“I doubt it,” he said with a frown, cocking his head to the side as he studied the dress more carefully. “Maybe if you’re attemptin’ to look like a Christmas ornament.”
“Blah,” I answered as I yanked it away from him. Holding the dress up, I admired it. “It goes well with my hair,” I finished as I took a few steps toward the closet, intending to hang it up.
“Somehow, I don’t believe you,” Ryan interrupted as he blocked me from hanging it up. “I think you should go try it on.”
“What?” I asked, frowning at him. “After you pooh-poohed it as a disco ball or a Christmas ornament? I think not! Instead, I’m going to hang it up and let it lick its wounds in peace.” I started to hang it up again, but he stopped me.
“I think it prefers the option of showin’ how cute it is on you, rather than bein’ shoved into the darkness of your closet to forever live in obscurity.”
I faced him and narrowed my eyes as a smile formed on my lips. “Forever live in obscurity? Wow, impressive words there, Ryan. Did you just come up with that by yourself?”
He took a few steps toward me, his smile turning devilish. He didn’t say anything but reached for the dress. He slipped it off the hanger, threw the hanger on the bed, and pushed the now wadded-up dress toward me. “Ha-ha, smart-ass.” His Southern accent suddenly seemed more pronounced. He was standing about a foot away from me; and when I saw the undisguised expression of pure sexuality in his eyes, I felt my heartbeat race and butterflies start in my stomach. “Try it on.”
I didn’t say anything else but simply offered him a raised brow, suggesting I wasn’t amused, but I started for the bathroom all the same. When I shut the door behind me, I exhaled a deep breath. I dropped the dress on the granite countertop and faced myself in the mirror. My cheeks were flushed, making it more than obvious that Ryan was having an undeniable effect on me. It was also more than obvious that there was a reason he wanted me to try on the dress—the idea of it must have turned him on. Because regardless of whether the thing looked like a disco ball or not, there was no way anyone could deny how revealing it was.
I took my shoes off and started to undress. My nerves were still very much present and accounted for, and a big part of me just wanted to forget the whole thing. I mean, what in the hell was I doing? And, more importantly, what would Ryan do or say once he saw me in it? I felt unbelievably, undeniably awkward, but before I could change my mind, I pulled the dress over my head.
Seeing myself in the mirror, I sighed heavily and leaned forward. I reached inside the halter top to adjust my breasts to make sure I was showing some cleavage. Then I smoothed down the bottom half of the dress, which ended mid-thigh, before trying to talk myself out of walking through the bathroom door.
“What’s takin’ so long?” Ryan demanded.
“Calm yourself!” I called back as I gathered my last shred of confidence and walked barefoot to the door. I paused for a few seconds with my hand on the doorknob as I tried to quiet the thrumming of my heartbeat, which kept echoing through my ears. Without another thought, I pulled the door open.
Ryan didn’t say anything at all. He was standing maybe four feet from me and as soon as I met his eyes, I had to strain to hold his gaze. I knew I was blushing from my head to my toes because I was so embarrassed, I didn’t know what to do with myself. The longer he stared at me unabashedly, the more I felt like a horse at auction. I cleared my throat and forced a grin. “Christmas ornament or disco ball?”
But Ryan’s expression didn’t change—no hint of a smile, nothing. He had the look of a deer caught in headlights…make that a really, really horny deer.
“Neither,” he said in a husky voice.
“So, I guess I win the argument.” I laughed nervously as I dropped my eyes to the ground because I felt like a total idiot standing there. I wasn’t prepared when I found Ryan standing in front of me. With a gulp of air, all I could comprehend was the sensation of his arms around me, pulling me into him, as he brought his mouth to mine. When I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes, I felt his tongue inside my mouth, which I eagerly met with my own.
Even though I’d imagined kissing Ryan many times, it was one of those moments that surpasses everything you dreamed it would be. Still so overcome with shock at him kissing me in the first place, I couldn’t fully absorb the situation. I had to kick myself to remember Ryan Kelly was standing in the middle of my guest bedroom, running his hands through my hair, while his tongue mated with mine.
“I’m sorry,” he suddenly said as he pulled away from me and caught his breath, shaking his head as he apparently thought better of what had just happened between the two of us. “I…I shouldn’t have done that…”
He ran his hand through his hair and took a few steps away from me. I immediately closed the distance between us and reached for his arm. “Ryan, it’s okay.”
“No,” he interrupted and pulled away from me. “It’s not.”
I shook my head, not understanding him at all. “Why?”
“Because you and I are friends,” he answered immediately, as if having to remind himself of the same fact.
I felt the frown working on my lips. “I don’t understand,” I started, shaking my head as I figured I was about to put myself out on a limb, but I was so dumbfounded by his reaction that I couldn’t even say I cared. “Didn’t we just go out on a date a couple of days ago?”
He nodded and glanced at me quickly before returning his attention to the ground. “Yes and I don’t…I don’t know what the hell I was thinkin’,” he finished.
“You regret our date?” I asked, my voice trembling.
“Yes,” he answered before shaking his head. “I mean, no, I don’t regret it.” He cleared his throat and finally brought his gaze to mine. “This isn’t easy for me, Peyton. I can’t deny that I’m attracted to you. I am.” His eyes searched my face as he paused for a few seconds. “God, am I attracted to you, but I also haven’t allowed myself to feel close to any woman since…Elizabeth died.”
“Oh,” I said and dropped my attention to the ground.
“Every time I start to think somethin’ can happen between you and I,” he started, reaching for my hand but then pulling back at the last minute, as if he thought touching me might burn him. He shook his head. “I don’t know…I just get overwhelmed with feelings of guilt.” He took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair. “I haven’t fully dealt with Elizabeth’s death, Peyton, and until I can, you and me…just can’t happen.”
I swallowed hard as I realized I empathized with him. Even though my feelings were hurt and I was still reeling from his announcement that we were just friends and that he basically wanted things to remain that way, I couldn’t really be angry with him. Not when I could see the battle brewing in his eyes. “I understand, Ryan,” I said softly.
“I’m sorry, Peyton,” he responded and offered me a hurried smile. “I thought I was ready for this, for you.” He shook his head as if he were angry with himself or the situation. “I really felt like I was ready to put the past behind me and move on, but kissing you…” His voice trailed as he focused on his calloused hands.
“Kissing me what?”
He shook his head and brought his stricken expression to my face. “Kissin’ you reminded me of the last time I kissed her.”
I was spared the need to respond when it sounded like an explosion came from the bathroom. At first, it was a low zapping noise, which erupted into something that sounded like it came from Dr. Frankenstein’s laboratory. A high-pitched electrical hissing sound eventually gave way to the noise of a lightbulb exploding with a final, bright burst of light.