Max: Then would you believe that they’re watching the third window from the left on the second floor of the building next door, waiting for the shade to go up?
Chief: That sounds more like it. Tell them as soon as that shade goes up I want them to get right back here, Max. If they’re back by noon tomorrow, they can keep their retirement benefits.
Max: I know a taxi driver who will be happy to hear that, Chief.
Chief: Max, have you deciphered the code yet?
Max: There’s still some debate about that, Chief. But, if you have an agent stationed in the Astor hotel, you might ask him to check the rooms. If he finds a gangster playing baseball with a Trojan horse to the tune of ‘Over the Waves,’ then, yes, I think we’ve broken the code.
Chief: I’ll check it out, Max. But, in the meantime, keep trying.
Max: Will do.
Max hung up and put his shoe back on his foot.
“Now can we go?” Peaches said nervously.
“Just one little matter to take care of,” Max said. “I have some good news for those missing Control agents. They may not lose their retirement benefits.”
Peaches sagged. “I’ll wait in the car,” she said.
They left the shoe store and walked to the car. Max left Peaches there, then entered the courthouse.
He returned a few minutes later.
“Did you tell them?” Peaches asked.
Max nodded sadly. “Yes.”
“What did they say?”
“They said, ‘TV, si-Retirement Benefits, no.’ ”
“That’s too bad,” Peaches said.
“Yes, and that’s not all. Noman is no longer in the cell.”
“He escaped! I knew it!”
“However, little good it will do him,” Max said. “We have the Plan, and we’re on our way to New York. And, in this car, there’s no way he can stop us. We’re not likely to fall for that trooper gag again.”
“He’ll think of something else!”
“I will not stop this car again for anything,” Max said, getting in behind the wheel.
“Suppose we run out of gas?”
“I’ll peddle!”
Max started the engine and headed the car toward the highway. “While I drive, you work on the code,” he said, handing the Plan to Peaches.
She handed it back. “I’ve lost interest,” she said. “Why bother? We’re doomed, anyway. With Noman after us, we don’t have a chance.”
“There’s one thing you seem to forget,” Max said. “You are in the care of Control’s top agent-Max Smart.”
“Forget? That’s what makes me sure we’re doomed!” A tear trickled down her cheek. “My whole life has been wasted,” she wept.
“I don’t see how you can say that-you’ve known me.”
“Business, business, business,” Peaches sobbed. “All my life, I’ve kept my nose to the grindstone. And what’s it got me?”
“A short nose?”
“Nothing. Nothing but money and fame.”
“Fame?”
“In the world of cryptographers.”
“Oh.”
“I’ve missed out on the best part of life-romance,” Peaches wept.
“Actually, that’s not the best part,” Max said. “The best part is that instant when you get the shower adjusted exactly right and the water stops scalding you.”
“A waste!” Peaches wailed. “My whole life has been a waste!”
Max stopped the car.
“I thought you weren’t going to stop the car for anything.”
“This is an emergency,” Max replied. “Emergencies don’t count.”
“But why did you stop?”
“Somebody has to try to break that code,” Max said. “Since you won’t do it, I’ll have to. But I can’t break codes and drive, too. So, you’ll have to do the driving.”
“Oh, all right.”
Peaches got behind the wheel, and Max settled in the passenger’s seat. Then they started up again.
Max concentrated his attention on the Plan. “Let’s see… ‘Astor’. Now, the Astors have money-they must have, if they own a hotel. And ‘Mays’. Willie Mays, as I recall, is a highly-paid ball player. There we have ‘money’ again. Now-”
“Max, make a list for me, will you, please,” Peaches said.
“A list?”
“A list of all the romantic things I intend to do if I get out of this alive.”
“I’m busy with the code.”
“Just a little list. You can do both. I don’t want to forget any of these things.”
“Couldn’t you make a mental list?”
“The old me could have,” Peaches said. “But not the new me. The new me is an empty-headed blonde.”
Max got a sheet of notepaper from his notebook. “All right, but keep the list short,” he said.
“I’ll try. Put down: Fly to Rome, drop three coins in the fountain.”
“Got it,” Max said. “Now then, the code. We have Astor money, and Mays money. Oops! I forgot ‘Sad Al. Al, of course, is Al Capone-who was jailed for not paying income tax. And income tax suggests money.”
“Put down: Cruise to Bermuda,” Peaches said.
“Got it.” Max replied, shifting papers. “Okay now, where was I? Oh, yes. Three hotels in the fountain. Is that right?”
“We’re coming to the highway,” Peaches said.
“Fine. When we reach it, head for New York.”
“Put down: Dinner by candlelight.”
“Got it.”
“How are you doing on the code, Max?”
“So far, I have Al Capone taking a shower in a fountain.”
“How did you get that?”
“I’m not sure,” Max replied. “But what really puzzles me is that he’s doing it on a cruise to Bermuda. Are there many fountains on board ships these days?”
“I don’t know. But it sounds romantic,” Peaches giggled.
“Ah, well, let’s see,” Max said, concentrating on the Plan again. “Willie Mays by candlelight. No, that’s not right. What’s my next word? Oh, yes… Bronco Con. Con suggests a confidence game, which is usually played for money. And Bronco suggests horse. Horses are usually found at race tracks. And race tracks are where you bet money. So, we have money again.”
“Put down: Soft music.”
“Got it.”
“This highway seems familiar,” Peaches said.
“All highways seem familiar,” Max replied. “They’re all the same, a long stretch of concrete.”
“That must be it.”
“Al Capone betting his income tax money on a horse at the race track,” Max mused. “The name of the horse is ‘Cruise to Bermuda.’ And the name of the jockey is ‘Dinner by Candlelight.’ Then the name of the race track must be-”
“Washington, D. C.,” Peaches said.
“No, I don’t have that name on my list.”
“I meant that sign,” Peaches said, pointing.
Max looked. He saw a highway sign saying: Washington, D. C.
“We’re right back where we started from,” Peaches said.
“I told you to head for New York!”
“But you didn’t say which way New York was. How was I supposed to know? I’m an empty-headed blonde.”
“Well, we’re here now,” Max said disgustedly. “Drive into town and find the train station and we’ll take a train to New York. If you tried to drive us there, we’d probably end up in Moscow.”
“Or Peking,” Peaches giggled.
“Right.”
“Put down: Trip to Chinatown,” Peaches said.
“Got it.”
“Have you broken the code yet, Max?”
“I’m getting close,” Max replied. “I have Al Capone betting a fountain on a horse named ‘Candlelight in Bermuda.’ The horse is being ridden by a jockey named ‘Chinatown,’ who is taking a shower to Rome, where he intends to drop three coins in the soft music. How does that sound to you?”
Perfect!” Peaches said. “But then, I’m an empty-headed blonde.”
“I wish I were,” Max said. “As a level-headed brunette, it doesn’t make much sense to me.”
7
When Max and Peaches reached the train station, they parked the car, then went inside. The station was crowded. A red cap rushed up to them.
“Carry your bags, sir?” he said to Max.
“We don’t have any bags,” Max replied.
“Carry your Dooms Day Plan, then?”
“Why, yes,” Max said. He started to hand the Plan to the red cap-then stopped. “Oh, no you don’t! You’re-”