He pressed down the road, moving aside to let a train of ambulances pass, followed by several dozen stretcher bearers, Union prisoners who looked up at him curiously. He nodded and continued on. A cluster of tents, pitched next to the road, was ahead; atop the crest of the next hill, the ridge top poked above the fog like an island in a sea of white moon glow. He rode into the mist flanking the hill, the cool dampness soothing, cloaking him for a moment He entertained a passing fantasy, that he could somehow stay here, let the burden drop away.
I let raw emotion take control The last assault never should have gone in. And I could see it in the eyes of those around me, the staff meeting at the train station in that accursed town. No one would say it, but I know they were thinking it. I pushed Ewell's men forward, and now thousands are gone from the ranks.
When I stand before God, will those who fell be in judgment? How do 1 answer for all the blood upon my hands? John Reynolds died near here, supposedly just beyond the hospital barn, a godly man Reynolds.
Out on the frontier, Texas, he remembered how the natives believed that the spirits of the slain lingered at the place where they had fallen.
Does John now linger here? Is his spirit drifting with this fog? The men, Reynolds's valiant men who so manfully held us throughout yesterday morning and afternoon… was this mist not a mist at all, but rather their souls?
He shivered. Pagan superstition, don't let it haunt you now.
John, I'm sorry. This war never should have divided us. Duty, you and I lived for duty. We learned that at the Point, taught it to our cadets in turn. We were trained for this, believed it to be our sacred trust. A soldier must not ask why once he has drawn his sword for his nation. He takes his orders and carries them out unflinchingly; thus it was with the Roman Republic, with the Crusaders, with my own father who rode with Washington.
But… ami now responsible for all this death? For John, for the bodies that are swelling in the fields around me?
He slowed, suppressing a gag as they edged around a dead horse that had been nearly cut in half by a bursting shell, the broken body of a man twisted up in the offal.
"Lieutenant Jenson, find some men, get that poor man out
of that mess, and have them drag the horse off the road. I don't want troops seeing that"
If I start thinking of this now, dwelling on all that this means, it will slow me, make me hesitate. One gets lost in it, the sight of a column of men, buoyant, filled with youthful zeal, marching along the road on a spring morning, their voices rising with the wind, a vast ocean sweeping toward victory, or the lines going forward, the first shock of battle joined, the air splitting with thunder… those are the moments we give ourselves over to the dark god
The duality of man is so apparent then, men like myself who kneel in prayer to the Prince of Peace, who then rise up and go forth, open-eyed, into the red field, filled with mad passion for war and glorying in the moment. It is now, though, that we see the truth in what we do in this darkness before dawn.
No.
And he visibly shook himself, as if trying to cast off a weight upon his shoulders.
Not now. Long after this day is over I can dwell on my sins. I must stay the course with all my strength; to do otherwise is a betrayal of all who have already lost their lives, leading us to this moment.
Traveler's pace slowed as they went up the slope, the mist thinning. He stopped and lowered his head and took his hat off.
"John, old comrade, rest in peace. You did your duty as I must do mine. Forgive me if I have wronged you.
"God, give me strength and Your guidance for this.day ahead. Lead me to what is right so that this struggle might come to the end that You decree. Thy will be done.’
"Amen."
Startled, he looked to his left, where voices had echoed "amen" in response to his prayer. Several men stood by the side of the road, infantry, staring at him, all with hats off.
"Good morning to you," Lee said self-consciously.
"General, sir. Heard we were marching south. Are we giving up here and headin' home?"
"Just do your duty, men, and all will be well."
The men, ladened down with dozens of canteens dripping with moisture, saluted.
"We was out fetching water for our company," a corporal announced. "Full canteens, haversacks, and eighty rounds per man. Sounds to me, sir, like a fight coming, sir."
"Return to your company, Corporal. You'll be moving shortly."
The men saluted gravely. The crest ahead was a beehive of activity, lanterns casting dim circles of light. But the sky was brightening; and looking back to the east he could see a band of violet and gold tracing the horizon, the shoulder of Orion, hovering in the morning sky.
"General Longstreet sir." It was Walter, back at his side, nodding toward the tents.
Longstreet was up, standing over a table, map spread out men gathered around him. Lee rode up and all came to attention, formally saluting.
"Good morning, gentlemen."
An orderly took Traveler's reins as Lee dismounted, another man bringing up a cup of tea, which he gratefully took, blowing on the rim before taking a sip.
"Another scout just came in," Longstreet reported. "Jed Hotchkiss reconnoitered down to a hill that overlooks Emmitsburg. He reports campfires along the pike road south of town."
"How many?"
"Not many, a couple of regiments, infantry or cavalry, not sure, sir. Lots of signs, though, of heavy troop movements from yesterday."
As Longstreet talked, he nodded to a copy of Jed Hotchkiss's map spread out on the table. John Hood and a couple of his brigade commanders were on the far side of the table.
"Sure would like to have a brigade of cavalry out in front of us on this," Hood offered.
"You have two companies from my headquarters detail," Lee replied.
"And the rest of Stuart's men?" Hood asked, and again there was that slight note of reproof in another man's voice. The universal challenge of the last week: "Where is Stuart?"
"They'll be coming in on our left flank by midmorning. Their arrival will help to keep those people in Gettysburg from looking the other way."
"Still, sir, it would be nice to have a bit more support. We're up north now. I don't have a single boy with us who knows this country the way we did back in Virginia. I'll be running half-blind."
"Jed Hotchkiss will be with you, General Hood, once you reach Emmitsburg, and he has studied this region for months."
Lee drew closer to the table and set his cup of tea down. "Let me make something very clear to everyone," he said slowly, deliberately lowering his voice, forcing those around him to draw closer. "I will not tolerate any more wishes, any more concerns as to what Stuart is doing or not doing, whether we should have taken that hill last night or not" He paused, looking pointedly at Longstreet "Or any regrets that Jackson is no longer with us. We are in command here. I, and from me to you, down to those boys who trust us with their lives. We must show confidence, gentlemen, as is our duty. Do we understand each other clearly on that gentlemen?"
"Yes, sir," Hood snapped.
Even as he spoke, Lee could see that the light was shifting. He could see Hood's face by the first touch of dawn.
"This will be like Manassas again. A long, hard march with the army split Ewell will hold before Gettysburg, drawing back his left flank onto the ridge west of town. Hill's men will wait until late in the day before setting out General Longstreet this is the day for your corps to show all that it can do. You must move swiftly and without hesitation. This is not a tactical march, sir, of but a few miles, to swing around the cemetery or even around that rocky hill. You must be audacious and move with the utmost speed. That above all, sir, audacity and speed."