He paused, letting the words sink in. Letha stared at him, her wide brown eyes full of hurt and fear as if she had already guessed much of what he was telling her. In some way, he realized, she probably had. Dev drew a long breath and continued.
“When we were twelve, the owners made a string of bad buys and the ship went bust. To settle debts, the freighter was sold and the crew left stranded. My parents hitched a ride to Oasis. Kammie and her mother went back to her family’s ship. When we saw each other for the last time, my heart broke. I didn’t speak to anyone, not even my mother, for nearly six months. I almost starved to death, and for a while I was put into a hospital. I never thought I could care about anything again. Even after I got my license and started flying, it didn’t matter to me. I was just going through the motions. Then, I met you.”
He kissed her, but knew the gesture seemed false. Letha pulled back, her eyes bright with tears. “She’s here, isn’t she?”
“Yes.”
“And that’s why you don’t want to join the mission?”
Dev nodded slowly. Letha looked away, reached up with her free hand and brushed her fingers through her thick, dark hair. “I love you.” She lifted her mouth to his and kissed him hard, then pulled back, her lips quivering as she smiled. “I trust you.”
Dev held her, soaking up her warmth and wishing to whatever nameless gods might exist that he could trust himself.
The Blanca Rosa departed the next morning, bearing her load of refugees for Novus. Despite everything, Dev found himself standing among the onlookers watching the little bit of history play out. He watched as the crew made their way to the airlock, Alvarez the last to step inside. The captain turned and kissed Kammie Tule so passionately they seemed to be part of some old romantic vid, lovers torn apart by the onrushing war, star-crossed but defiant. The crowd cheered as Alvarez broke the kiss, waved to the onlookers, then strode up the sloping ramp while the heavy doors slid shut behind him.
Dev watched from the railing one level above the floor, secretly thrilled to see Alvarez gone while Kammie remained behind to take the volunteers back to Portius. She turned and found him staring down at her. This time, neither bothered to look away from the other.
A bulk container was leased to carry the pusher-ships back to Portius, along with one of the largest star-drive equipped tugs, the Elizabeth Toland, to tow it and house the volunteers. Dev kept busy over the next three days, helping load the bulky ships and provisions into the canister, the normal flow of goods through Oasis on hold until the rescue ship was away. By the time the final pusher was stowed and the container secured for flight, he felt as if he hadn’t slept in a week, his body on the verge of exhaustion.
And still he couldn’t keep Kammie Tule from his thoughts.
A farewell party had been organized, the Pilot’s Association hangar now fitted with wall screens blazing light shows and raucous music. Dev could actually feel the bass notes through the soles of his boots as he walked toward the trans-rail. The station seemed deserted, everyone who was anyone at the party. Dev’s mouth twisted in an ironic smile as he wandered toward the waiting cars, the hypnotic call of the music reinforcing his decision to stay behind at Oasis. Weary to the core, he swiped his card through the pay-slot and the gate clicked open. The steel rail felt cold in his hand as he pushed it open. Behind him, he heard a soft, hesitant footstep.
“Dev?”
For one moment he considered not turning around. “Hello, Kammie. I thought you’d be at the party.”
“I was.” She wore her flightsuit again, the blue padded jacket emphasizing her slender hips and long legs. Her blond hair looked tousled and yet perfectly in place, gold highlights cast by the overhead lamps. “Guess I wasn’t in the mood for crowds.”
“Yeah, me either.” Somehow his legs seemed to have taken on a mind of their own, carrying him within arms reach of her. “I hope things go all right on the mission.”
“Thanks.” She sighed. “Wish you were coming with us. We could use you.”
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” Dev pushed his hands into his jacket pockets, feeling like a nervous teenager. “I’m glad things have worked out for you. Piloting the Rosa, I mean. And, you know, you and Alvarez.” He could barely say the name.
“Thanks. Good luck with the baby.” Her smile trembled slightly at the corners of her mouth. “Must be wonderful having a family. I even think about it now and then.” She edged closer, but stopped short of touching him. “I wish I could kiss you goodbye, but…”
“Yeah, but…” Dev tipped his head back and stared up at the high ceiling, the open girders casting shadows across the gray surface. Sweat broke out on his back despite the cool air blowing through the chamber, every instinct screaming to take her in his arms. Instead, he forced a grim smile. “Take care of yourself.”
“You too.”
Turning around was the hardest thing he had ever done. Not until he was seated and the car moving did he allow himself a final look back, his heart breaking all over again as he watched Kammie waving one last goodbye.
The day passed in a blur, normalcy slowly returning once the transport departed, carrying away most of Oasis’s pusher pilots with it. Dev tried to keep busy, but in the end he wound up simply wandering the labyrinth of corridors until he was certain the transport had broken dock. Even then he couldn’t face going home to Letha, his anger and resentment too near the surface. He needed time to bring himself under control, time to start forgetting about Kammie Tule all over again.
When at last, nearly six hours later, he did return to the apartment, he found Letha sitting at the computer. She turned and looked at him, her dark eyes wide with fear.
“What’s wrong?” he said, rushing across the tiny room. “The baby?”
“No.” Letha shook her head. “We’re fine. It’s…” Her voice broke. “Word just came in from Departure Control. The transport canister exploded thirty seconds before engaging their star-drive. They don’t know if anyone on the tug survived.”
The room, so solid only a heartbeat before, began to dissolve, the floor no longer able to support him. Dev felt his knees buckle and kept from falling only by clutching a nearby counter. Letha hurried to him. A dull roar howled in the background, his own pulse thundering as the room continued to lose substance.
“How?” It was the only word he seemed able to force out his lips.
“Nobody knows.” Letha steered them both to the small couch. “Everything was green on their board. Then, just as they began the jump, their telemetry went dead. Departure picked up a debris field on radar a few seconds later.” She paused, her own voice far from steady. “No one official is saying it yet, but everyone suspects a bomb.”
Cold rage flooded through Dev, the shock giving way to the mounting fury. He had friends aboard that ship. They both did. People they had known and worked with for years, nearly half of the active shuttle pilots on station lost because of some fanatic’s need to make a political statement. His fists bunched together, the muscles on his arms tensing as he fought to hold in the anger and despair, one overriding thought burning in his mind. Kammie Tule was dead.
He was on his feet and halfway to the door before he realized he had stood up. Still on the couch, Letha called after him. “Where are you going?”
“Out there.” He didn’t need to explain where there was. “My ship is fueled and ready. If the tug didn’t explode there could be survivors. I’m going to bring them back.”