Every prospect was gloomy. She could almost sense Minis’s despair. She was the last hope of his people and she was going to let him down. I’ve done my best, beloved, she thought. What more could I do? It did not help.
The child rose, stirred the pot with the knife and scooped out a mugful of stew. Haani ate listlessly, unaware of what she was eating.
There was a cold hollow in Tiaan’s belly but she felt too depressed to eat. What kind of life would it be for the child, travelling month after month, having no home, never able to make friends with other children? And at the end, if they did reach Tirthrax, living in a cave in the mountains while Tiaan worked day and night to find her lover?
What on earth was she thinking? Of course she must take the child with her. She had to look after Haani until she had grown up. It was a sacred duty. But what about my life? Tiaan agonised. What about my lover?
Haani was still staring into the fire. There were bright red patches on each cheek, as if she had a fever. She had laid the mug aside and was rocking gently, her arms wrapped around herself.
Tiaan felt ashamed. The child had seen her mother and aunts brutally slain, her home debauched. The memories would never leave her. And all she, Tiaan, could think of was how her own life would be disrupted. How selfish she was.
Tears hovered on Haani’s lashes. Tiaan moved down to her. The child tried to draw away but Tiaan put her arms around her and lifted Haani into her lap. Haani struggled but Tiaan held her more tightly and eventually the child began to weep.
Tiaan held her for an hour or more. Eventually Haani’s head fell to one side; she was asleep. Putting her in the tent, in the fur-lined sleeping pouch, Tiaan went back to the fire.
She was afraid to sleep. Sleep led to dreams and she knew what she was going to dream about. Stamping her feet to warm them, Tiaan took half a mug of stew and found her thoughts wandering back to Minis. She felt a great flood of longing. She had to know if he was all right.
Taking out her devices she set them up and began to work the beads. Nothing happened. It was as if Minis had never existed. Wrenching the helm off, she tossed it on the ground. She had failed him. The Aachim must be dead.
The amplimet looked dead too. It was cold, hardly glowing at all, and the little spark had disappeared. Useless thing! She gave the globe an angry kick, sending it rolling towards the fire. At the ice houses she might have escaped, had she tried a bit harder, but now it was too late. She could never go home. Yet if she no longer had her quest, she had nothing at all.
Tiaan paced around the fire. A walking disaster, she had caused the death of practically everyone she’d touched, starting with poor old Joeyn. She itemised them, human and lyrinx. All completely pointless. Better she drop the amplimet through a hole in the ice, and throw herself after it.
She had just taken off her boots to warm her feet at the fire when there came a cry from the tent. Tiaan was there in three bounds.
‘Mumu!’ Haani screamed. ‘Mumu, im sklarrrr!’
‘It’s all right, Haani,’ Tiaan said. ‘I’m here now.’
The child retreated to the back of the tiny tent, holding her hands out. ‘Mumu! Mumu!’
Tiaan tried to take the child in her arms. ‘Haani, you’re just having a bad dream. I’m here now.’
‘Nya!’ screamed the child, beating her off. ‘Mumu nya!’
An elbow went into Tiaan’s eye and she lost hold of the thrashing child. By the time she’d recovered, Haani was gone.
‘Haani? Where are you?’
No answer. She could hear nothing but the wind in the treetops. Pulling a burning stick from the fire, Tiaan held it up. The flame went out. ‘Haani?’ she shouted, and running around the fire tripped on the globe. The amplimet was glowing now, though faintly. Holding it out, she followed the child’s footprints in her socks. There was no time to put her boots on. It was snowing and if she lost Haani’s tracks, the child would die.
The snow had a crust and in places there were no tracks at all. A dense overcast did not hint at moon or stars. Within minutes the night had swallowed up the firelight. Tiaan was no longer sure she could find her way back. She tramped harder, making sure she left tracks.
‘Haani?’
No reply. How had the child gone so far, so quickly? Tiaan stopped within a windswept clearing. The stunted pines hardly broke the wind at all. The snow was packed hard. There were no footprints.
A blast blew through her unfastened coat. Pulling it tight, Tiaan looked around frantically. No sign; no sound. She held the amplimet up in fingers that were numb, and called more light from it. It waxed then waned, as if it was dying.
Hobbling across the clearing, she checked the patches of snow on the other side. No sign. She did a complete circle, came on her own marks, and despair crept like ice into her bones.
Backtracking, she found a single small print pointing left, before the clearing. It was under a tree. The child liked to climb trees. She looked up. ‘Haani?’
‘Haani,’ she roared with all her might. All she heard was the whistling wind.
The light was dimming and Tiaan could not coax more from the crystal. She could hardly hold it, it was growing so cold. As she opened her mouth to yell, the cry of a wildcat came on the wind.
Haani screamed, to her left. Tiaan ran that way, her numb feet thudding the ground. Not far on, she stumbled on a bloody print, and another. Tiaan hoped it was just a cut foot. As she burst into another clearing, Haani was frantically trying to climb a tree. She kept slipping down the icy trunk.
Tiaan trod on a branch, which snapped loudly. Haani screamed and ran into the dark. Tiaan pounded after her. ‘Haani, stop! It’s me, Tiaan!’
Again came that wildcat cry. Haani shrieked, just ahead, and when Tiaan ran into the clearing the child came racing back the other way, looking over her shoulder, and crashed into her. Tiaan threw her arms around Haani, who screamed and screamed.
Squeezing her hard, Tiaan yelled, ‘Haani, you’re safe now!’
Haani went rigid, stayed that way for a minute then began to weep in great wracking sobs. Tiaan lifted her up. The child clung to her desperately. The foot injury was minor, though she was at risk of frostbite. Tiaan put Haani’s feet in the pockets of her coat, wishing she could do the same for her own.
It was snowing hard now, the amplimet practically dead. Before she had gone far Tiaan lost her own tracks. She had no idea which way to go.
FIFTY-ONE
A week went by while Nish sat around in Tiksi, until he was completely fed up with idleness and his own company. Irisis and every other able-bodied person, apart from Ullii, had gone back to the manufactory days ago. Having heard nothing about his fate, he lived in fear of it. Fyn-Mah had given him access to her files on lyrinx flesh-forming. Nish read until his eyes ached, but found it difficult to concentrate.
Eight days after their arrival he was called to the master’s mansion and ushered into the same chamber. Xervish Flydd lay back in the chair with his eyes closed, sucking on his beard.
‘Good morning, scrutator!’ said Nish politely.
The scrutator gave no reply. He simply ignored Nish. Nish cleared his throat several times, shuffled his feet and tapped on the table, wondering if the scrutator was asleep. He did not think so. Eventually Nish took a piece of paper out of his pocket and began sketching on it, considerations for improving the clanker javelards. He worked on that for an hour before the man sat up suddenly.
‘I’ve been thinking to put you in the front-line, Cryl-Nish!’