you’re possessed of a natural elegance, one of the teachers, Miss Delaunay, complimented her, then promptly told the other girls they walked like pregnant heifers
which made Grace feel very special
they went to church every Sunday unless the snow was too deep or the ice too dangerous or the rain too torrential
they walked in a crocodile in their Sunday dresses, down the country lanes, holding hands, singing hymns
she collected flowers when they were allowed to play in the meadow, she pressed them in between the pages of her Bible and wrote poems about each one, ‘Ode to a Rose’, ‘Ode to a Daffodil’, ‘Ode to a Hydrangea’
she took up embroidery as a hobby, and got quite good at it
the girls in the junior dorm became her friends, sometimes they stayed up talking past their bedtime, enjoying themselves too loudly, forgetting the rules of the home
Sally had the most musical voice, Bertha made up the scariest stories, Adaline was going to be an actress and liked to recite The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyám which she’d found in the library and was memorizing
‘Earth could not answer: nor the seas that mourn/In flowing purple, of their Lord forlorn; Nor rolling Heaven, with all his Signs reveal’d/And hidden by the sleeve of Night and Morn’
she’d orate dramatically for so long the others got bored and told her to shut up now, Adaline
Grace did the best impression of Mrs Langley, impersonating her stiff, hoity-toity posture, sticking her bottom out and going bandy-legged as she cavorted up and down the pathways between the bunk beds in her cream calico nightdress, adopting an exaggerated ‘high-falutin’ accent, delivering a silly speech made up of overly long, nonsensical words that nobody could understand, delighted at how popular she’d become, making the girls grip their aching stomachs in hysterics, begging her to stop it because they couldn’t take it any more
at the very moment Mrs Langley flung open the door, shone her lamp in, caught Grace ‘acting the clown as if in a harlequinade’
it was lights-out ages ago, she scolded, accused Grace of corrupting the others, demanded to see her first thing in her office
you have too much personality, Mrs Langley said from behind the desk in her office, staring at Grace from behind halfpenny-round spectacles, hair pinned back, sat erect in mourning black for the husband everybody knew had died a long time ago at something called the Siege of Mafeking
too much personality is unseemly in a girl
Grace sat upright on the other side of the desk, legs dangling from it, hands placed correctly on her lap, feeling very scared, having felt safe in the home until now, she wasn’t the only one being naughty, but she was the only one who was caught
everyone knew very naughty girls were sometimes ‘let go’
well may you cry, Grace, and let this be a lesson to you, you are not like the other girls here, you have to be on your best behaviour at all times because life will be hard enough for you as it is, you will suffer much rejection by people less enlightened than we ladies who generously run this establishment
we believe in women’s suffrage and want to give you disadvantaged girls the chance of at least an elementary education
I myself have never been one of those militant protesters, Mrs Langley continued, speaking as if to herself now, waving her hands dismissively in the air, because it only results in public opprobrium and governmental condemnation for the individuals concerned, and even imprisonment
I believe in achieving our goals for the vote through reasoned argument, do you understand?
Grace nodded, what was Mrs Langley talking about?
I am also a pragmatist, Grace, therefore please listen to me carefully, it is incumbent upon me to tell you, for your own good, that you must henceforth tone down your natural exuberance and desist from your larking-about laissez-faire attitude because it is unbecoming, we pride ourselves on maintaining decorum and emotional equilibrium in this establishment and expect our girls to carry themselves with poise and self-restraint, we do not tolerate the outlandish showing-off I witnessed first-hand last night
do you want me to send you packing on to the streets without protection? you’ll likely end up in the disease-raddled environs of South Shields where girls such as yourself end up as ‘ladies of the night’ working for the Mohammedans, is that what you wish for yourself, Grace?
Grace decided that she was going to put a stop to her personality once and for all, she was going to have decorous emotions and be restrained
nor can we vouch for your domestic skills, modesty, diligence, trustworthiness and cleanliness in written references to future employers, and believe you me, Grace, without our endorsement you will never secure suitable employment
in respectable service
as a maid
at that, Grace tried hard to stop her tears turning into unladylike sobs
she’d wanted to be a shop assistant in Gillingham & Sons department store in Berwick-upon-Tweed where they were taken by Mrs Langley to see the Christmas decorations every year
the best girls from the home were employed there
she’d dreamed of wearing smart clothes, talking politely to customers as they made their purchases, people who’d leave the store complimenting the manager on what a charming girl Grace was, requesting to be served by her in future
it was not to be
at thirteen Mrs Langley found employment for Grace as a maid for the new Baron Hindmarsh, who’d returned to his ancestral castle a number of miles out of Berwick upon the demise of his father
after many years running the family’s tea plantation in Upper Assam
returned with a retinue of Indian servants, including his Indian mistress and their two sons, who were housed in a cottage in the grounds
had no problem taking on a half-caste maid.
3
Grace
is shopping in Gillingham & Sons for material for a summer dress
it’s the last shop on earth she wants to give any of her hard-earned money to, except it’s the only one in town that’s got what she wants
she’d written to the store manager a few years earlier requesting an interview for a position on the sales floor, determined to prove Mrs Langley wrong now that she was fully grown up and had several years’ experience in service behind her
however, as soon as she presented herself to the manager, dressed in her smartest outfit, he said outright that she’d put his customers off
he didn’t even give her a chance to open her flaming mouth
was quite sure she’d understand, he said
closing the door firmly behind her
for many weeks afterwards she dreamed of sneaking into the store one night and burning it to the ground
with the manager inside it, crying out for her to save him
Mabel and Beatrice from the home are working in Hosiery this Saturday, she’s not seen them in ages, has a chat while their supervisor fawns over a very wealthy-looking customer, tells them she wishes she was working there
they tell Grace that standing all day without a break makes their legs and feet so swollen they can barely walk afterwards
that their room, clothes and food are all deducted from their wages leaving them with little money to spend and enjoy themselves
Grace doesn’t buy it, she’d give anything to work in a swish department store where she can look sophisticated, meet interesting people, including future husbands (such as the ones they’re courting), get to live in rooms at the top of the shop in the middle of town, enjoy the social activities on offer such as tea dances, and the playhouse, and the winter and summer funfair
you try working as a maid miles from anywhere, she says, giving it to them good and proper
you try getting up before the cock crows to shovel out the grates and having to be on call until they all turn in