He shook his head. They drove by the George Washington Bridge, its skeleton black against the sky. Torn banners fluttered from the girders.
“I’m not carrying a fucking torch.” Jack stared up at a defaced billboard, advertising GFI’s e-service:
“It’s just—I can be with him, you know?” Jack went on. “I can see him and get pissed at him and laugh at him and all the rest, it doesn’t bother me at all. But sometimes, if I think of him… sometimes it’s just hard. Even though it was so long ago. Because it was different then,” he ended awkwardly. “Leonard was different.”
“It was all different,” said Jule. He pounded his useless horn again and passed the bus, empty whiskey bottles rattling across the floor. “We’re talking about a whole new ball game, Jackie. And you oughta get a new first baseman.” He took one hand from the wheel, reached beneath the seat, and pulled out a bright pink plastic Thermos with a straw sticking out of it. “Twenty years is a long time to wait to fall in love again.”
“I mind my own fucking business about your drinking. So why don’t you—”
“Oh, I don’t know about that.” Jule stuck the Thermos between his legs. “Didn’t sound like you were minding your own business back at Lazyland. But listen, I didn’t mean to give you a hard time. I’m sorry, Jackie.” He shot Jack an abject look. “Really I am—”
“For Christ’s sakes, Jule, keep your eyes on the road—”
Jule grinned and stomped on the gas. They roared up an exit ramp, down a side street and onto the Harlem River Drive. “What shit is this?” bellowed Jule.
Traffic was at a standstill. Ragged children darted between cars, throwing themselves across the hoods to snap off windshield wipers and run away before an enraged driver could shoot at them. From overhead fell a thick rain of black ash. Jack coughed. His stomach knotted. Jule turned on the wipers; they swept across the glass, leaving broad grey streaks. Then, miraculously, traffic inched forward again. The ash disappeared, as though they had driven clear of a snow squall, though a poisonous chemical reek now battled the odor of Scotch inside the car.
“Relax, Jack,” said Jule as they crept along. “You’d need a bazooka to blast in here.” He belted back another mouthful of whiskey, held the Thermos out to Jack.
“Yeah, well, I think that guy has one.” Jack ignored the Thermos and pointed at a Cadillac wrapped with so much razor wire it was difficult to imagine where or how the driver could gain entry. “Jesus.”
“These kids, they’ll smash your window with a baseball bat and kill you, just for grins. Remember back when it was just washing your windows?”
“I hated that.”
“Everyone hated it. That’s why they kill us now.”
Jack’s gut tightened.
“Goddamn it, Jule,” he gasped. Outside a girl with very black skin and filed teeth held up a broken rearview mirror. He had a glimpse of his own face, sunken cheeks and wide eyes like some demonic mask. “Let’s go back—”
“No, no, no.” Ahead of them a gap opened in traffic. Jule veered the car onto a side street, bouncing over a pile of railroad ties that had once formed part of a barricade. “See? We got through. Now if I can just figure out where the hell” we are…”
Jack stared desolately out the window. “Riverside Drive?”
“Riverside Drive is the river now, Jackie-boy. Okay, I think this’ll work—” With a shriek of brakes the car made another turn. They were in an even narrower alley, slick with filth. To either side rose deserted grey buildings, their crumbling concrete walls smeared with graffiti: stick figures, crude faces; hands and breasts and dicks. No words, except for a warning stenciled over and over in grimy white paint.
Only the uppermost stories had windows, black squares empty of glass. There were a few sad remnants of habitation. A towel hung out to dry into a dirty yellow stalactite; a plastic poinsettia; a child’s shoe atop a pile of broken glass. Jack couldn’t imagine what catastrophe would have driven people from that awful place to the worse horrors of the street.
“It’s terrible, isn’t it?” murmured Jule. The Range Rover crawled forward, its barbed wire scraping menacingly across the broken walls. “I think this is one of those projects where the children all got that virus and died. They had to evacuate, then they ran out of money to clean it up. Nice, huh?”
Jule blinked, as though they had driven into sunlight, and went on. “It’s funny. You never know just how horrible anything can be, until you have a child die. Anyone at all in the world, doesn’t matter who—something like that happens, the only person can understand is someone else who lost their kid. The Final Club. We all join that one, sooner or later. But this club is tougher to get into, Jackie. Too goddamn fucking tough.”
Jule grabbed the plastic Thermos, sucked at it until a gurgle sounded. He swore and tossed it behind him. His eyes grew cloudy, as though filling with some opaque liquid. He muttered, nothing Jack could understand.
“Jule?” he asked.
A bottle shattered beneath the Range Rover’s wheels. A few yards ahead the alley grew dark. A dead end; but the car kept moving. Jule’s face was grey, his eyes set with the calm that precedes drunken rage.
Jack glanced around. What the fuck is going on? In the back he saw a folding snow shovel, what looked like a plastic bag full of dirt. Ghastly scenarios flashed through his mind—Jule pulling a gun on him, Emma bashed across the head with a shovel and buried somewhere in Putnam County…
“Uh, Jule? I think this is a dead end…”
Jule smiled. His foot tapped the gas pedal; the car surged forward, into the shadows. Jack sat beside him, clutching at his seat.
Oh fuck this is it—
Only instead of slamming into concrete, the Range Rover nosed into what proved to be not a wall or a building, but an immense pile of garbage, perhaps ten feet high. Plywood, broken chairs, window frames, plastic trash bags… the car plowed through them all, until with a heart-stopping lurch it shot out onto Lenox Avenue.
“Hey hey hey,” said Jule. He reached under his seat and withdrew another plastic bottle, this one emblazoned with a Barbie logo. He popped it open and took a long pull. “Used to be a good Ethiopian restaurant around here. Christ, Jack, what’s the matter? You look terrible.”
Jack ran a hand across his forehead. His fingers were icy. “Listen, Jule, I really don’t feel very good. Can’t you take me back?”
“No.”
“Okay.” Jack swallowed. His tongue felt coated with bitter dust. “How long is this going to take?”
“Not long. The studio’s down at the Pyramid. I’ll leave you in the car so we don’t have to hassle about parking. I’ll be in and—”
“I am not waiting in this fucking car.”
Jule shrugged. “Suit yourself.”
They drove in silence for a long time. There was surprisingly little traffic, considering it was the holiday season and most driving restrictions were lifted. The usual mess of taxis and buses; robust-looking vehicles—pickups, Jeeps, Range Rovers and Land Rovers—commandeered by drivers wealthy enough to afford gas and parking; astonishingly dilapidated old American cars crowded with what appeared to be three or four generations’ worth of families, all moving slowly but steadily toward midtown. Water was everywhere, sluicing in a strong current down either side of the street and forming whirlpools above sewer grates and spots where manhole covers had been removed. The sky had darkened from yellow to a tigerish orange. It made the water look molten, the silhouetted buildings like columns of smoke. Jack thought of people fleeing Pompeii beneath the lowering cone of Vesuvius.