I knew people, many of whom were serving sentences for violations of the passport regime. Therefore, it was not easy for me to move from one area to another. The island, being considered closed for many years, could not withstand the pressure of new political publicity, and opened its doors.
However, Sakhalin, which seemed to never open its doors, under no circumstances, with the coming to power of Mikhail Gorbachev, the island's doors could not withstand the pressure of the so-called policy of perestroika and glasnost, at last it wide opened. In addition, Sakhalin was elected as a free economic zone, which attracted many foreign investors from the countries of the Asian Pacific region.
No sooner had the island been proclaimed a free economic zone than a stream of foreigners rushed there so that it was impossible to stop them. Only could God do that! Together with them are the Protestant missionaries.
Once after the daily work was done I came home to find many guests whose faces I did not know. At first, I could not understand what was going on in my house. Why are so many guests gathered at our home? What brought them to our house, I was very interested to know. It turns out later I learned from my mother that the missionary guests came from South Korea.
That's how it got all started. As soon as I open the door, a tall missionary approaches me, his height was less than 2 meters. Although I was not familiar with the guest, he spoke as if we knew each other well. He began by saying that I need to believe in God and repent of my sin, then I can go to heaven. Frankly speaking, I did not like their approach, as they imposed their idea on me to accept Christ. They were completely unfamiliar to me, how I could trust them. On the one hand, I was glad to see them, because the room was filled with a warm atmosphere, which we lacked, but on the other hand, I was not ready to accept what they imposed on me. In order not to offend them, I pretended to accept their offer, and behaved appropriately. However at the start, I wanted to observe them for who they are. The first impression they made on me was pleasant and inspiring. As far as spiritual life is concerned, I saw the purity of their hearts and zeal to evangelize, in contrast to other faiths. They began to gain some attention with their sincerity like a magnet. And I thought that maybe through them I would be able to fulfill my dream – to go to Korea.
I had a big selfish plan for the future, to fulfill my father's will to go to Korea.
As a child, I remember my father during his paycheck, came home drunk, and harassed us with his own conditions – who are you going to live with? Naturally, we answered him with mother. In response to this, he got cross at us l and behaved very aggressively, and it happened that he forced us to undress to our underpants, and kicked us out the door despite its cold outside whether in summer or in winter. It was tolerable in summer because it was not cold, but in winter it was unbearably cold, so we answered that we would go with him. Then suddenly he became soft and nice that invited us into the house by taking care of us with food and talked about his homeland. He said that he was on Sakhalin not of his own free will; he was forced to come when he was 20 years old by the Japanese authorities. The Japanese gave severe orders to young Koreans who had not yet turned 20 when they were forcibly mobilized to serve in the army of Japanese imperialism. Listening to him for hours, we ourselves did not notice how the dream was sown in our souls. From that moment, my brother and I only thought about how to leave for the homeland of our ancestors. Only in order to fulfill my father's will, I did not get married there while almost all my friends got married and have children.
In order to fulfill my father's will, I did everything so that they would be impressed by me. Initially I went to church formally, but inside I was far from God. Generally I was not interested in God at all; all I wanted to do was to fulfill my dream. From my point of view, I could not believe in God, because he is invisible. Therefore in order to please our guests, I did everything they demanded of me, and I myself pretended to be a believer. Even though I would go to church, my life remains as it was. In fact, I had been obedient and tried to please them with everything. However inside of me I remain the same- no transformation involved. However, my life at that point did not differ from the life of my friends. I also continued to keep up with the world, follow new trends. One leg was in the church and the other in the world. Every Sunday I go to church, but on weekdays, I also play cards and enjoy the beer. Unlike my friends, I didn't really like vodka, but I was a fond of the beer. Usually, my friend and I liked to drink beer after the bath, moreover, a lot with a mountain of fish being served (smelt) on the table. Sometimes, we could drink so much with him that we could barely move our legs. Apparently God was not pleased with my double standard life, he decides to impact me. In fact, I kept telling people that I believe in God, but in reality my heart was way too far from the truth. In order to change me, God decided to teach me a lesson, and he started following me. After God intervened in my life, suddenly strange events began to occur in my life, in which I have had to feel remorse. More than likely, God began to work in my life, crushing me into an image that he wants me to be The most interesting thing is that when I was a godless, no matter what evil I have done or lied to people I felt no remorse. From that experience I learned a great lesson that my life was led by evil. I belonged to the god of this world so God did not pay special attention to me. It turns out that I was a child of darkness and wrath, so he did not need to interfere with me at all. In the Holy Scriptures there are many cases how God intervened with his chosen people, but he did not pay attention to other nations. Therefore when I was a godless, I was a child of darkness, I did not sense God and lived as I wished. My spirit was dead, but God revived it. If God does not interfere in people's life, it means that people belong to the power of darkness. This is my conclusion based on the experience of my spiritual life. Whether agree with me or not, my statement is true. As it is written in Romans:“There is not one righteous;
11 there is no one who understands; no one seeks God; Romans 3
And just as they did not care to have God in their minds, God gave them up to a perverse mind – to do lewdness.
I know this from my experience when I lived by the will of the god of this world, nothing like this wonderful thing happened in my life. However, after I accepted Jesus into my heart, having learned the truth that was revealed in the light of Christ, life went in a completely different direction.
What happened was, then the other night I get back, I stay up all night because of guilty conscience. I spent all night in getting on my knees by repenting of my sin. I cried out to God for help to get rid of the torment of guilty conscience.
I have been under the fire of conscience for a week. Technically I can't find the words, what I went through then, and I don't even want to flash back to that night. No one will ever understand me without being in my place. I was lost and desperate to struggle with myself to get out. Lots of bad thoughts crossed my mind it was the devil's whisper. When I was in this state, the devil whispered to me to commit suicide, and then you will be at peace. After I heard this voice, I became even more scared, and did not know what to do. Then I realized that it was what seemed to be the voice of Satan, and suddenly the thought of my brother's suicide I flash back to those days. It turns out that my brother went against his will because Satan forced him to end his life.
The next day, in order to comfort myself in time of despair, I decided to make a purchase brand goods at the competitive price at a specialized store named Berezka. I thought if I bought goods from that store, it would comfort my heart. During the Soviet Union there was a shop which used to sell various foreign-made items such as jackets, T-shirts, shirts, etc. It was impossible to purchase with rubles, only it was possible to acquire with currency. In order to go to that store, I needed to go to Kholmsk, because this store was only there, but I didn't have a car. So I asked my friend to take me there. He agreed, provided that I would give him some currency. I agreed, and the deal was struck; at that point , the currency was of insignificant. And so we finally got to Kholmsk, and purchased things that I wanted to, but these things do not make me any better. I learned my lesson from this experience that money is powerless in the face of grief, it cannot make people any better.