3. Offer reasons of your own for making decisions. This is when your parents will shout for joy, “Well, at least we did something right!” Making well-thought-out decisions is exactly what they have been training you to do. When they see that you have considered the consequences of a choice, they’ll confidently grant you your independence. Yahoo! Mission accomplished!
So What Is Normal?
Let’s review a laundry list of “normal” parent behaviors. They:• Embarrass you • Nose around in your business • Fuss at you about schoolwork, clothes, computer time and your whereabouts • Hate your friends • Love your friends • Establish strict, unbending rules • Establish no rules at all • Give you reasons for the rules • Make decisions for you • Let you choose
Yep, looks like all those abnormal, clueless parents out there are really pretty normal after all. Your normal parents didn’t go anywhere . . . your relationship with them and your perception of them just changed.
Now that we know your parents are possibly and even probably normal, where do you go from here? That’s easy. Keep heading the way your brain and body are leading you—straight toward independence. No matter what your parents’ parenting style is, that brain of yours will get its best exercise by making good decisions. Do whatever it takes to get the best information you can to help you make the best decisions you can . . . and watch your independence grow! Your Girl Power will grow along with it!
PART TWO
Body Talk
4
Not Your Usual Vocabulary List!
Words are powerful. You know because you use them all the time. You use words to get information when you ask your teacher, “Why did Shakespeare make men put on dresses, wigs and high heels to play women’s roles?” You use words to stand up for yourself when you tell a girl in your class, “I’ll help you with the math homework, but I’m not going to let you copy mine.” And you definitely express anger with words when you scream at your sister, “You idiot! I told you not to wash my white sweater with your stupid red sweatshirt!”
When we’re talking about our bodies and sex, using clear, accurate words gives us great power. Sex talk might be a little uncomfortable at first. There are lots of new words, and lots of words you’d only use with girlfriends—lots of words you’d never use with parents or teachers. Don’t worry. In chapters 4 and 5, we’re going to learn clear and accurate words for sex talk. And we’re going to get you some more power!
Pop quiz! Define the following (25 points each): scrotum, clitoris, areola, coitus . . . just kidding. What? Never seen these in your English book? Just as we suspected . . . this will not be your usual vocabulary list!
Awkward Words
It’s no secret that a lot of girls don’t feel comfortable talking about their “private body parts” or things related to sex. It can be embarrassing. It can even be scary. A lot of adults don’t feel comfortable talking about it either. It’s normal to feel uncomfortable and awkward talking about sex and personal subjects. It’s not something we go around talking to everyone about like the weather. But once you do start talking, it gets easier—for teens and for adults.
To help you understand some important things, you will need to know a lot of new terms and words. Some you know; some you don’t know; some you say; some you don’t say. There are also lots of words “out there” that you hear but may not understand. You need to learn about those, too.
Some of the words we think you need to know are listed below. Some words that we think you don’t need to know are also listed below. We put them there because we know you hear them anyway, and you deserve to at least know what they mean, so you can find “better” words to use in their place. By the time you have finished this book, you should know what all of them mean. Beside the words we have listed, you can also add the slang words that mean the same thing (it’s okay, really!). We want you to feel comfortable asking about words you don’t fully understand. We also want you to feel free to add other words to this list. If we don’t cover them here, ask a parent or another trusted adult. When you feel embarrassed, just remember that they probably feel just as awkward answering as you feel asking! Here’s your new vocabulary list:Abortion (termination of pregnancy)—An abortion is a medical or surgical procedure that removes a pregnancy from a woman’s uterus to end the pregnancy.Birth control (the pill, condoms, the patch, the shot) Breasts (boobs, tits, titties, jugs, bosoms, bust) Clitoris (clit)Condom (glove, rubber, prophylactic, Trojan) Douche—We don’t know any slang terms for this one, but a douche is a device that some women use to wash out their vagina. It is not recommended. In fact, it can cause problems with infection.Ejaculation (cum . . . see orgasm) Homosexual (gay, queer, dyke, faggot/fag, lesbian, homo) Horny (blue balls, hot) Kissing (making out, sucking face, slipping the tongue) Lust (crush) Masturbation (jerk off, whack off, playing with yourself ) Menstruation (period, cycle, “aunt flo,” monthly, the curse, my little friend) Oral sex (cunnilingus, fellatio, going down, blow job) Orgasm (cum/come, climax, the Big O) Penis (dick, pecker, weenie, unit . . . and lots more!)Petting (making out, feeling up, second base, third base, hand job) Prostitute (whore, slut, skank)—A prostitute is a person who has sex for money, shelter, drugs or other “things.”Sex (sexual intercourse, coitus, making love, going all the way, doing it, doing the deed, getting laid, scoring, screwing, and yes, the f*** word) Sexual harassment (coming on too strong)Sexually transmitted infection (STD, clap, drip, herpes, crabs) Testicles (balls, nuts, the family jewels, nads) Uterus (womb) Vagina (pussy)
“Bad” Words
Did you read some words that flipped you out or made you laugh? Are you afraid that your mom is going to freak out if she reads this book now?
Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me. We know you’ve heard that old expression. It’s true, kinda. Words won’t really hurt you physically, but they can hurt your feelings and make you feel yucky about yourself.
And people use certain words that can make you, your body, your sexuality and sex seem nasty and cheap. Words themselves (even words about sex and your body) aren’t bad. It’s just that some people use words to put down what is the really beautiful, amazing and normal development of teenage bodies and sexuality.
Most of these “bad” words are about our body parts or things we do with our bodies. Why do people feel like they have to use silly or not-so-nice words to talk about things that are a normal part of life?! Can you think of some reasons people might do that? Maybe: