“Gentlemen, my name is Max Smart. I have been sent here by Control to liberate you from the clutches of that diabolical monster, I. M. Noman.”
A voice replied. “Yeaaaa! Noman! Booooo! Smart!”
“I think you will change your minds,” Max went on, “when you learn that I have in my possession a Dooms Day Plan. As long as I keep the Plan, the world, as we know it, is safe. But — if the Plan falls into the hands of Noman, I think we can expect a pretty messy world in the near future. Consequently, I call upon you to-”
Max had lost his audience. The program was on again, and the men had turned back to it.
Max sighed. “I guess I’ll have to wait for the station break,” he said.
But at that moment Noman appeared at the bars of the cell.
“Smart!” he called. “Hand the Plan through the bars to me!”
“Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin,” Max replied.
“Smart, the cord to the television set is plugged in outside the cell. Hand me the Plan or I’ll unplug it. And when the set goes dead, these prisoners will go stark raving mad and destroy everything and everyone within reach. It’ll be a cruel way to go, Smart.”
“The key word is ‘everything,’ Noman. They’ll also destroy the Plan.”
Noman winced. “You have a point there. They’d be mad as wet hens back at Headquarters.” He sighed. “I’ll just have to come in and get it.”
“This is our chance,” Max said to Peaches. “When he opens the cell door, we’ll rush him.”
But Noman first pulled out a pistol, then opened the cell door.
“Scratch that,” Max said to Peaches. “We’ll have to play it by ear.”
Just then the program ended, and the between programs commercial came on. Noman took advantage of the situation.
“Prisoners,” he said. “You have an enemy in your midst.”
The men turned toward Max and Peaches, showing their teeth.
“That piece of paper that Smart is holding,” Noman said. “It’s next week’s program schedule. Get it!”
The men rushed at Max.
But Max wadded the Plan into a ball and tossed it across the room to Peaches. “Run!”
Peaches caught the ball-but found herself hemmed in by another group of men. She tossed it to Max.
Max caught it, and started to throw it back. But just then he was struck on the arm by one of the men.
“Foul!” Max cried.
The men stood back, looking sheepish.
“That’s a free-throw for me,” Max said. “Everybody keep away!”
The men waited, tense and eager. And Max lobbed the ball to Peaches.
As she caught it, the men came to life and rushed at her once more.
Peaches tossed the ball high into the air-toward Max. But, as the ball rose toward the ceiling, the trap door above opened, and a hand reached down and snatched the ball from the air.
“Interference!” Noman shrieked.
“What happened?” Peaches asked, perplexed.
“I think the referee got into the game,” Max said.
Noman whipped around and raced from the cell, leaving the door open.
“After him!” Max cried.
Max and Peaches ran from the cell, and saw Noman disappearing up a stairway.
At the same time, the men in the cell cried out to Max and Peaches. “Stop! Wait! Lock the door!”
Max and Peaches halted.
“Lock the door?” Max said.
“We might escape!” one of the men explained fearfully.
“Oh… yes.” Max walked back to the cell and locked it. “There you are-snug in your spell in the cell.”
“We’ll never forget you for this,” the men said. “If you ever have a TV program, we promise to watch you.”
“That’s hardly likely,” Max said. He turned back to Peaches. “Onward and upward!” he cried.
They raced up the stairs. And just as they reached the top they saw Noman again. He went charging through the doorway. As he did, however, a foot was stuck in his path, and he fell flat on his face and skidded across the floor.
Max and Peaches reached the doorway just in time to see Noman plummet through the trap door.
“Happy landing!” Max called out.
They went to the trap door and looked down. Noman was in the locked cell, shaking a fist up at them.
Max shook a fist back at him.
“Why are you doing that?” Peaches asked.
“Good manners are never out of fashion,” Max replied. “When someone shakes a fist at you, politeness requires that you shake a fist back at him.” He closed the trap door. “That, I suspect, is the end of Noman,” he said.
“I hope so. But, Max, where is the Plan?”
Max looked around the room. It was vacant. “Look for a foot,” he said.
“A foot?”
“The foot that tripped Noman. Attached to that foot, I think, we will find our benefactor-whoever it was who snatched the Plan out of the air.”
“I wouldn’t even know where to look,” Peaches said.
“Logic will reveal the answer,” Max replied. “Now, logically, where would you expect to find a foot? In a shoe-right? And where would you expect to find a shoe?”
“On a foot?”
“Technically, yes. But I don’t think that kind of reasoning will get us anywhere. Where else would you expect to find a shoe? The answer, obviously, is: in a shoe store.”
“Max, you’re mad.”
“May I remind you that there is only a thin line between madness and genius. Now,” he said, glancing around, “let’s look for a thin line.”
“How about this crack in the floor?”
“That’s it!” Max said.
They followed the crack in the floor, which led to the doorway, which led outside.
Max looked up and down the street. “There it is,” he said, pointing. “The Happy Feet Shoe Store.”
They went to the store and entered. There was no one in sight.
“The Plan is lost,” Peaches said. “That must have been another KAOS agent who took it.”
“Let’s not give up yet,” Max said. “Not while we still have logic on our side. Now, where, in a shoe store, would a shoe be? In a shoe box, right?”
“I want to go home,” Peaches moaned.
Max walked to the shelves of shoe boxes. “Do you have any idea what size shoe that was that tripped up Noman?” he said.
“12-C?”
“No, I think it was closer to a size… Ah, here it is,” Max said. “A size 44.”
Max pulled the shoe box from the shelf-and the face of Agent 44 appeared in the opening.
“Here’s the Plan, Max,” 44 said, pushing the paper out through the opening.
“Thank you, 44.”
“See you around, Max.”
“Duck,” Max replied.
44 ducked. And Max pushed the shoe box back into the hole.
Max turned to Peaches. “Simple logic,” he said.
“Can we leave now?” Peaches said. “Even if Noman is locked in that cell, I’m frightened. Maybe he has another key. He may be looking for us right now.”
“I doubt that,” Max said. “I have a feeling that we’ve seen the last of Noman. Besides, I think I better report in to the Chief. As I told you, he worries.”
“All right. But hurry!”
Max took off his shoe, and dialed.
Chief: Chief, here. Who’s calling?
Max: This is Max, Chief.
Chief: Max who?
Max: Max Smart, Chief. Remember me? The one you worry about if I don’t call in every once in a while.
Chief: Oh, yes, that Max. Well, where are you, Max-New York, Moscow or Peking?
Max: Actually, Chief, we’re in a little town outside Washington. We’ve had a number of setbacks.
Chief: Max-the Plan. Do you still have the Plan?
Max: At the moment, yes. And, Chief, I have also found a number of the agents we’ve lost over the past few years. They’re here in this little town. They’re watching television.
Chief: Max, we must have a bad connection. I thought you said they’re watching television.
Max: It isn’t the connection, Chief. That’s exactly what I said.
Chief: Max, that’s hard to believe.
Max: Would you believe that they’re watching radio?
Chief: I don’t believe so.