eyes. The heat of him standing so close to me, that damn intoxicating scent of his again and knowing now that he was off limits, was too painful to take.
And to think if I hadn’t opened the paper that day, I would still be wasting my time thinking that he could want someone like me.
*** It was the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. My friend Danny and I planned to meet at Starbucks in Copley Square for coffee after my diner shift, since I didn’t work with Lucas on that day. It was so nice to catch up with Danny who wanted to fill me in on his new boyfriend Paolo.
“Danny!” I shouted and I saw him waiting in line, rushing to join him amongst the crowd of people waiting for their drinks to be called out.
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He knew me so well. “I already ordered you your caramel macchiato,” he shouted through the sounds of foaming milk as he stood in the barista receiving area.
We took our drinks over to the velvet purple couch in the corner. We were lucky to get that coveted seat. Everyone knows the Starbucks couch is always inevitably taken by one person unnecessarily taking up all of the space with multiple newspapers, when two people are forced to take the small table with the hard uncomfortable seats.
“So, tell me about Paolo!” I crossed my legs and took a sip of the foamy drink as I anticipated his story. It tasted so good.
“He is awesome. Did I tell you he is a performer?” Danny was beaming.
“No…what kind of performer?” I laughed and slapped Danny playfully on the shoulder.
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Danny gave me an impish grin. “Well, let’s just say, by day he goes by Paolo…by night he is Paula.”
“He is a cross-dresser?”
“No, no, no…a drag queen. Big difference. He chooses to dress as a man in real-life, but performs as a woman…for other men. Believe me, he is all man,” Danny said winking.
I laughed. “Oh boy, I bet. That is too cool, though. Can we go see him…um… her on stage?
“Sure. We can take your billionaire blue-eyed boyfriend. You can finally test his sexuality once and for all,” he said jokingly.
“Very funny.” I pushed Danny’s shoulder in jest again.
I had filled him in on my Cedric crush last week over the phone, getting his thoughts on whether I should send Cedric another email under the vise of updating him on the new job.
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After fifteen minutes of gushing on the couch about our respective men, Danny had to run to get back his hairdressing job.
I decided to go back to the counter for one of those gigantic rice krispy treats.
When I turned around, of course, someone had taken the couch, so I made myself comfortable on one of the hard seats by the door. At least someone left me a free newspaper here.
I immediately admired a striking cover photo of a turkey taken by my friend Angela, who was a photographer for the paper.
The story was about a family that purchased a live Thanksgiving turkey originally intending to kill it and cook it on Thursday. Instead, their five-year-old daughter convinced her parents to save its life and keep it as a pet. The photo shows the turkey sitting at the dinner table with the family as the father stands under the table sticking his head through a hole, creating the illusion that his 189/727
head is on a plate. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the caption: ‘Eat Me.’
As I munched on my rice krispy treat, I immediately skipped to my favorite section of the paper, which was the local celebrity gossip column. Well…it was my favorite section. Not anymore. I wasn’t prepared for the shock of my life that I would encounter on its pages that day.
My heart pounded faster than I had ever experienced as I saw Cedric’s electric eyes staring back at me from the page.
A piece of my rice krispy treat fell out of my mouth and onto his face and I wiped it away.
He was dressed in a tux. On his arm, was an exquisite blonde with an up do, who seemed to be smirking. Cedric’s smile of course was beautiful and genuine. He looked happy. I immediately started to regurgitate the rice krispies I had eaten. And I am 190/727
embarrassed to say…I peed a little…just a drop. I lost control down there.
The caption under the picture read:
‘Boston television reporter Karyn Keller attended the Boston Symphony Orchestra’s ALS Fundraiser at the Boston Omni Parker Hotel Monday night on the arm of her long-time boyfriend and former most-eligible Boston bachelor candidate, hot shot J.D. Westock agent, Cedric Callahan.’
I must have read that caption fifty times in the hopes that maybe I read it wrong.
Long-time boyfriend
Boston bachelor
Karyn Keller
Karyn Keller
Karyn Keller
I HATED Karyn Keller. I hated Karyn Keller so much right now. But not more than 191/727
I hated Cedric. I hated him for making me feel that he wanted me, with just the stare of his eyes that night in the car. All along, he had a girlfriend…a gorgeous, famous one, at that. How could I have been so stupid to think that someone like him would want to date…me…a lowly waitress charity case?
I stayed frozen in my seat. I took the paper, folded it and placed it in my tote. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
The door at Starbucks continued to open and close before me as I sat in a haze for an undetermined amount of time. I felt the cold wind blow in every thirty seconds and wished that I were any one of the people walking in. I wanted to be anyone but myself right now.
I felt so much heartache for a man who never once considered me romantically.
Even if he had, for even a moment, the reality was that he was in a serious and public 192/727
relationship. No wonder he never actually asked me out that day in the car.
Stupid Allison…don’t you think he would have asked you out then and there if he were really interested?
It
all
made
sense
now.
The
email…that’s all it was…a damn message with a job lead. I had blown everything out of proportion. Cedric as I knew him was all in my head. The real Cedric Callahan wouldn’t give me the time of day. He took me for a ride all right. Fuck my life.
*** You need to be part of something larger than yourself, Gemini -- so if you need to find a spiritual community or a service or-ganization, now is the time. You should expect to get some inspiration soon.
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The days that followed after Cedric’s diner visit were a blur. I threw myself into my work and asked Bright Horizons if they could give me some more hours on the two afternoons I didn’t work with Lucas. I was on Wonder Woman duty Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I didn’t need to go home after the diner in the afternoon and sulk on the other days of the week. I needed to get my mind off the breakup of my imaginary boyfriend.
I was eventually told there was an opening working with an autistic woman named Calista two days a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This would fill my entire workweek and still leave the weekends free.
On the first Tuesday of December, snowflakes were flying and it was blistery as I headed out to my new assignment.
I knocked on the door of a small ranch style brick house in Boston’s Savin Hill neighborhood and the warmth of the heat 194/727
inside immediately sucked me in. I was greeted by a friendly woman with graying black hair that was tied back into a bun. She looked to be in her mid to late sixties, and was quite beautiful. This must be her mother.
“Hello…you must be Allison?” She smiled.
“Yes, hi…it’s great to meet you,” I said nervously, not knowing what to expect from my new client. Wonder Woman boy, I had down pat, but I had no idea what was in store for me here.
“My daughter is in her room playing on her iPad. I am afraid that’s all she likes to do with her free time. But it keeps her occupied and out of trouble. Let’s have you meet her and then we’ll talk about the routine here.” She smiled. She seemed like a sweet lady.