He remained silent. She lifted her gaze and found him watching her with a hooded expression. Hard to say if it was due to post-orgasmic exhaustion or if he’d erected the shield he always seemed to use when she pushed him to reveal too much. She lightly grazed her nail over another scar that curled along his pectoral muscle. Its proximity to his heart made her stomach churn. How many close brushes with death had he lived through?
“I stopped keeping track of where I picked up a particular scar,” he finally offered in a strangely flat voice. “Suffice it to say, I’ve run into my fair share of souls who weren’t ready to go down without a fight.”
She waited for him to elaborate. When he didn’t, she scooted forward and brushed her lips over his. Pulling back, she cupped his cheek. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“Whatever Antoinette and the others made you do.”
His guarded gaze returned. “There’s no need to beat around the bush. You know what my job entailed.”
“You were only carrying out orders, Sam.”
“To kill and steal.” He rolled her off him and sat up, his face an expressionless mask. “Don’t make the mistake of martyring me, babe. I sure as hell knew what I was getting myself into. And whether you like it or not, being a soul collector was something I was born to be. If not for the shit that happened with Antoinette and Pricilla, I’d damn well still be one.”
If his aim had been to shine a spotlight on the vast chasm of differences standing between them, he’d more than succeeded. But the sad, pathetic reality was that it didn’t change the fact she loved him.
He shoved up from the bed and disappeared into the bathroom, leaving her with a twisted tangle of sheets. And an even bigger mess of her heart.
Forty minutes later, adequately composed for her upcoming visit with her mom, she made her way down to the shop. Cass was waiting for her on the other side of the door. She blinked at Sam’s cousin in surprise. “Wow, talk about perfect timing.”
Cass offered a sheepish grin. “Not really. I’ve been down here for almost an hour.”
“What? Why didn’t you come upstairs?”
“I did at first.” Her cheeks pink, Cass coughed into her fist. “You and Sam sounded like you were busy, so I decided to let you guys have some privacy.”
Oh goddess. Cass heard them having sex? Or maybe she was referring to them arguing. Marabella decided to do her embarrassment a favor and pretend it’d been that last option. Pasting on a strained smile, she waved Cass through the doorway. “Well, I’m ready to go if you are.”
They stepped outside, and Marabella led the way to the lot where her convertible was parked. After an awkward silence, Cass cleared her throat. “I know Sam can be difficult at times, but I think you’re good for him.”
Okay, so maybe Cass had overheard the argument. Fumbling the key into the ignition, Marabella gave Cass a doubtful look. “I don’t think he considers it that way.”
“You have to understand something about Sam. It’s easier for him to be a, well, miserable son of a bitch, for lack of a better description.” Cass rolled down her window, letting some of the stale air escape. “He wasn’t always that way. At least not for the most part. He’s always had a penchant for rudeness, but that’s also kind of a demon thing. In case you didn’t know, most of them aren’t exactly known for their social graces.” She caught Marabella’s sidelong glance and laughed. “Before you accuse me of calling the kettle black, let me remind you that I’m only half demon. I might not enjoy the business side of being a reaper, but at least they’re not shady, dishonest assholes.”
“You’re not giving me much reason to want this thing—whatever it is—between me and Sam to work out.”
Cass’s shoulders drooped on a heavy exhale. “Bluntness is a reaper trait. We tend to tell it how we see it. Nik is much worse than me, but it’s still something I have to work on.”
“Why? I prefer you tell me the truth when it comes to Sam. Because goddess knows, he’s not willing to allow me close enough to know anything about him beyond the crude, tough-guy exterior.”
“But you know it’s there. You’ve seen glimpses of it, haven’t you?”
She let the engine idle while she pondered Cass’s question. “Sometimes he…looks at me in a certain way. Like the darkness has momentarily lifted, and he’s…”
“Happy?”
“I don’t know.” She recalled the brilliant smile that erupted across his face last night when they’d been joking during dinner. “Maybe.”
“He hasn’t been happy for a long time. I used to wonder if he’s forgotten what it even feels like. But ever since that first night with you, I’ve seen traces of the old Sam again. Along with some…new aspects.”
“New aspects?”
Cass fidgeted with the crease of her khakis. “There’s something else you need to know about demons. They don’t feel guilt and remorse like you and every other human does. This is what’s given them the reputation of being evil, but really, most of them aren’t. They just don’t have a conscience. Or at least not a very strong one.”
Marabella mulled over Cass’s words, trying to correlate them with what she knew Sam to be and his actions from the very first moment she’d met him. “He certainly didn’t have much of a conscience when it came to seducing me to get his way that night.”
“Yes, which makes his admission yesterday pretty peculiar, don’t you think?” Cass returned her blank stare with a shrug. “He said by the time the deed was done, it was too late, in reference to taking your virginity. Marabella, that’s as good as an apology from Sam.”
She snorted. “Talk about a half-assed apology.”
“You’re missing the point. Why would he be sorry if he didn’t feel guilty?”
Marabella frowned. “But you just said it’s impossible for him to—” She broke off as Cass’s meaning crystallized. “Are you implying that Sam’s suddenly grown a conscience?”
“Yep.”
“But…how?”
“That’s the question of the day. One that I’m hoping this trip to your mom’s might help shed some light on.”
Marabella gaped at Cass. “What does my mom have to do with Sam developing a conscience?”
“Nothing, except the fact she gave birth to you.”
“Wait a minute. You think I have something to do with it?”
“There’s only one way to find out.”
Disbelief swirling in her brain, Marabella tore her gaze from Cass. Shifting into drive, she peeled out of the lot and headed toward the Alliance headquarters. Traffic was blessedly light at this time of the day, making the journey speedy and uneventful. She found a parking spot next to her mom’s silver Lexus, and a couple seconds later she and Cass made their way to the front entrance.
Her nerves kicking in again, she slid Cass a worried glance. “You’re absolutely certain my mom won’t be able to pick up on what you’re doing? Reading her soul, I mean.”
“Absolutely.” Cass frowned. “Are you okay? You look like you’re seconds away from throwing up.”
Anchoring her portfolio case under one arm, Marabella scrubbed a hand over her face and took a deep, calming breath. “I just don’t want my mom to become suspicious. If she or any of the other guild members find out about Sam…” Her mouth twisted in a wry grimace. “Let’s just say that Pricilla would then be the least of our problems.”