My grandmother and grandfather’s reaction was amazing. It was a weight off their shoulders. They had always thought I was crazy because I flew around like Tarzan, swung on the vines in the village and rode around on a motorcycle with my brother. They had always thought I was insane, and this calmed them. They even started being nicer to me.
MASHA
If that were my grandmother and grandfather, my grandfather would have resurrected Stalin and killed you and everyone around you. My mother knew since I was a college student. When we started dating she knew about it and she was fine with it. She got used to it.
RUSLAN
She’s just really great. She loves me. Now she’s my mother-in-law. They don’t know at work. That chapter is closed. It’s easier that way. Telling children is actually a complicated question. We’ve discussed whether we’d tell our children, whether it’s worth it or not. We’re leaning toward telling them. That is, to educate our children to be tolerant and LGBT friendly from the outset. That seems like the right thing to do.
MASHA
Yes, unequivocally so. I would raise them that way no matter what.
RUSLAN
There are a lot of transgender people raising children and the children don’t know anything.
MASHA
I think that it’s important to tell children not in early childhood, but when the child is rational, when there’s a foundation. Then the child is ready to learn the truth about their father. We’re going to have children and they’re going to be happy.
Masha and Ruslan have known each other for ten years, but they haven’t been together that whole time. When Ruslan was twenty and Masha was twenty-one, they broke up for six years, but they remained friends. Several years ago, Ruslan and his mother moved to Moscow. Two-and-a-half years ago, Masha moved in with them.
MASHA
When we first broke up, we didn’t see each other for a long time. Maybe for three years. Then we’d see each other once a year, twice a year, but steadily. We always had things to talk about. It’s possible that if we had stayed together back then, we wouldn’t still be together now. It’s possible that we would have outlived our relationship by now. We needed to have more experience, to accept things about ourselves, and each other.
RUSLAN
Back then we were always fighting. It was very volatile.
MASHA
For a long time, we couldn’t bear to break up. We’d do it, but then we’d get back together and this went on for a long time, almost a year. I am still upset about all of it, about all of those break-ups. It was very hard for me; I was horribly depressed. For three years. I didn’t think we’d ever get back together. I got used to it. But everything happened of its own volition. I hope that we die when we’re old, on the same day.
RUSLAN
We didn’t have a real wedding. We had dinner with our relatives, drank champagne at a restaurant.
MASHA
I had this punk dress. It had a yellow tutu and a corset. I just really wanted a yellow tutu. It all began with that tutu. We hadn’t wanted a wedding but then I said, “I want that tutu.” Then, once you have a tutu, you have to invite people over. Everyone got drunk. Ruslan doesn’t drink and I was sick. I get a fever in the middle of the wedding and can’t eat anything. Everyone got drunk and had fun, while Ruslan and I were sober. But we were happy, of course, and satisfied. It was really fun. And my dress was cool. Oh man, I really wanted that yellow tutu. I’ve always hated marriages. I had been trying to prove to everyone that I didn’t need to get married, that I was happy anyway, that all of it was bureaucratic nonsense. When Ruslan wrote me a message saying, “Masha, do you want to be my wife?” I naturally said hell no, why would I do that, but really, I couldn’t refuse. I didn’t have a choice.
VOLODYA & DIMA
“We haven’t stopped holding hands when we walk down the street.”
Volodya and Dima met a year ago at a support group organized by the Rainbow Association in Moscow. According to Dima, one of the main topics of discussion was coming out. When they met, Volodya, 19 at the time, was a mechanic, a member of the Communist Party, and a student in his second year at the Moscow State Technical University. He worked with unions in the Confederation of Labor of Russia. Dima, 25, came to Moscow from Blagovechshensk to support the Moscow LGBT movement after the attack on a gay club on International Coming Out Day.
DIMA
I had just moved to Moscow and was looking for a place to live and work. I am an automation engineer: I design automated control systems for use in manufacturing or in offices. I didn’t say that I was looking for work at the support group. I didn’t want people to think that I’d come to get help with that. I wanted to do it myself.
Volodya and I hit it off right away. He gave me his phone number and invited me to a seminar for unions. I lost his number, but I came to the event. Volodya came up to me and asked, “Should we get out of here?” I liked that he wanted to separate me from the group, as though we were running away together. We went on a walk. I remember sitting on his lap in the park. Some people walked by and said something to us, but Volodya told me, “Don’t pay attention to them.”
VOLODYA
I noticed Dima right away. I gave him my number and invited him to a seminar that was supposed to happen in two weeks. I came to the event with one goaclass="underline" to find him. We ran away and went for a walk. First, we wandered around the Garden Ring, then down Tverskaya. We ended up in Petrovsky Park, where Dima kissed me. It was my first real kiss. That was that.
I understood that I needed him. I looked for him everywhere. He’d appear to me. I thought that if I waited too long to see him, he’d definitely disappear. Because of that, I convinced him to move in with me pretty fast. We’ve only gone for more than a day without seeing each other twice all year. We’re very lucky we met. Of course, I get some of the credit; I know how to get what I want.
DIMA
I never thought things could happen this quickly. At first, I wasn’t as serious about our relationship as Volodya. Now, of course, it’s different. I miss him when he has to spend the night somewhere else. I like how Volodya takes care of me. I love to watch how he works. I like the way it feels when he presses against me at night. I love his long hair. He used to wear glasses like Harry Potter.
The first time Volodya’s parents saw me, it was on Skype. They were giving him a hard time for not having a haircut and having gained weight. Suddenly, I appeared, wearing the yellow bathrobe Volodya’s grandmother had given him. They started laughing and said that we were two of a kind.
VOLODYA
Dima is very shy. In the beginning, he didn’t want to show his feelings in public. His shyness is appealing: it makes me want to dote on him.
We sometimes encounter various kinds of homophobia, but it’s not like we’re tormented by it. “Milonov’s law” [on “gay propaganda”] hasn’t affected us much. We haven’t stopped holding hands when we walk down the street. Every last person in the neighborhood knows us.
Some gay couples would find our life strange. We would rather spend the night cuddling, watching TV, or talking about things than go dancing at the gay club. Of course we would like children, but not yet. I’m only twenty. Maybe in ten years.