I moved a few feet toward him. "How's that again?" I didn't quite snarl.
"I said, ‘Do you want a shave?' Or are you growing a beard?"
I had been uneasily aware of my face cactus while I was debating whether or not to attempt criminal assault, and that unease had helped to stop me—Gillette, Aqua Velva, Burma Shave, et al., have made the browbeaten American male, namely me, timid about attempting seduction and/or rape unless freshly planed off. And I had a two-day growth.
"I don't have a razor," I called back.
He answered by holding up a straight razor.
Star moved up beside me. She reached up and tried my chin between thumb and forefinger. "You would be majestic in a beard," she said. "Perhaps a Van Dyke, with sneering mustachios."
I thought so too, if she thought so. Besides, it would cover most of that scar. "Whatever you say. Princess."
"But I would rather that you stayed as I first saw you. Rufo is a good barber." She turned toward him. "A hand, Rufo. And my towel."
Star walked back toward the camp, toweling herself dry—I would have been glad to help, if asked. Rufo said tiredly, "Why didn't you assert yourself? But She says to shave you, so now I've got to—and rush through my own bath, too, so She won't be kept waiting."
"If you've got a mirror, I'll do it myself."
"Ever used a straight razor?"
"No, but I can learn."
"You'd cut your throat, and She wouldn't like that. Over here on the bank where I can stand in the warm water. No, no! Don't sit on it, lie down with your head at the edge. I can't shave a man who's sitting up." He started working lather into my chin.
"You know why? I learned how on corpses, that's why, making them pretty so that their loved ones would be proud of them. Hold still! You almost lost an ear. I like to shave corpses; they can't complain, they don't make suggestions, they don't talk back—and they always hold still. Best job I ever had. But now you take this job—" He stopped with the blade against my Adam's apple and started counting his troubles.
"Do I get Saturday off? Hell, I don t even get Sunday off! And look at the hours! Why, I read just the other day that some outfit in New York—You've been in New York?"
"I've been in New York. And get that guillotine away from my neck while you're waving your hands like that."
"You keep talking, you're bound to get a little nick now and then. This outfit signed a contract for a twenty-five hour week. Week! I'd like to settle for a twenty-five hour day. You know how long I've been on the go, right this minute?"
I said I didn't.
"There, you talked again. More than seventy hours or I'm a liar! And for what? Glory? Is there glory in a little heap of whitened bones? Wealth? Oscar, I'm telling you the truth; I've laid out more corpses than a sultan has concubines and never a one of them cared a soggy pretzel whether they were bedecked in rubies the size of your nose and twice as red...or rags. What use is wealth to a dead man? Tell me, Oscar, man to man while She can't hear: Why did you ever let Her talk you into this?"
"I'm enjoying it, so far."
He sniffed. "That's what the man said as be passed the fiftieth floor of the Empire State Building. But the sidewalk was waiting for him, just the same. However," he added darkly, "until you settle with Igli, it's not a problem. If I had my kit, I could cover that scar so perfectly that everybody would say, ‘Doesn't he look natural?' "
"Never mind. She likes that scar." (Damn it, he had me doing it!)
"She would. What I'm trying to get over is, if you walk the Glory Road, you are certain to find mostly rocks. But I never chose to walk it. My idea of a nice way to live would be a quiet little parlor, the only one in town, with a selection of caskets, all prices, and a markup that allowed a little leeway to show generosity to the bereaved. Installment plans for those with the foresight to do their planning in advance—for we all have to die, Oscar, we all have to die, and a sensible man might as well sit down over a friendly glass of beer and make his plans with a well-established firm he can trust."
He leaned confidentially over me. "Look, milord Oscar...if by any miracle we get through this alive, you could put in a good word for me with Her. Make Her see that I'm too old for the Glory Road. I can do a lot to make your remaining days comfortable and pleasant...if your intentions toward me are comradely."
"Didn't we shake on it?"
"Ah, yes, so we did." He sighed. "One for all and all for one, and Pikes Peak or Bust. You're done."
It was still light and Star was in her tent when we got back—and my clothes were laid out. I started to object when I saw them but Rufo said firmly, "She said ‘informal' and that means black tie."
I managed everything, even the studs (which were amazing big black pearls), and that tuxedo either had been tailored for me or it had been bought off the rack by someone who knew my height, weight, shoulders, and waist. The label inside the jacket read The English House, Copenhagen.
But the tie whipped me. Rufo showed up while I was struggling with it, had me lie down (I didn't ask why) and tied it in a jiffy. "Do you want your watch, Oscar?"
"My watch?" So far as I knew it was in a doctors examining room in Nice. "You have it?"
"Yes, sir. I fetched everything of yours but your"—he shuddered—"clothes."
He was not exaggerating. Everything was there, not only the contents of my pockets but the contents of my American Express deposit box: cash, passport, I.D., et cetera, even those Change Alley Sweepstakes tickets.
I started to ask how he had gotten into my lockbox but decided not to. He had had the key and it might have been something as simple as a fake letter of authority. Or as complex as his magical black box. I thanked him and he went back to his cooking.
I started to throw that stuff away, all but cash and passport. But one can't be a litterbug in a place as beautiful as the Singing Waters. My sword belt had a leather pouch on it; I stuffed it in there, even the watch, which had stopped.
Rufo had set up a table in front of Star's dainty tent and rigged a light from a tree over it and set candles on the table. It was dark before she came out...and waited. I finally realized that she was waiting for my arm. I led her to her place and seated her and Rufo seated me. He was dressed in a plum-colored footman's uniform.
The wait for Star had been worth it; she was dressed in the green gown she had offered to model for me earlier. I still don't know that she used cosmetics but she looked not at all like the lusty Undine who had been ducking me an hour earlier. She looked as if she should be kept under glass. She looked like Liza Doolittle at the Ball.
"Dinner in Rio" started to play, blending with the Singing Waters.
White wine with fish, rose wine with fowl, red wine with roast—Star chatted and smiled and was witty. Once Rufo, while bending over to me to serve, whispered, "The condemned ate heartily." I told him to go to hell out of the corner of my mouth.
Champagne with the sweet and Rufo solemnly presented the bottle for my approval. I nodded. What would he have done if I had turned it down? Offered another vintage? Napolean with coffee. And cigarettes.
I had been thinking about cigarettes all day. These were Benson & Hedges No. 5...and I had been smoking those black French things to save money.
While we were smoking, Star congratulated Rufo on the dinner and he accepted her compliments gravely and I seconded them. I still don't know who cooked that hedonistic meal. Rufo did much of it but Star may have done the hard parts while I was being shaved.
After an unhurried happy time, sitting over coffee and brandy with the overhead light doused and only a single candle gleamed on her jewels and lighting her face. Star made a slight movement back from the table and I got up quickly and showed her to her tent. She stopped at its entrance. "Milord Oscar—"