The driver shook his head. “You got to make a lot of compromises with the Establishment when you’re in the cab driving business,” he said.
“Fine. Now, these are multiple-choice questions. Take your time, think the questions through thoroughly, then give me your answers. Ready?”
“Shoot.”
“All right. Here is question number one: You are a secret agent. You and another secret agent have been captured by the bad guys. The other secret agent has been hung up by his thumbs. The bad guys will release the other secret agent only on the condition that you reveal the whereabouts of your organization’s headquarters. You would do which of the following? Reveal the whereabouts of your organization’s headquarters? Let your friend hang by his thumbs? Engage the bad guys in a game of poker and win their firearms from them? Or send in your resignation as a secret agent?”
The driver thought for a moment, then said, “How good a friend is this friend of mine who’s hanging by his thumbs?”
“A very good friend.”
“Is he, maybe, the kind of guy who likes to hang by his thumbs?”
“That’s irrelevant.”
“Not the way I see it,” the driver said. “If he likes to hang by his thumbs, maybe I’d be doing him a favor to let him hang.”
“That’s rather preposterous, driver.”
“I don’t know. Driving a cab, you meet some strange guys. It wouldn’t surprise me to meet some guy that likes to hang by his thumbs.”
“All right. Let’s assume that your friend does not like to hang by his thumbs. Now, what’s your answer?”
The driver pondered again. “This game of poker-is that straight poker or deuces wild?”
“What-if you’ll pardon my curiosity-does that have to do with it?”
“I can’t win at straight poker,” the driver replied. “It’s got to be deuces wild.”
“All right-deuces wild. Is that your answer? Would you engage the bad guys in a game of poker-deuces wild-and win their firearms from them?”
The driver scowled. “Let me think about it a minute.”
“Driver, we don’t have all day. We’re fleeing from a master criminal.”
“Suppose I sent in my resignation?” the driver said. “Would I lose my retirement benefits?”
Max opened the rear door of the cab, then turned to Peaches. “Get in. Let’s go,” he said.
“Are you sure he’s not you-know-who?”
“No, I’m not sure. We’ll just have to take a chance. By the time he gets around to answering the question, the real Dooms Day will be here and the examination will have become pointless.”
Peaches got into the rear seat of the taxi. Max followed her in, closed the door, then said to the driver, “Airport, please.”
The driver shrugged and headed the cab into traffic.
“Out of curiosity,” Peaches said to Max, “what is the answer to the question?”
“I don’t know,” he answered. “That’s the one question on the examination that I missed. I was hoping to find out the answer from the driver.”
“What did you answer?”
“I’d rather not say,” Max replied. “But I will tell you this: If I had been in that situation, and I had done what I said I would do on the examination, I would have had a friend with very long thumbs.”
Peaches turned away and stared out the cab window.
4
It was not long before they reached the airport. As they left the cab and entered the terminal, Max said to Peaches, “Keep an eye out for Noman. He might be anywhere and anybody.”
“If he might be anybody, how would I know if I saw him?”
“That’s right, I forgot. Not being a secret agent, you don’t have that sixth sense about criminals.”
“You do, I suppose.”
“As a matter of fact, yes,” Max replied. “Whenever I get within sensing distance of a bad guy, a bell rings in my mind, and a little sign pops up. The sign says: ‘There’s one, Max!’ ”
“If you expect me to believe-”
Peaches cut the statement short as Max was stopped by a plump man in a checkered suit. The man looked like a typical air terminal tout.
“Hey, uh fella…” the man said, glancing about cautiously.
“Yes?” Max replied.
“Interested in a tip on the noon flight to Bermuda?”
“Well…”
“Don’t take it,” the man said. “It’ll be cancelled due to engine trouble.”
“I didn’t intend to take it,” Max said. “We’re only interested in New York flights.”
“Then you want the Arr Dee Airline,” the tout said. “It flies only to New York.”
“Arr Dee? What does that stand for?”
“It stands for R. D.”
“Oh. Well, what does R. D. stand for?”
“Ruptured Duck.”
“I see. I don’t think we’re interested in that, either,” Max said. He started to move on.
But the tout caught him by the sleeve. “You’re interested in getting the best deal you can get, aren’t you, fella? To me, you look like a man who is on a limited expense account.”
“Yes, that’s true. What do you have to suggest?”
“Arr Dee Airline has some special flights. If you qualify, there are some price advantages. For instance, if you’re a seventy-year-old midget, and you fly between 10 A.M. Tuesday and noon on Thursday, wearing a sealskin coat and a patch on your left eye, you can get a tremendous discount”
“That’s interesting. How much would it cost?”
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. In fact, Arr Dee Airline pays you.”
“It sounds worth looking into,” Max said. “I wonder if it has discounts for secret agents.”
“Secret agents are in the same category as seventy-year-old midgets wearing sealskin coats and eye patches.”
“And how about cryptographers?”
“You may have some trouble there,” the tout replied. “Arr Dee frowns on people who go around taking photographs of graves.”
“We’ll chance it,” Max said. “Which way to Arr Dee?”
“Straight ahead until you hear a ‘sssssst!’ ”
“Thank you. You’ve been very helpful.”
“Nothing,” the tout said. He hurried on ahead.
“Somehow,” Peaches said, “I don’t trust that man.”
“Nonsense,” Max replied. “Don’t let appearances deceive you. If he weren’t trustworthy, a bell would have gone off in my mind, and a little sign would have popped up. Forward!”
They continued through the crowded terminal, until Peaches suddenly noticed that it was no longer crowded.
“Where are we?” she asked. “We’ve passed all the ticket counters.”
“Arr Dee is probably a little out of the mainstream,” Max said. “Considering the discounts it gives, it probably can’t afford space in the high rent district.”
“Max, I don’t know about this. I think-”
She was interrupted by a sound. “Ssssst!”
They saw a plump man beckoning to them from a half-open doorway. He looked like a typical airline reservations clerk.
“This is it,” Max said. “See there-in fresh paint it says ‘Arr Dee Airline’.”
“That looks suspicious to me. Look-something has been scratched out, and ‘Arr Dee Airline’ is painted over it.”
“I’m sure there’s a logical explanation for that,” Max said.
They had reached the clerk.
“Doing some fresh painting, I see,” Max said.
“This is our new office,” the clerk smiled. “We just moved in a few minutes ago. Before, we were up front with all the other airlines. But it got crowded. We like privacy.”
Max turned to Peaches. “I told you there was a logical explanation.”
“Right in here,” the clerk said, opening the door.
They stepped in and found themselves in a room about the size of a janitor’s closet.
“Let’s see now, you’re looking for a deal on a flight to New York,” the clerk said.
Max’s eyes narrowed. “How did you know that?”
“I have a sixth sense about people who are headed for New York,” the clerk replied. “When I see one, a bell rings in my mind, and a little sign pops up. It says: ‘There’s one!’ ”