Kane tightened his grip on the balcony railing, choosing not to wonder why he cared, or why it sickened him to see that slimeball holding Miranda’s hand. This wasn’t jealousy, and it certainly wasn’t self-sacrifice-he wasn’t planning to risk his own standing with Jackson to protect Miranda from her own mistakes.
But he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Kane, who had always believed his only responsibility was to have fun and his only obligation was to himself, felt responsible for the situation. Obligated to Miranda.
To Miranda, of all people.
She was a good friend. She was, on the whole, more tolerable to be around than nearly anyone he knew. She let him get away with anything-though never without a sharp rebuke that cut deeper than she knew. And, clueless or not, she didn’t deserve Jackson.
Staging a rescue attempt would be totally inconvenient-and, for all he knew, unwelcome. But it was also the right thing to do.
There was just one problem: Kane had wide variety of skills, talents, and areas of expertise.
Doing the right thing definitely wasn’t one of them.
Chapter 7
As soon as she stepped outside the club, Beth realized she had no idea how to get back to the hotel. They’d driven over in Star la’s car, and she didn’t have enough cash on her for a taxi. Even if she could get a cab driver to take her to a bank and wait while she hit the ATM, there wouldn’t be much point: Her tiny savings account was even emptier than usual. She’d drained it for gas and food money, figuring this trip would be worth it.
After all, now that she’d decided to take college off the table, what was the point in saving her money? What was she saving it for?
Emergencies, perhaps. Like this one.
A screeching crowd of girls burst out of the bar, slamming into Beth as they charged toward the street. She stumbled backward, catching herself just before she fell.
“Watch yourself!” a tall, skinny girl in knee-high leather boots yelled. “You’re in the way!”
That part, she’d already figured out.
Maybe she could walk back. Beth knew this wasn’t like home, where everything was within a couple miles of everything else. It could take all night-but she had nowhere else to be. Nor was she in any particular hurry to get back to the hotel room, because then she’d have to address the question: What next? Reed would have to return eventually. (Beth tried to ignore the persistent voice in her head pointing out that, no, Reed didn’t have to come back-not if he got a better offer.)
Unable to decide and unwilling to turn back, she stood in front of the bar, watching the traffic crawl by.
She didn’t hear his footsteps behind her, but she recognized his voice when he whispered her name. She still flinched when he put his arms around her and leaned his chin on her shoulder.
“What’s going on?” Reed asked. His hair brushed against her neck. “Where’d you go?”
Beth didn’t know how to answer. Now that she had to put it into words, her fears seemed ridiculous.
“I’m not feeling well,” she lied.
“So you leave without saying good-bye?” He turned her around to face him. Their noses were almost touching. “How were you going to get back?”
Beth shrugged.
“What’s really going on?”
She looked away. “Nothing.”
He took her chin and tipped her face up so she couldn’t avoid his dark eyes. “Tell me.”
Beth took a deep breath. “When I saw you with her, I just thought-”
With both hands, Reed, smoothed down her hair, then pressed her head against his chest. His T-shirt was so old and worn that the cotton felt like skin. “I’m sorry.”
Her eyes widened. She’d been expecting denials, laughter, maybe even ridicule. Anything but a simple apology. Guys didn’t work that way. “For what?”
“For making you think that anything could ever-”
“She’s just so much more… like you,” Beth said weakly, wondering why she was encouraging the idea. “She-she fits in. And I…”
“You fit,” Reed assured her. “Here.” He laced his arms around her waist and held tight.
“That’s not what I mean,” Beth protested.
“But that’s what matters.” When she didn’t answer him, he ran a hand through his tangles of black curls. “Look. I know I don’t…” He pressed his lips together and closed his eyes. When he opened them, she realized she could see her reflection. “All this-” He waved his arm at the club, the people, and, somewhere inside, Star la. “You’re right, it’s me. And you’re different. But that’s why… You make me want to be different, you know? You make me think I can be better, that, like, I should be better. And…” He rubbed his hand against her back in a slow, soft circle. “You get that there’s something else, something beside all this. I don’t have to be anyone for you. All these people? They think they know, but they don’t get it. They don’t get me. You do.”
It was the most he’d ever said to her at once. She tipped her head up to him, but before she could respond, he leaned down and kissed her. She closed her eyes, and the world beyond his lips disappeared.
“This is what I want,” Reed told her. “You. Believe me?”
Beth realized she did. And always had. Reed was so open about everything. He never did anything he didn’t want to do, he never shaded the truth, and he never broke his word.
And that was the problem. Because Beth could never tell the real truth, and everything she said and did, every kiss, every smile was a lie. She didn’t deserve to be with Reed, the one person in the world who had the most reason to hate her, but she was too weak to push him away. At the beginning, Beth had promised herself that she would end this before she got in too deep. But she’d let it go on, and now she couldn’t imagine how she would make it through a day without Reed. He couldn’t ever find out about her ever-present misery; but she couldn’t survive it without him.
She was too much of a coward to let him go. But if he’d done it for her, she realized, that would have been it. An easy way out. If he had pushed her aside for Star la, it would have destroyed her-but at least it would all be over, and she would no longer need to pretend to be happy or ignore the suffocating guilt.
She had wanted her suspicions to come true, wanted him to cheat on her. It would have been hard, but not as hard as telling the truth. This way-the Star la way-she could have just slipped out the back and faded from his life. No messy scenes, no recriminations, no admissions. No pain.
“Beth?” he asked again when she didn’t answer. “Do you believe me?”
She couldn’t trust herself to speak, so she just nodded.
“Come back to the hotel with me,” he suggested. “Let’s forget this whole shitty day ever happened, and start over. Okay?”
I don’t deserve you, she wanted to say. I deserve to stay here, walking the streets, alone and miserable. I deserve to be alone forever.
But she was weak. Too weak to confess her crime, too terrified to face her punishment. So she nodded again, and took his hand.
Kane had orchestrated his share of schemes, but he wasn’t used to sneaking around to carry them out. He’d always preferred the bold lie to the snoop and spy-but in this case, it couldn’t be helped. Miranda wasn’t answering her cell, and if Jackson caught sight of him, the deal could be thrown into jeopardy. So Kane was reduced to stalking from afar.