and psychologically against you. So I advise you not to burn all—”
“But you get cancellations, don’t you? The clerk told me so. Several a day, maybe more on Tuesdays, so slip me in. I’m confident I’ll win no matter what you might carry inside against me.”
“King. If Mr. Fleet isn’t off this floor in one minute, call another officer and walk him to the street.”
“You can do that with anyone you want to, right?” I say. “Like in some country without our laws against it, right?”
“If I’m badgered in the hallway and where all my hearings are delayed because of it, then that’s also considered contempt of court. Believe me, I’m being lenient. I could have the cuffs put on you right now.”
“All right. I’m sorry. I’ll wait till Friday like you say and have a very nice day,” and I take back my summons and leave.
I go to the bar and clean it up good. I find paint under the basement stairs and start painting the inside front door and end up doing most of the walls and some ceiling and then have to sand down the messier paint spots on the floor with steel wool and then stain and wax every inch of floor including the kitchen linoleum and washroom. I next clean and paint the washroom. That place wasn’t half so bad as the rest but I like to see the walls and toilet and mirror and sink there shine. That’s what I want for myself in other restaurants and bars or would if I went to them so that’s what I want my customers to have too. Not that one in maybe the last ten thousand ever thanked me for it — paid me a compliment like “I really appreciate a clean seat and washbowl in there,” or even “One thing I can always depend on here aside from your snide remarks and flat beer is a nice-smelling and — looking john.” Maybe they think that’d be stupid to say, but I wouldn’t mind hearing it.