One evening after everyone else had gone to bed, the two of them were left in the living room, in their PJs, watching a film on one of the satellite channels. When the film ended—and poor Tariq hadn’t taken any of it in, since he was so engrossed in what he intended to say to Sadeem—he turned to her, whispering the name by which he was accustomed to call her.
“Demi?”
“Yes?”
“There’s something I want to talk to you about, but I don’t know how to start.”
“Why don’t you know how to start? Nothing’s wrong, is it? I hope not.”
“Well, for me it’s all good, but I don’t know what you will think about it.”
“I hope it’s good. Just spell it out and get it over with. There are no formalities between us, right?”
“Okay. I’ll just say it straight out, and God give me strength. Demi, we’ve known each other for a very long time, haven’t we? Since we were little, when you used to visit us on holidays, I always looked at you, a lot, and what I saw was the lovely girl with soft hair and pink hair band. The little girl who dressed prettier than any other girl and didn’t want to play with boys. Do you remember how I used to fight with the other kids when they annoyed you? And if I went to the grocery shop I wouldn’t take any girl with me except you so I could buy you what you wanted? We were still kids, I know, but by God I loved you even then!
“When we got a little older, I loved being around you and my sisters whenever you came to visit us, even though I was always the only boy sitting with your small group of girls. I know it didn’t look so great, my being there, but the only thing I cared about was being near you in the hours you spent with us! Can you believe it? I wouldn’t bring my sisters ice cream unless you were there! My sisters got to the point where if they wanted me to bring them something they would say to me, ‘Hmm, we wonder if Sadeem is coming tonight!’
“All this and I knew that you didn’t love me the way I loved you. Maybe you played along a little bit to be nice to me, and maybe you were happy that I was interested in you, and you had the right to feel that way, of course. I would say to myself, She’s got every reason! And what would she love in you anyway? Not handsome, no degree, no money, chubby figure, there’s nothing in you that would attract her, except the fact that you’re crazy about her.
“The day they accepted me in the College of Dentistry in Riyadh, I was in ecstasy! Do you know why? First, because you might respect me more if I became a doctor, a dentist in fact, and second, because I was going to live in Riyadh, where you lived. I could visit you and I could get to know your dad better, so that maybe he would invite me over every day and I could see you.
“When Waleed asked for your hand, I felt like everything collapsed at once! I couldn’t propose to you like he did because I was still a student with no income. My mother told me your father would never turn down the son of Al-Shari in favor of me, the kid son of your aunt, who hadn’t even finished college. Your engagement and milkah periods were absolutely the most horrible times in my life. I felt I had lost every single dream that I’ve had for myself. And then, after you split up with Waleed, the world smiled at me again! I wanted to open the subject with you quickly. I intended to propose to you as soon as possible, but I couldn’t, because right away you went off to London.”
Sadeem’s face was fixed in astonishment as Tariq went on. “When you came back, I noticed you were avoiding me whenever I came to visit, and you wouldn’t answer my phone calls. When I saw that, I said to myself: This girl clearly doesn’t love you. She can’t even stand you! Stay away from her and leave her alone.
“And I really did stay away. But, and God is witness to my words, I didn’t forget you for a single day. You were always on my mind and I resolved to wait for fate to bring us together.
“After your father died, I felt I wanted to be at your side, but I couldn’t. I knew that my mother wanted to bring you here and that you didn’t agree. There was something inside me telling me that the real reason you were refusing to move here was me.
“The day you came, I vowed to myself that I was not going to bother you. I was going to do whatever it takes to cheer you up, but keeping my distance so that you wouldn’t feel like I was exploiting your presence in my home in order to win you over. Even my mother—I warned her not to talk to you about my feelings. She knows how much I love you and she has always longed to get us engaged, sooner rather than later. But I wanted to make sure you’d agree first so I wouldn’t embarrass her in front of you or you in front of her.
“Now it’s been a year and a half that we’ve been here together. I graduated—you know all of that—and finished my internship and I’ve submitted my papers and I’m waiting for a job or a scholarship to specialize abroad. To tell you the truth, my university professors have offered me a teaching assistant position in one of their divisions, but the problem is that if I take it I’ll be sent abroad within a few months, and I just can’t go away until I know what my fate is with you. If we get engaged, I have to get your agreement about this business of traveling, especially since you’re working here and I don’t know if you would want to come with me or not.
“So what I mean is, if travel doesn’t suit you, I can get a job here in any hospital or dental office and drop the idea of doing my residency abroad. But if you are not meant to be mine, I will take that job offer. With me away you won’t have to feel any embarrassment or unease about turning me down; I’ll be away for three, maybe four years, and by the time I get back I’m sure you will be married to somebody else. Demi, I want to be sure you understand that my request isn’t going to affect your living in this house or feeling settled here. I’m not pressuring you, sweetie. It’s up to you, and you have complete freedom to make whatever decision you want to.”
Finally Sadeem was able to say something:
“But Tariq. Sure, we are close, but we were never close in a way that would mean I could make a decision like this! There are a lot of things you don’t know about me, and there’s a lot I don’t know about you.”
“Sadeem, it’s impossible that anything could change the love that’s been in my heart since I was little. But, of course, you have the right to know whatever you want about me. Ask me all the questions you want answered and I’ll give you the answers, about anything at all!”
“You don’t want to know, for instance, the reason behind the breakup between Waleed and me? Or the reason I didn’t pay a lot of attention to you, specially in the last four years?”
“The reason behind the breakup between Waleed and you was that he’s completely insane! Is there anyone with a brain who would sacrifice Sadeem Al-Horaimli for any reason? Demi, I know you, and I know your roots and how you were raised, and that’s enough for me to trust you. If you want to tell me the reason, that’s up to you, but demanding it is not my right, not at all. You didn’t have any obligation to me in your life before, so that I have no right to ask you about anything that happened then; even those years when you were avoiding me, when I figured you probably had a relationship with someone—they don’t mean a thing to me. What’s important to me is our life together from now on, I mean if God has decreed it. About myself, I’m prepared to sit and tell you everything that has happened in my life since the day I was born until this morning! Although there isn’t much to say. But I will tell you, for instance, which ones do I prefer, the girls of the eastern region or the girls of Najd. The girls of Khobar or the girls of Riyadh.”