"Well"—Dana smiled thinly—"when you started introducing me as 'the old ball and chain,' that's when I left."
Venkman saw the logic in this. "I may have a few personal problems," he admitted, "but one thing I am is a total professional."
He marched meaningfully across the room to Spengler. Egon had little Oscar sprawled on the couch and was in the middle of taking a complete set of body and head measurements of the lad, using a tape measure and calipers. Venkman was intrigued.
"What are you going to do, Egon? Knit him a snowsuit?"
Spengler ignored the remark and handed Venkman a small jar. "I'd like to have a stool specimen," he muttered.
"Yeah, you would," Venkman agreed. "Is that for personal or professional reasons?"
Spengler shot Venkman a look that equaled the phrase zip it. Venkman withered into silence. He gazed
down at little Oscar. He had never seen a baby so close- up before. He tilted his head down at the boy. Was the kid smiling at him?
He picked up the baby in his hands. "Okay, kid. Up you go."
He held the giggling baby over his head and pressed his nose into the baby's belly, making the baby laugh even more.
"He's attacking!" Venkman cried. "Help! Please, somebody help me! Get him off! Quickly! He's gone completely berserk."
Ray and Egon sighed and smiled, continuing their readings of the house. Dana was mildly surprised at Venkman's latent daddy prowess.
"What do you think?" she asked him as Venkman continued to clown with the baby.
"There's no doubt about it," Venkman said, staring into the boy's cherubic face. "He's got his father's looks. The kid is ugly ... extremely ugly. And smelly."
Venkman grinned at the baby and jiggled him. The baby whooped with glee. "You stink, baby. It's just horrible. "You are the stinkiest baby I ever smelled."
He turned to Dana. "What's his name?"
"His name is Oscar."
Venkman flashed a sad smirk at Oscar. "You poor kid."
Dana finally lost her patience with Venkman's kid ding. "Peter, this is serious. I need to know if you think there's anything unusual about him."
Venkman held Oscar directly in front of him. "Hmm. Unusual? I don't know. I haven't had a lot of experience with babies."
"Sample?" Spengler reminded him from across the room.
"Right." Venkman nodded.
Venkman laid the baby down on the couch and attempted to remove its little sleeper. He wasn't sure whether to pull it down over the child's feet or up over its head. Oh, well, he figured. He had a fifty-fifty chance of getting it right.
Dana snatched the jar away from him. "I'll do it," she snapped.
"I'll supervise." He smiled.
"You'll do no such thing," she said.
"Right." Venkman nodded, seeing Oscar's diaper. "I'll do no such thing."
Venkman strolled into Oscar's nursery, where Ray Stantz was carefully monitoring every piece of furniture and every toy for traces of psychokinetic energy. Venk man sidled up to Ray. Ray rubbed his groundhog hair, puzzled.
"Well, Holmes," Venkman asked. "What do you think?"
"It's an interesting one, Pete. If anything was going on, it's totally subdued now."
Egon Spengler entered the room, similarly con fused.
. Venkman recognized the look. Intense concentra tion. "What now, brainiac?"
"I think we should see if we can find anything abnormal on the street," he said.
Venkman nodded. "Finding something abnormal on a New York street shouldn't be too hard."
Moments later Dana Barrett was leading Stantz, Spengler, and Venkman down East Seventy-seventh Street, carefully retracing the route Oscar's baby buggy had taken after it developed a mind of its own. Stantz and Spengler worked in silence, monitoring the PKE valences from the pavement and the buildings.
Venkman ignored them, chatting up Dana as he gazed up and down the street. "Brings back a lot of sweet memories, doesn't it?" he said, waxing nostalgic.
He pointed to several points of interest. "There's our old cash machine. And the dry cleaners we used to go to. And the old video store."
Venkman heaved a phony sob and wiped a nonex istent tear from his eye. "We really had some good times, didn't we?"
"We definitely had a moment or two," Dana said. She suddenly stopped at the intersection and pointed to the middle of the street. "That's where the buggy stopped."
Venkman stared at the street. "Okay. Let's take a look."
Venkman stepped out into moving traffic, ignoring the don't walk sign and the cars whizzing around him. He held up his arms and began rerouting traffic like a cop would.
"Okay, buddy," he said sternly. "Slow it down. And you? Back it up. Aha! Caught you. Simon didn't say 'Back it up.'"
He motioned for Dana, Stantz, and Spengler to join him in the middle of the street. "Okay, kids. It's safe to cross now."
Stantz was the first to arrive. "Is this the spot?"
Dana extended a finger. "A little to the left."
Stantz moved his PKE monitor slightly.
"Right there!" Dana exclaimed. "That's where it stopped."
Stantz read the meter. "Nothing," he said, puzzled. "Not a trace."
Spengler lapsed into his more intense concentra tion mode. "Why don't we try the Giga meter?"
"What's that?" Venkman blinked.
Traffic was at a standstill for blocks now. Venkman ignored the honking cars and screaming drivers.
"Egon and I have been working on a gauge to measure psychomagnetheric energy in GEVs," Stantz explained. "Giga electron volts."
"That's a thousand million electron volts," Spengler clarified.
Venkman nodded sagely. "I knew that."
Spengler reached into his small carrying bag and removed the small machine he had demonstrated for Dana earlier in his lab. He passed the small device over the spot in the street where little Oscar's buggy had come to a sudden stop. Egon's eyes grew wide as the machine began to click wildly, and the GEV indicator shot into the red zone and stuck there.
Stantz gazed over Egon's shoulder, gaping. "I think we hit the honey pot, folks. There's something brewing under the street."
Dana gulped, glancing at Venkman. "Peter," she said, her voice trembling. "Do you think maybe I have some genetic problems or something that makes me vulnerable to these supernatural things?"
Venkman put a reassuring arm around her shoul ders. "You mean like the time you got possessed and turned into a monster terror dog? Naaaah. Not a chance. Total coincidence."
He smiled at Stantz and Spengler. "Am I right?"
Stantz and Spengler looked first at each other, and then at Venkman. They were clearly not buying the coincidence theory.
"I said," Venkman repeated, " 'Am I right?' "
"Oh, yeah," Stantz nodded.
"Sure," Spengler agreed.
Venkman led Dana, Spengler, and Stantz back to the curb. He faced the frozen traffic behind him. "Gentle men!" he called. "Start your engines."
Within seconds, traffic on East Seventy-seventh Street was as frantic as usual. The New York street once again looked perfectly normal ... for now.