“Just lighting up, Captain,” another voice said.
“No smoking around a torpedo!” the Captain said. “Throw that cigarette out!”
“Yes, sir. Where’ll I throw it?”
“In the wastebasket, you fool! Am I the only one around here who can do any thinking!”
“Yes, sir.”
“Ready to fire, Captain!”
“So shoot, already!”
There was a shattering explosion! The torpedo ripped forward, slicing into the water!
“Well, it’s clear sailing from here on out!” Max said cheerily to his crew.
9
The Torpedo struck the U.N. Building with a thud that knocked the head off. Max’s own head emerged. He looked around, got his bearings, then squinted toward the river. Neither periscope nor submarine could be seen.
Max crawled out and climbed to dry land, followed by Blossom and Fang.
“It’s raining,” Blossom commented.
“It’s hailing,” Max corrected.
“Rorff!”
“By cracky, he’s right,” Max said.
“What say?”
“He says it’s hailing orange ping-pong balls.”
Blossom nodded. “He’s right, all right. How strange.”
“Not so strange,” Max said. “In fact, it explains quite a lot-it explains the whole summer of ’61. I distinctly remember Captain 49 now. He was the FLAG agent who was smuggling those orange ping-pong balls. We thought his purpose was to upset the orange market in Florida. But, all along, this is what he had in mind-a new-fangled submarine.”
“I don’t think I understand,” Blossom said.
“That submarine-that’s what kept it afloat. Its hull was filled with orange ping-pong balls. That’s why it’s hailing ping-pong balls now. Apparently when that seaman dropped his cigarette into the wastebasket, it… well, it’s too gruesome to discuss.”
“Very sad,” a voice agreed.
They turned and found Boris standing behind them.
“Yes, they were good men,” Max said. “Rotten to the core, but good men, nevertheless.”
“The men I won’t miss,” Boris said. “But the submarine, that’s a different story. When the submarine went, there went my ride home. You ever tried hitchhiking across the Atlantic Ocean?”
“Especially hitch-hiking with a robotnapped computer,” Max said. “What have you done with Fred?”
Boris grimaced. “Don’t even mention that name. He may have the world’s finest brain, but, to go with it, he’s got a cheatin’ heart. I’ll never trust him again.”
“What did he do?” Blossom said curiously.
“I don’t like to talk about it,” Boris said morosely.
“Ah, come on,” Max said. “That’s the best thing to do-talk about it, get it out of your system.”
A tear rolled down Boris’s cheek. “I made him such beautiful promises,” he said. “ ‘Come with me,’ I told him. ‘Live in the land where every man is equal, each and every one a servant of the State.’ I promised him everything. He could have lived like a czar.”
“And he said no?”
Boris nodded. “He said no. I didn’t mind that. That, I expected. It was all lies, anyway, everything I promised him. What saddens me is his ingratitude. After all my promises, he done me dirty. Just as I was about to shove him in front of a speeding automobile, he…” Overcome, Boris began to weep.
“Buck up, old man,” Max said sympathetically. “What did he do-tell us?”
“He stepped aside,” Boris sobbed.
“Yes… and…?”
“I was very near killed,” Boris said. “I went plunging on, right out in front of the speeding automobile. I could have been seriously deceased.”
“The driver stopped the car in time, I assume,” Max said.
“Fortunately, yes,” Boris said. “Unfortunately, however, also in time for Fred to escape. There was a heated discussion with the driver of the car, and when it concluded, Fred had disappeared. I am heartbroken.”
“You’ve been dealt a dirty deal, all right,” Max said.
“I think he had it coming to him,” Blossom said sourly. “I’m just worried about Fred. Poor thing. That girl, trying to dismantle him. And this one, trying to push him in front of a car. And what has he done? His only crime is to have brains and want to lead a quiet, secluded life.”
“No man is an island,” Max said. “And that goes for computers, too. Fred has a duty to participate in all the mayhem and double-dealing that’s known as Life. If he doesn’t like it the way it is, why doesn’t he go back where he came from?”
“You mean back into the kit?”
“Don’t confuse the issue,” Max said. “The point is, Fred has a duty to mankind. He has the brain power to develop the most powerful explosive the world has ever known. It’s the only thing that can save us.”
“I don’t think I understand that,” Blossom said.
“Of course not. You’re a woman.” He turned back to Boris. “Did you, by any chance, see in which direction Fred disappeared?”
Boris shook his head. “I was too busy exchanging numbers with the driver of the car,” he said. “Social Security numbers, telephone numbers, insurance policy numbers, Unemployment Compensation numbers, Draft Board num-”
“Apparently, then,” Max broke in, “we’re right back where we started. We have to figure out where a computer could go to hide. Any ideas?”
“I’ll bet that girl has him, that Noel,” Blossom said.
“Hmmmm… I forgot about her. Since 94 turned out to be Captain 49, I suspect that he didn’t take her to Control and turn her over for interrogation. Our problem, then, is to find Noel. Any ideas on that?”
“Why don’t you call her home in Paree, Illinois,” Blossom suggested. “Maybe her family has heard from her.”
Max considered this for a moment, then shook his head. “She didn’t strike me as the type of girl who keeps in touch with her mother.”
Boris sighed. “Well, if you’ll excuse me,” he said, “I have to report in. If I miss calling headquarters, they worry.”
“See you around,” Max said. “Maybe on the next case.”
“Regards to the fellas at Control,” Boris said, departing.
“Aren’t you awfully friendly, for enemies?” Blossom said to Max.
“Well, we’re all in the same trade. You have to have a certain amount of respect for those FLAG-” He suddenly brightened. “Of course! Why didn’t I think of that!”
“Of what?”
“FLAG. Boris. That’s where Boris is going right now-to check with FLAG headquarters.”
“I know. He said that.”
“Yes, but he didn’t say why.”
“Yes, he did. He said-”
“Never believe a FLAG agent,” Max counseled. “They wouldn’t know the truth if it sat down on their corns. The whole kit and kaboodle, they’re a bunch of lying, cheating, unscrupulous-”
“Will you tell me what he’s up to!” Blossom demanded.
“He’s going to call FLAG headquarters, all right. But not just to report in. He’s going to find out where Noel is. She has to report in, too, you know. She’ll advise FLAG of her whereabouts-they worry about them if they don’t know where they are every second.”
“Gee,” Blossom said, “it’s too bad you’re not a FLAG agent. You could call in and find out where Noel is.”
“I think it’s time to stop playing fair and square,” Max said. “If you can’t win on the up and up, then cheat-rule number twenty-three!”
“Rorff!”
“That’s right,” Max said. “That’s rule number twenty-one. Twenty-three is: Never knock Texas.”
“Never knock Texas?”
“We have a large Texas contingent,” Max explained. “They demanded that we insert that rule or they’d secede and start up a Secret Service of their own.”
“All right, I’m sorry I asked,” Blossom said. “How are you going to cheat?”
“I’m going to pretend to be Noel’s mother and go to FLAG headquarters and find out where she is.”
Blossom put a hand to her forehead. “I think I’m going to be sick,” she said.
“Buck up,” Max said. “This is no time to weaken. I think we’re going to crack this case. From here on out it looks like clear sailing.”
“I know I’m going to be sick!” Blossom groaned.