Use words! State your case! It will help you release your feelings even if the other person just argues back.
But what if that doesn’t really work? What if you still are boiling with emotion? First of all, if anyone hits you, bullies you over and over again or makes you feel ashamed because they talk dirty to you or touch your body in ways that make you uncomfortable, go to an adult for help! None of these things should happen to you. You deserve to be protected from this kind of bullying and abuse, and the people who do it should be stopped!
That’s the worst-case scenario. But usually your feelings overflow from a personal disagreement. Step back, get away from the situation that has you all wound up and cool down. Count to ten. Grab a piece of paper, and write down your feelings. Write a letter to yourself, a letter to the person who caused your feelings to erupt or a journal entry. Talk to someone about it. Send the letter if you want, or rip it to shreds if that feels better. Get it out and let it go, or get it out and do something to help the situation! A lot of times, just getting your feelings out with your voice or on paper can help a ton!
Need Help?
Sometimes the pain of feelings can get so bad that you may be tempted to “deaden the pain.” That’s when some girls and guys turn to alcohol and drugs to get “high” and “forget about it.” They may look for sex to feel wanted. Some may try self-mutilation (scratching, cutting or hurting yourself in other ways) to block out bad feelings with physical pain or to get rid of “numb” feelings.
What? Are you crazy? Cut myself just because I’m angry? We know that’s what some of you are thinking. But some of you may have already tried it, thought about it or know someone who has done it. It’s a painful, desperate situation and more common than we’d like to think. It can be a cry for help when you don’t know exactly how to get help. And if your friends are encouraging you to use sex, drugs, alcohol or cutting to “feel better,” they need help, too.
Find someone you trust. If not your parents, maybe a teacher, a coach, a religious leader or another adult relative. Believe it or not, they went through the exact same changes you are going through. They might be surprised, but they may have had some of the same thoughts and fought similar battles. They have most likely known someone or even helped someone dealing with the same stuff. And they can help you get the kind of help you need.
If you’re afraid to talk to an adult, ask a friend to find help for you. If you know of someone doing these things, tell an adult. Sex, drugs, alcohol and cutting are not secrets you want to keep. In fact, they are dangerous secrets to keep.How do you know when you are getting angry?
How do you express your anger?
How can you deal with your anger better?
So, What’s the Point?
So why did we have to go through the good, the bad and the ugly on friendships? The point is that everyone your age is going through the same thing. Everyone is trying to accomplish the normal and necessary task of growing up—becoming more independent from their families and figuring out who they are.
That means that there are a lot of confused and mixed-up kids roaming the halls of your school and the streets of your neighborhood. Guys and girls are growing into new bodies, changing friends, trying new things, experiencing unusual emotions, expressing themselves in interesting ways and figuring out their own feelings. Plus they are trying to figure out why everyone else is acting the way they are!
Whew! That’s a lot to do. But it explains why your best friend turns mean one day and is back to normal three days later. It explains why the boy you’ve known since preschool, the same one you played cops and robbers with in first grade and soccer with in third grade, suddenly looks “cute” to you in sixth grade. It explains why you want to crawl into your dad’s lap one day and then think he is an embarrassing dork the next.
It can be strange, but it definitely is normal. You are trying on new personalities, new friendships, new ways of thinking and figuring out where you fit in. One of the hardest parts of growing Girl Power involves learning how to be and how to find good girlfriends (and guy friends). You can’t control what your friends do or who they become, but you have the power to choose friends who bring out the best in you. So let the bad friends roll, and you rock on, girl friend !
3
Where Have All the Normal Parents Gone?
So one night your parents go to bed normal, nice, reasonable people, and the next morning they wake up random, clueless, goofy aliens. Sound familiar?
But wait a minute. Before we talk about how weird parents can seem to teenagers, let’s talk about parents in general. While the traditional family with a mom, a dad, some kids and a few pets is still strong, there are lots of other types of “parental arrangements.” Some kids are raised by a stepparent, some by a grandparent, some by only a mom and some by only a dad. Some are raised by a guardian, some by a parent and his or her “partner,” and some by other parent substitutes. Other kids have one parent for a few days a week and another parent for the other days. That means some kids are dealing with four “parent types” on a regular basis!
The possibilities for parental arrangements seem endless, but do you get the picture? Parents come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They can be wrinkled grandmas, necktie-wearing salespeople or entrepreneurs with an office in the basement. They can be blood relatives, adoptive parents, family members by marriage or foster parents.
So when we talk about parents,we want you to envision the adults in your life who sign your permission slips. They are the people who buy you food, clothing, shelter and the occasional movie ticket. They discipline you, love you and protect you. If you don’t have the traditional family of mom, dad, brother, sister, Fido . . . you are definitely not alone, and all this parent talk still applies to you. When we say “parents” or “mom” or “dad,” you can read that however it fits in your life.
And now back to the topic we’ve all been waiting for—clueless parents!
Ch-Ch-Changes
Okay, we know that preteen and teenager brains and bodies are changing. But what about parents? Do they seem to be morphing into more nagging, embarrassing, uninformed beings every day? Is it them? Is it you? Let’s settle this issue fair and square . . . quiz time! Check “T” or “F.”
TF