I have a child now. I think about his future all the time. I worry about him, because right now, they’re discussing depriving gay people of their parental rights, not only for adopted children but also for their own biological children. I don’t think it’s possible that this law will be passed. On the one hand, I don’t want to stick my neck out because I don’t want to attract attention to myself. On the other hand, a public figure is probably safer than an unknown. To be perfectly honest, I don’t know what we’re supposed to do in this situation.
A version of this interview was originally published in Afisha magazine Issue 339 (February 25, 2013). It was updated by the author and reproduced here by permission of Afisha
NINA & KATYA
“We want to be Mama Katya, Mama Nina, Papa, and lots of kids.”
Nina, 33, a psychologist and television producer, and Katya, 30, a tax advisor, are both conventionally attractive, long-haired women. The way they talk, hold hands, and look at one another leaves no doubt about the nature of their relationship. They met two years ago under tragic circumstances. At the end of winter, they plan to wed. But in Argentina, where they’ll be traveling to get married, it will be the end of summer. Like many people in love, Katya and Nina dream of having children, but where, how many, and who they will have them with, they’ve yet to resolve.
NINA
We don’t have a romantic story about how we met. It was a tragedy that brought us together in the summer of 2011. A small boat crashed into a large barge on the Moscow River. Over half of the seventeen people on board died. Katya was among the survivors.
KATYA
I was lucky enough to be on the deck, far enough away from the propellers and from where the barge hit to survive. I was rescued. On shore, I met Nina.
NINA
I was with my friends who were related to some of the victims. At first, there was not the slightest thought of romance. I only wanted to support Katya, we’d just become friends. For the first two months, she was in shock, so our relationship was rocky and disjointed. Eventually, the going got smoother and I couldn’t even understand what was going on. Why did I want to see her all the time even though almost everything she said got a rise out of me? It was this mixed feeling.
KATYA
For me, the story with Nina began with a phone conversation that lasted four hours and eleven minutes, with our phones taking turns running out of batteries. This was a couple months after we met, in the autumn.
NINA
We hardly went on any regular dates. It was an automobile affair. We spent a lot of time in the car, driving around and talking. I was going through a lot of mood swings. One minute I was dark, the next bright, and in one of my sunny phases I sent her a text that said: “I want everything with you.” This is my first romantic relationship with a woman, and I really hope that it’s the one I stay in for the rest of my life. I had experimented with girls, but without any kind of romantic feelings. I needed time to figure things out with Katya, to understand what I felt and what I wanted. As soon as I figured things out, I told my husband everything, got my stuff, and moved out. When I met Katya, I was in my second marriage, and it was a messy break-up with lots of drama. I rented an apartment and was living there alone until Katya moved in with me.
KATYA
I was also in a relationship when we met. I had a girlfriend whom I had been living with for several years. But for me it was simpler. When I realized I was in love, it was clear: there was Nina and there could not be anyone else. In February 2012, we moved in together.
NINA
Right now, we’re getting ready for our wedding in Argentina in March. There aren’t that many countries where same-sex couples can get married. There’s the United States, Canada, Argentina, and I think Uruguay. As soon as we get married, we’re going to have children.
KATYA
We don’t know where or how. I would like to live at home, of course. Our parents are here, our friends, everything. But considering the level of idiocy going on here, it’s unclear whether we’ll be able to stay in Russia.
NINA
Right now, there’s a town where some parents are trying to take a woman’s children away because she’s a lesbian and lives with her partner. Considering all that, I don’t really want to have kids in Russia. We’re considering Nepal, Latin America, or the U.S.
KATYA
We don’t want to live in hiding, and it’s not just about what we want, it’s about what will be good for our kids. I don’t go around screaming about my sexual orientation. But my coworkers know, my boss and I are Facebook friends, so everything is out in the open. I work in a large international company. I haven’t had any open conflicts because of my lifestyle or faced any kinds of physical threat. But you could always add “yet” to the end of these statements. We’ll probably end up having to move to the evil empire of the United States but we don’t really want that.
NINA
In the end, our plan also depends on who the father will be because we would like the father to be a part of the child’s life. A father is a really important person for both boys and girls. A lot depends on him. Right now we have a few options in Russia and America. Katya and I have a pretty solid relationship, but I think we need a real father with whom we will find a harmonious co-existence. We want to be Mama Katya, Mama Nina, Papa, and lots of kids. At least two.
KATYA
Or at least two of each.
NINA
If we immigrate anywhere, it will probably be the States. I go there a lot and I really love New York. I speak English, so right now, it’s our leading alternative. The most important thing is to take our time, without any rush, impulsiveness, or thinking about what other people will think. This marriage is not just an official legal status; it’s important for me to feel like I’m doing everything by the books. Not in the sense of following someone else’s rules like in the Soviet Union, but in terms of living according to what I believe is right. I am 33, and I’ve done many things according to various rules, and now I only want to live by the rules that the two of us make. Katya’s opinion is very important to me; I have endless respect for her, even though we don’t always understand each other. She’s the most mysterious person in the world to me. Right from the start, I truly did not understand her, but I thought she was a completely amazing, magical being. And I still think that.
KATYA
Our relationship is very unusual. We think very differently, but we’ve come together kind of like a puzzle. I can’t even articulate what it is. It’s just that Nina is my family, my person. I don’t see a need to understand her. I feel her, and everything I need to understand, she’ll tell me.
ANYA & NATA
“Once we’d settled into our relationship, we decided to take up partner dancing.”