‘Let’s eat,’ said Nish, for it was well into the afternoon. ‘Then I suggest we head up after Tiaan. What do you think, Ullii?’ He did not expect much, but there was a mountainload on his shoulders and no one to help him carry it.
‘I don’t think anything.’
Nish sighed. The next few months, until they got back to the manufactory, were going to be harder than he had ever imagined. If they got back at all. He checked Ullii’s pack, filled his purse with the scrutator’s gold that would be needed for the return journey, and settled the sword on his hip. Lifting Ullii’s pack on, he made sure the layers of padding under the straps were spread smoothly. They set off.
After about a hundred paces Ullii said, ‘It hurts!’ and threw the pack on the ground. By the time he’d fixed the straps the sun was low. Clearly they were going nowhere today.
Nish began to fret. Things were very different on foot. They had to find Tiaan quickly, for they could only carry so much food, and most was on his back. What was she doing here anyway? Presumably the lyrinx had brought her here because it was a place of great power. How could he possibly get her away from them? This mission was going to be a bigger failure than the last, he thought gloomily, and they would end up in a lyrinx’s belly.
They camped among the rocks. Ullii, never comfortable out of doors, flung off the coat as soon as they stopped. The jerkin, blouse and spider-silk undershirt followed it. She rubbed at the red marks on her shoulders and the small of her back where the pack had chafed her, though she had only been carrying it for a few minutes.
Nish squatted by the tent roll, pegs in hand. He’d only ever seen her unclothed in a darkened room. Her figure was quite lovely. He could not take his eyes off her. He desired her more than he had wanted anyone in his life.
It was getting dark. He made a fire with bits of twisted shrub, since there were no trees this high. It would not last long, but hopefully long enough to cook their dinner. There was much to do and he had to do it by himself. But at least it kept the other thoughts at bay.
The flames leapt up. Ullii was sitting on a rock, staring at him, or through him into eternity – he could not tell. He wished she would put her shirt back on. The sight of her breasts, the nipples all puckered up with the cold … In suppressing the desire, Nish felt an overwhelming flood of anger at himself, and their predicament, and at her too.
‘Are you going to sit there all night?’ he said irritably. ‘Do I have to do everything for you?’
Ullii reacted as if he had slapped her across the face. Her eyes screwed shut; then she cried out, hunching over and covering her face with her arms. She began rocking back and forth, mewling.
‘Oh, Ullii, I’m sorry,’ he whispered, careful not to alarm her further. After all, she had not asked to come. At his every step she twitched, much as he had done when the whip had been laid across his back months ago.
She hid her face. ‘Don’t beat me!’ she said in the monotone of one who expects to be ignored.
‘Of course I’m not going to beat you, Ullii. Have I ever hurt you?’
She did not answer. He rubbed one hand through his hair and slipped it under her nose. She went still as his forearm touched hers. Neither moved. Ullii gave a gentle sniff. Parting her forearms, she sniffed deeply. She sighed and he could feel the tension flowing out of her.
‘I’m so afraid, Nish.’ She spoke so softly he could barely hear her.
‘Of me?’
‘Not you.’ Her hands pulled his palm against her nose.
‘Then what?’
‘I can see horrible things.’
‘Is Tiaan one of them?’
‘Tiaan is nice. I like her. But in the mountain … It’s too much, Nish. Everything is so bright, I can’t even see her crystal. There’s some great …’
‘Magic?’
‘Some great magic there. It’s not made yet, but already it’s blinding me. It’s awful. It’s going to eat us, Nish.’
‘Is it lyrinx?’
‘I can’t tell. There’s too much light. Everywhere I look it’s as bright as the sun. It hurts my mind. I can’t shut it out.’
‘Can you see anything else?’
She turned around, facing west. ‘Nothing.’ She rotated south and east, the way they had come. ‘Nothing!’ Ullii kept turning, and as she turned due east she cried, ‘Clawers!’ pointing up along the line of the mountains.
‘What, flying? Or in the mountains?’
‘I don’t know. The Art is too strong.’
‘Surely they are flying,’ said Nish, ‘otherwise they would not need to use the Art.’
She turned east–south-east, screamed and doubled over, protecting her face again. ‘No!’ She let out an ungodly shriek and began to rock furiously. The shriek came echoing back at them.
‘Ullii? What is it?’
It took ages to coax her back this time. ‘It … it’s a black knot in my lattice. There’s a pattern, a beautiful pattern, but I know if I tried to unravel it there’s a monster hiding inside. Waiting to get me. It hates us.’
‘Is it lyrinx?’
‘No. It hates clawers too. It’s a creeping, poisonous thing.’ Her eyes sprang open. He saw himself reflected in them. ‘It’s hunting Tiaan!’
‘Perhaps it’s hunting her for the lyrinx.’
‘No!’ she shuddered and began rubbing her shoulder. The delicate skin was raised in red welts.
Nish went to his pack, found a flask of cooking oil and sat down beside her, lubricating his fingers. He slid his fingertips across the welts.
She stiffened, but the tension went out of her when his fingers slipped across the skin. ‘That feels … nice.’ Ullii slid off her perch onto the ground in front of him.
He worked the oil back and forth, ever so gently. The evening was cold but it did not seem to bother her. Finally, when all the marks were done, he let his hand slip away. He ached for her but was afraid to do anything.
‘Don’t stop!’ she whispered. ‘Oh, Nish, no one has ever touched me so gently. All my life people have hurt me. No one ever touched me but to cause me pain. Everyone wants to use me, except you. You are the kindest man in the world, Nish.’
If only you knew! Pouring oil into his palm, he smoothed it across her shoulders and down her back. Ullii sighed, and as he worked his fingers back and forth she began to talk about herself, as she had never done before.
‘All my life I’ve wanted to be like other people. You can’t imagine what it’s like to grow up and never be touched, because you can’t bear it. My brothers and sisters used to hug each other. My mother and father too. I wanted it so badly, but the feel of their clothes made me scream. My clothes did too. I screamed all the time and no one knew why.’
‘Was it always like that?’ He shaped her sides with his palms.
‘It got really bad when I was two. After I lost my twin.’
‘You had a twin sister?’
‘No, I had a brother. I think he died. No one would ever tell me. I still miss him.’ She gave a great shudder. ‘Before that I don’t remember. People have hard skin; their hands hurt me.’
He pulled up his sleeve, touching her with the soft skin on the inside of his arm.
She drew it across her cheek, wonderingly. ‘You feel nice, Nish.’
‘If I took my shirt off,’ he said experimentally, ‘you would see that underneath I have soft skin, just like yours.’
She did not respond, so he unfastened his shirt, laid it aside and pressed his chest against her back, very carefully. His fingers slid up to her ears.
She jerked away. ‘Don’t touch my ears,’ she said sharply.
He pulled away, deflated.
She turned to see what the matter was. ‘It makes a noise in my head like thunder, Nish.’ She put his hands back on her shoulders.
He resumed, shortly feeling bold enough to run his fingers down her throat and onto her chest. When she did not react, he slid them all the way to the swell of her breast, and away again. She sighed and rubbed her cheek against his upper arm.