I hope this book can be educational for non-atheists in understanding who atheists are, where they come from, and what they want out of life. They may find that, in many ways, atheists are just like them. While I do not expect all who read this book to become atheists, I feel that if people better understood the perspective of atheists, it is likely that atheists’ standing in society would improve and that identifying as such could, for many, be understood as an intellectual, moral, social, or even spiritual victory for those who self-apply the label.
Most of the people documented here — from different religious backgrounds, races, sexual orientations, and genders — were quite religious at one point in their lives. Many recognize some positive aspects that religions can and do, in certain contexts, bring to the world. Many disagree about the best way to engage religious leaders and institutions. Most have been hugely influenced by online resources and a recent wave of atheistic books. Some did not want to be identified in this book for fear of professional or social backlash. Most view education, often specifically science education, as having been influential in their road to atheism. Most feel that religion has a privileged position in society and government. Many have gone through very emotional journeys in coming to a sustained, open atheistic worldview. All believe that we live in a world with no supernatural observance, that we’re on our own, and that we can and should work together as humans to create a more educated, more prosperous world. Through the internet, humanity is engaged in a global conversation unlike any before in history — about who we are, why we are here, and how we should live — and the subjects of this book have an important perspective to share. These are their stories.
I.
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Jon Adams: Unworthy Mormonism
“Dear Warden,
You were right.
Salvation lay within.”
Stereotypical Mormons are known for their impeccable manners and devotion to traditional Church values. Jon Adams possesses much of the former and very little of the latter. His dedication to principle is matched by his commitment to fairness and truth. After having his faith seemingly secured by religious experiences throughout his teenage years, his demand for evidence began his interest in science and a path toward secularism. He has an impressive knowledge of Mormon history — the timeline of Joseph Smith’s life, the Church’s long-held view that blacks were spiritually inferior to whites, the belief in the war for heaven. His criticisms of his religion are much-contemplated and factually-based.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints doesn’t generally produce bisexual Democrats. His evolution into an atheist, as he explains, was a liberating experience, allowing him to forgo years of cognitive dissonance. The pain he feels for his worldview shift is not for himself, but for his parents, who have been told by their church community that his atheism is a result of failed parental guidance. While he condemns the ignorance aimed at his family, he wouldn’t want his perspective to change: he finds his atheism to be enriching and empowering.
My mother was born in Utah, so she’s always been a member of the LDS Church. I think precisely because of that, she’s taken her faith somewhat for granted. She’s not very well-versed in Mormonism. I’m often correcting her about what her religion teaches and informing her of the practices of the Church. I think that’s just something that comes with being a part of this culture. Mormonism in Utah is less a system of beliefs and more a way of life. My dad, however, is a convert. He was raised in Germany, and in the late 70s, a couple of LDS missionaries spoke to him about the Church. He ended up converting.
His parents were against it. Consequently, there were some family issues, and at the age of 18, he moved to Utah to be with other Mormons. Probably because of this, his faith is more devout and more sincere than my mother’s. Even he’s not the most conservative Mormon though: he’s often skipping church to watch a football game. Overall, I don’t come from an incredibly conservative or devout Mormon family.
For me, I was most devout in my Mormon faith in middle school and high school. I was really fervent. I would drag my family to church on Sunday morning. I would teach what’s called family home evening lessons in Mormonism where, on Monday night, Mormon families get together and give lessons about the Church. They do faith-promoting activities and play games together.
I can trace one of the reasons why I believed in the Mormon faith back to one experience I had when I was having a particularly hard day. It was Thanksgiving, and I felt really ungrateful. I had had a family fight that day, and I was feeling lousy. I got on my knees, and I prayed the most sincerely I had ever prayed. I did what Joseph Smith did, which was pray aloud. According to Mormon teachings, when Joseph Smith first prayed aloud in the Sacred Grove at the age of 14, which is how old I was at this time, God the Father and Christ the Son appeared to him. That’s called the First Vision in Mormonism. In this moment of prayer, I asked God for forgiveness for my being ungrateful. I had a very powerful spiritual confirmation wash over me. I felt comforted by some other being. Being raised in a Mormon culture and a Mormon family, I interpreted this experience through the lens of my faith. It strengthened my testimony for years to come.
As I grew older, though, I began to be skeptical. My moments of doubt often coincided with my periods of greatest religiosity. I’d oscillate between the brink of agnosticism and complete faithfulness. If I had some spiritual experience — for example, an emotional moment brought on by praying to God about certain doubts and concerns — I’d be even more devout. It often felt as though I had two different worldviews existing simultaneously.
The most formative spiritual experience that I ever had occurred when I was in high school. I was either 16 or 17. There is a guest bedroom in the basement of my house, and I would often go down there. I liked the seclusion of the basement, and there I would spend a lot of time praying, studying the Scriptures, and listening to Christian music. Every night before I went to bed, I would pray out loud for 20-25 minutes. One night I was lying in bed, and I was about to go to sleep. As I was falling asleep, I felt my body become paralyzed. At the same time a dark, ominous spirit came over me. I felt as though the devil or some demon was in the room hovering above me. I had this incredible sensation of my soul leaving my body. I became combative with this spirit, this demon. I said, “In the name of Christ, be gone!” Then, the spirit left the room. That experience happened on three different occasions. I took each of them to be very strong affirmations of my faith.
These experiences were particularly important for me as a Mormon because there were many shades of Joseph Smith in them. Joseph Smith, in his First Vision, the founding event of Mormonism, reported feeling paralyzed. The powers of doubt surrounded him, and he felt like he was on the brink of destruction. Then, God, at the last second before he was destroyed, would come in and intervene. My experience was incredibly similar to his.