But he shook his head, which told me he wasn’t talking about the conversation we’d already had. I suddenly felt my stomach drop even further as I realized what this might mean. “Please tell me you still want to be friends?” I asked, hating the thought as it occurred to me.
“No, I don’t want to be friends,” he answered in a nearly harsh voice before he immediately shook his head. “That’s not what I meant…” Then his voice trailed off completely as he paid attention to his knee, which was bobbing up and down as if he were overloaded with nervous energy.
“Um, what did you mean?” I asked, afraid that he did mean exactly what he’d said but didn’t like the way it had sounded so abrasive and was now going to try to soften the blow.
He sighed and brought his attention back to my face. I suddenly wanted to cry. “Pey, I’ve been doin’ a lot o’ thinkin’ since we last talked an’ I’ve realized that I’m makin’ a mistake.”
Don’t cry, Pey! I told myself. Please don’t cry!
“If this barbarian causes you to cry, ma minette, he will answer to me!” Drake responded, reminding me that he was still in my body and my mind.
“Answer to you?” I demanded, thinking it sounded ridiculous. “Remember, you’re in my body, which means he’ll basically be answering to me!”
“Ah, très vrai. Very true,” Drake said in apparent realization and then disappeared back into the deep recesses of my mind.
“A mistake?” I repeated, placing my full attention back on the conversation as I inwardly sighed.
Ryan nodded and then offered me a genuine smile. “I have to get beyond this grief, Peyton,” he continued. “An’ I’ll be honest with you, meetin’ you scared the hell out o’ me.”
“But is that a good reason to end our friendship?” I asked, shaking my head against the tears that were already threatening to break their way through.
“I believe it is a good reason to end our friendship,” Ryan started before taking another deep breath. “Because I want to experience more with you.”
I felt my eyebrows scrunch up in the middle as he completely derailed my train of thought and I went careening into the side of a mountain. “Wha-what?” I asked, rather eloquently.
He chuckled and then took my hand in his as he leaned into me. “Peyton, I screwed up. I was afraid o’ the feelin’s I had for you because I haven’t felt them in such a long time an’ the idea o’ lovin’ someone is frightenin’ to me.”
“Loving someone?” I repeated, my voice sounding ridiculously high.
But he didn’t seem frightened by the word. “Yes,” he answered succinctly. “Pey, I want this to work out between us.” He waved at me and then himself. “I want us to work out because the idea of my life without you isn’t somethin’ I even want to contemplate. An’ the idea of another man sweepin’ you up makes me want to punch somethin’.”
I laughed and almost couldn’t believe I was hearing Ryan say these words because they were so unexpected. I had to half wonder if I was still asleep and dreaming or maybe I’d really lost my mind and was hallucinating this whole thing.
“He makes me want to punch something,” Drake muttered.
“Oh, shut it!” I yelled back at him. He didn’t respond so I figured he’d taken my advice.
“Say somethin’,” Ryan said as I realized that while I’d been having a spat with Drake, Ryan was sitting here waiting for me to come back to reality. “Please tell me I’m not too late with this or that you don’t feel the same way I do?”
I took a deep breath and wasn’t sure if I should just throw my arms around him and cry tears of happiness or jump up and sing “Hallelujah” at the top of my lungs. Fortunately I managed neither and instead just smiled at him while I tried to keep my tears at bay. “When you came here, I thought you were going to tell me we couldn’t be friends anymore and the thought of that made my heart break in two.”
He nodded and dropped his attention to his hands where they fidgeted with my duvet cover. “So you do just want to stay friends, then?” he asked quietly.
“Let me finish,” I said and leaned forward while I shushed him with my index finger against his lips. “What I was going to say was that I can think of no better reason to change the scope of our friendship than by expanding it into a relationship.” I felt my lips split into a huge, beaming smile. “Ryan, I’ve cared about you from the moment you first showed up on my doorstep in the middle of that storm.” I took a deep breath and smiled again. “You had me at ‘Is your roof leaking?’ ”
Ryan chuckled as I laughed and then he reached for me, pulling me into the cocoon of his embrace. I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head against his chest as I closed my eyes and listened to his heart beating. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been this happy.
“Will you allow me to give you my opinion on this situation now?” Drake asked.
“No,” I responded immediately. “And don’t tempt me into tuning you out completely!”
“D’accord! Fine!”
“So there is one other thing I screwed up on,” Ryan interrupted in a deep, throaty voice.
I glanced up at him and frowned. “What did you screw up on?”
He tilted my chin and stared into my eyes as he smiled. “Our last kiss.”
I felt myself blushing all the way from my toes to my cheeks. “Yeah, you did sort of botch that one, didn’t you?”
He chuckled and then stood up to his full, impressive height as he stared at me with unmasked yearning in his eyes. “I’m about to make it up to you,” he practically whispered.
I nodded and swallowed hard. “I think I’m about to let you,” I whispered back.
Ryan chuckled, taking the few steps that separated us until he was only a couple of inches from me. He leaned into me, but when I thought he would kiss me, he nuzzled my ear and peppered kisses down the line of my neck instead. “Do you accept my apology for nearly botchin’ everythin’?” he asked.
“Yes,” I answered, even though my eyes were closed and my breathing was growing heavier.
His lips found mine and he wrapped his arms around me.
“Arrêtez! Stop this! You have no idea how completely uncomfortable this is for me!” Drake suddenly shouted in my head and he sounded pissed. “I have never had a homosexual experience in my life and I did not plan on starting in my afterlife! Incroyable!”
Shock ricocheted through me as I realized I’d completely forgotten about Drake! “You’re tuned out!” I said immediately. “I don’t want you to see or hear any of this!”
I had to take a deep breath as I waited for Drake’s response but not getting one, I figured my forcing him out of my head had worked. Or I hoped so.
“Pey, is everythin’ okay?” Ryan asked as he glanced down at me, a wide smile on his lips. “You seem preoccupied?”
I nodded immediately. “Yes, everything’s okay,” I breathed and then let out a little moan as he lifted me up and, holding me in front of him, gave me no choice but to straddle him. He carried me over a few steps to the edge of the bed where he carefully deposited me on my back. Lying beside me, only a few inches of air separated us. He raised himself up on his elbows and then paused for a moment, gazing down at me with what looked like admiration in his eyes.