There’s one story that I must share. My school has a week every year called “Diversity Week,” and during this week, there are assemblies run by students who manage the whole thing. During the time of the prayer banner controversy, the mayor came. He’s Chinese-American. He gave a talk about minorities and how they’re often discriminated against. He talked about how even though he is a minority, he has been able to be successful. It was a nice little talk. At the end, there was a question and answer session. One student got the mic and asked, “Mayor Fung, how do you feel about the prayer in our school?” When I heard the question, I was a little bit nervous and surprised that the question had even been asked. He pointed to the prayer banner and said, “I want to see the prayer stay exactly where it is!” He was very dramatic and passionate as he pointed to it. Everyone in the auditorium jumped up and started cheering and clapping and moving and screaming. I wanted to run out of the room and cry because it seemed like I was the only person sitting down who didn’t like what he had said. People started looking at me, and I felt like such a freak. It was awful. The mayor didn’t seem to care that I was quite possibly in the room; he didn’t seem to have any concern for how I felt. It was also hurtful that none of the teachers came over to see if I was okay. Everyone seemed so happy that the mayor was on their side. I also found it very ironic that he was there talking about the discrimination of minorities, while saying that he thinks that the discriminatory prayer banner should stay in the school, hurting the feelings of atheists and other non-Christians who felt like they didn’t belong. I think the incident actually ended up making me a bit stronger, a bit tougher.
There were other difficult occurrences that related to the prayer banner, too. On Facebook, students from my school began adding me as their friend just so that they could harass me. At one point, I posted a video about how our nation’s history is secular and how elements of today’s government discriminate against atheists and other people who don’t believe in a traditional Christian God. One kid started freaking out; he posted a bunch of material, including an Edward Currant video. Edward Currant satirically portrays a Christian. I asked, “Do you realize that Edward Currant is sarcastic? He’s actually an atheist.” That sparked an enormous argument of 200 or 300 comments in which this person and a bunch of his friends were calling me the worst names I’ve ever been called in my life. They were saying that no one wants me in the school and that I should just leave. He said that if I knew what his opinion of me was, I would kill myself. The next day the same kid said that other people who hadn’t commented but had viewed the whole thread had told him that he had done a great job.
Overall, this whole ordeal has changed me. Before this, I never would have considered myself an activist, someone who would speak up about these subjects. I have always been terrified of public speaking: I almost puked when I had to give a presentation to 20 members of my third grade class about the state of Georgia. This, obviously, has been a bit more intense.
There’s a huge difference in who I was a couple years ago and who I am now. I feel better. I feel like I have a lot more real friends. I feel much more comfortable speaking out and being open about my atheism. I think it’s paying off. I remember feeling entirely hopeless and alone after the first meeting. I found out that there’s a whole community of atheists and that there’s a movement. The people who rallied behind me have been amazing. The fact that I knew that I was speaking up not only for myself but for other people as well changed everything. That made it worth fighting.
Even though I’ve gone through some hardships, I don’t think I’m getting colder. I know I’m still the same person that I have always been. I just understand more now. I would never go back to being religious. When I was younger, I remember feeling confused every time I thought about the universe or God. Everything’s much clearer now. I have more confidence. For the first time, I can say that I don’t care about what other people think and genuinely mean it. I don’t intentionally avoid situations where I will be surrounded by people who disagree with me. I have plenty of friends, lots of support, and I know what I’m doing is right. That makes it all much easier.
Note: Since Jessica’s interview for this book, a federal judge ruled the prayer banner in Cranston High School West to be unconstitutional.
III.
______________
Michael Amini — Michael’s Story
“Keep on working now, child.”
At age 19, Michael Amini was standing on a highway overpass, seconds away from suicide. He thought about jumping onto an oncoming semi, planning to be splattered on its windshield like a nighttime summer bug. And why not? As a teenager, he had just lost his faith, his girlfriend, his community, and the trust of his family. He was an ex-Mormon with no rudder. Then, B.B. King and Ray Charles’s “Sinner’s Prayer” played on his iPod. He listened to its lyrics and mustered the courage to carry on.
Michael’s story, the original inspiration for this book, is a fascinating tale of a very detailed and very personal religious journey. In the end, it was his insatiable curiosity to find the truth that led him out of his faith and toward a life without religion. His new worldview, perhaps most importantly, has enhanced his empathy, allowing him to both better understand religion and view the status of his relationship with his family without bitterness. This is Michael’s story.
Having just returned from a mission for the Mormon Church in Dusseldorf and Frankfurt, Germany, my father was encouraged to find a girl to marry. He wasn’t quite 21, but returning missionaries are commonly taught to seek “their next and last companion.” My grandmother, who worked at an elementary school at the time, brought home a faculty picture and laid it in front of my dad, telling him that she would set him up on a blind date with the girl of his choosing. He looked at the photo, thought for a moment, and put his finger down on a 25-year-old blonde teacher from Spokane, Washington. They were engaged two weeks later.
I was born in Salt Lake City, and my family moved to Spokane not long after. We were a highly active and firmly-believing Mormon family, with the faith an integral part of our lives. We would go to church every Sunday and attend extra meetings throughout the week. Most of our friends and associates were people we met there.
I took my faith seriously from a young age and was excited by the fact that I had the whole of divine truth at my back and a mission before me. Always curious and inquisitive, I took apart anything that I could to see its workings. I could hardly satisfy my desire to learn. My parents encouraged and praised my inquisitive nature and made huge sacrifices to put me in the best and most challenging schools and courses to help me grow — at one point, they even took on some janitorial duties at the private elementary school that I attended in order to offset the cost of tuition. I’ll be forever grateful for that.