‘Of course,’ I said. ‘This city could only be built on myths and magic.’
‘And blood, empire, and the money of tourists.’
I stared down the Grand Canal, looking at the water. For the first time in a long time I thought of David. I knew. I could feel it physically; a knot in my belly.
I remember what he told me: ‘I’ll sail around the world. I’ll meet a girl and we’ll make our home by the sea – a place where the sea is everything, where it changes people.’
I knew there was no other place he would be other than this floating city.
‘You knew what you were doing, bringing me here,’ I said.
I smiled. For the first time in weeks I smiled, and he smiled back and took my hand.
‘I knew you would love Venice,’ he said.
But at that moment, it wasn’t Venice I loved.
Chapter 12
London, 30 November 2011
I emerge from Tim’s room in the early evening and join Tim, Ben, Sam, and Mahler, who had already been through for his dinner. Mahler rushes to greet me as I sit at the table.
‘Have a good sleep, old lady?’
I nod and laugh as Mahler puts his paws on my lap and licks furiously at my face.
‘I missed you too,’ I say.
I snuffle into Mahler’s fur, breathing in his smell. Tim makes me some tea and Ben tells me about his journey down. I sit at the table, listening to Ben’s voice, glad to feel part of a big family again.
‘Aye, so it wis a right bastard of a journey. I’m no saying she wis an actual Nazi, but she definitely had fascist leanings.’
‘What?’ I say. ‘Who’s a Nazi?’
‘That woman on the train.’
‘What woman?’
‘Have ye no been listening?’ Ben says, rolling his eyes and turning to Tim as he sits down, placing biscuits on the table. ‘Away wi’ the fairies – has she always been like that?’
Tim laughs and says, ‘She was always in her own world.’
I look at them both, past and present coming together, so I say, ‘The woman was a fascist?’
Ben looks at me, then says, ‘Aye – she didnae like it one bit when Mahler and Sam were up on the seats. It’s not as if anyone else needed them, she wis just being snooty and said they were dirty and should be on the floor.’
‘You’re not dirty, are you Mahler?’ I say, ruffling his ears.
‘She made a big stink about it and the conductor said they had to go on the floor or we’d have to get off at the next stop. So I made that woman’s life a misery – I let off some awful farts, then I blamed her, saying she wis the one causing a stink, which wis the truth of the matter. She just tutted. There’s nothing worse than a tutter. I bashed into her as I went to the loo and she spilled her drink on herself. She got the conductor again, but I pleaded persecution, saying she wis a nasty dog hater and wis trying to get me thrown off. Eventually he just took her to a different carriage – upgraded her to first class, so I bet she wis happy with that.’
Tim laughs and says, ‘Good for you.’
‘Aye, it wis good, until hordes got on the train and then the delays. A bastard of a journey.’
‘I’m glad you came, Ben,’ I say. ‘I really missed you.’
‘It wis boring without ye. Though, these two kept me on ma toes.’
‘I bet they did.’
‘How did you two meet?’ asks Tim and I clatter my mug onto the table.
‘She stole ma spot,’ says Ben.
‘He doesn’t want to know about that,’ I say.
Ben frowns at me, ‘Well that’s how we met and that’s what he asked – I had a begging spot and I came back to find she’d stolen it. So I told her tae get tae fuck but she wasnae listenin – too busy hugging Sam, the wee traitor.’
I get up and go to the kitchen counter, turning up the radio.
‘She wis crying and snottin all over him’, says Ben, ‘but he wis lapping up the attention so I just sat next to them and let her cry into his fur. She dried up and Sam fell asleep in her arms.’
‘I remember,’ I say, swaying to the music. ‘“Look, lady,” you said, “we’ve all got our sob stories, but this is ma spot.”’
‘Aye, that’s right. But ye just ignored me and asked about Sam. Before I knew it I wis telling ye our sob story. She wis deflecting,’ says Ben, turning back to Tim, ‘away from the situation of ma spot.’
‘I wasn’t there for long,’ I say.
‘Aye, ye had tae go get medication for yer wife.’
I nod, looking down at Mahler who’d followed me. I stroke his head.
‘Her wife wis sick,’ says Ben to Tim, ‘but I didnae find that out till later. From then on, though, we were pals. Eh, old lady?’
Red Queen wanders through, jumps up on the counter and meows at me. I scoop her up and hold her, swaying together.
‘She’d bring me coffee and her freshly baked banana cake – that wis the good shit, I’m telling ye. And I helped her too, taking old man Monty – that wis her dog before Mahler – for walks when she had to stay in with her wife.’
‘I couldn’t have managed without you, Ben,’ I say, listening to Red Queen’s purring.
‘Dinnae get soppy on me, old lady.’
I smile and look over at him. He winks, raising his mug to me.
I put Red Queen down and scoop some food into a bowl for her. I sit back at the table and Ben shifts round in his chair, stares at Tim, and says, ‘So, what’s yer story, lizard man?’
‘He’s not a lizard,’ I say, ‘he’s a Fish Boy.’
‘Not anymore,’ says Tim.
‘They’re some tattoos,’ says Ben. ‘Got them all over?’
Tim nods and says, ‘Goblin and I would get tattoos in every city we stopped in.’
‘What circus tricks did ye do?’
‘I was “Fish Boy, Wonder of the Deep” in Freaks and Wonders. I’d swim in a tank and show people my webbed fingers as Goblin told my story.’
‘She’s a good storyteller, our G.’
‘That she is.’
‘How long did ye work together?’
‘Until we split up.’
‘Ye were a couple?’
‘We were.’
‘I thought ye were a lezza, old lady.’
Tim and I laugh and Ben says, ‘What’s so funny?’
‘Nothing,’ I say.
‘So did ye turn lezza after him?’ says Ben. ‘No offence,’ he says to Tim.
I laugh and shake my head.
‘I’m not gay,’ I say, stroking Mahler’s ear. ‘Or straight.’
‘Bi then?’
I shrug and say, ‘Maybe.’
‘Maybe? What kinda answer is that?’
‘What does it matter what I am?’
Ben looks at me for a moment then says, ‘Dunno, old lady. I guess it doesn’t.’
Red Queen slinks over to me and jumps on my lap. Ben feeds Sam a biscuit under the table and says, ‘So how long were ye in the circus?’
‘I left in sixty-seven. I went to live in Venice.’
‘Why’d ye leave?’
I say nothing and stare down at Red Queen, stroking her head, her eyes half-closed in contentment.
‘She was seduced by Venice,’ says Tim.
‘I’ve never been to Venice,’ says Ben.
‘It’s beautiful,’ I say, ‘but full of tourists. All the residents are being driven out.’
‘Aye, it’s getting that way in Edinburgh.’
I nod and say, ‘I’m going to take Mahler for a walk.’
‘Sure, old lady.’
‘You alright?’ asks Tim.
‘I’m fine.’
‘I was going to rustle up some pasta.’
‘Sounds good. I won’t be long.’
I take Red Queen off my lap and place her on my chair. Turning to Ben I say, ‘Do you want me to take Sam?’
‘Aye. Thanks, old lady.’
As I walk down the hall with Mahler and Sam I hear Ben say, ‘So what wis old G like when she wis young?’