She felt the palm under her lips tighten. It was impossible for William to speak of love. She crushed her mouth against his palm, tasting its flavor of soap and salt. If within a moment he did not respond she would laugh at herself and tease him for being so earnest about everything. “Don’t be so serious, darling — let’s go drown ourselves somewhere! Nobody will notice the difference and it would be fun. Something we’ve never done before!”
But tonight she would not need such nonsense. She recognized the familiar signs, the tightening of nerve and muscle, the response of his strangely awkward, rather short fingers. He sat up suddenly and drew her against him and she held her breath. He was always abrupt and unsharing but she was used to that now. He had to dominate her and though she had resisted this at first, now she no longer did so. Sex for a woman was nothing. It expressed no part of her being. It was an act of play, of symbolic yielding, a pleasant gesture, pleasing to receive and to give, a thing to forget, the preliminary to a possible experience of motherhood with which the man had little to do. She had decided against motherhood when she saw Will and Jerry. Candace had given William his sons and she divined that more sons would be meaningless for him and for her. With Cecil’s death had gone any need for a son of her own. She divined also that William would care nothing for daughters.
“Lock the door,” William commanded her. … She had a healthy body and she did not shrink from whatever William demanded. She accepted sex in exactly the same way that she enjoyed a cup of tea or a meal. There was nothing mysterious about it or even very interesting. What was interesting was William. She got to know him better in this brief occasional half hour than she could in a month of living. There was something cruel in him — no, not actually cruel, but he needed frightfully to be sure that he was right. Somewhere along the way of his childhood and his youth he had been so wounded in his self-love that now he knew best, he always knew best. And yet his self-confidence, his willfulness, his determination to make others obey him was not solid to the bottom of him. Sometimes when she had obeyed him utterly his command broke. He could not go on. He was not sure of himself. But why not? Who threatened him now?
So it happened tonight. In this quiet hour between day and night, when the servants were busy in the remote regions of the house, they had the complete privacy he demanded. Father Malone was gone. It could not have happened had he been in the house. And still William could not succeed. The fiasco came as it had sometimes before, though not always. Then why tonight?
She waited a moment to make sure that it was to be so, and then it was so. He lay back exhausted without fulfillment. She buried her head against him, and began stroking his hand gently. It was listless and he did not speak a word. He never did.
This went on for what seemed an endless time. The room grew darker. Somewhere, at last, far off, the gong rang warning that dinner was only half an hour off. She let his hand fall and felt a wave of relief. Better luck perhaps, next time!
“I think Father Malone was right,” she said in her ordinary voice. “I do think you ought to go and see Monsignor Lockhart.”
11
WHEN THE SECOND WORLD war broke out Clem made up his mind to ignore it. “Let her blaze,” he told Henrietta in cosmic anger. “It’s all got beyond me.”
“Aren’t you going to close the restaurants now?” Henrietta had asked when people were working again on war jobs.
“I’ve been thinking about that,” Clem said. “I don’t want to be in the restaurant business. I guess I’ll let the fellows have them. They can set up for themselves somewhere or they can stay where they are. They’ve got to promise me, though, that they’ll keep on giving free meals when necessary.”
“Since they’ve made money, I imagine they won’t mind that,” Henrietta said. Chinese could always take care of themselves with ancestral prudence.
By that time the government had ordered surpluses given outright to hungry people. Nobody knew how much of this giving away was the fruit of a certain day when Clem at last sat with that fabulous man in the White House who could not stand up unless somebody helped him. Clem got on well with him. He tried to remember that the man behind the big desk covered with small objects was the President of the United States, but most of the time he forgot it. They talked all over the world. The man behind the desk showed extraordinary knowledge and also profound ignorance, and he did not care who knew it. Clem tried to tell him about China and then gave up. There was too much the man did not know. He knew as little about India, and believed that the only problem there was too many people, and Clem labored earnestly to make him see this was not true. India could produce plenty of food for many more people.
“China, for instance, is nearly self-supporting in food,” Clem said. “She doesn’t import anything hardly. She grows immense amounts of food.”
“Seems to me I’ve heard of starving Chinese all my life,” said the man with the big smile.
“That’s because they need railroads and truck highways,” Clem said. “They can’t move surpluses. They starve in spots. It’s the world situation in a big nutshell. Before you can have a steady peace, you’ve got to be able to move surpluses.”
The war had broken out in China and in Europe and it meant that in China at least there would be fewer new highways than ever. Still the big man did not care much about China. That was to come later. Clem went away attracted and confounded. The big man didn’t see the world as round. For him it was flat. He couldn’t imagine the underneath. The whole world would have to blaze with war before the big man understood that the world was one big round globe.
It had never been easy for Clem to write letters but when he got home to Henrietta he began the series of letters which were his effort to educate the man who didn’t know the world was round. Sometimes these letters were long but usually they were not. The big man never answered them or acknowledged them himself, but Clem hoped that he read them. In them he tried to put down all he knew, including excerpts from the letters which Yusan wrote him.
“Of course we ought to help lick the Japs in China now,” Clem wrote, “but this is just the first step. As far as that goes the war really began when we let them have Manchuria. The next real job will come after the war when Chiang Kai-shek will have to hold his people together. It is easier for a soldier to keep on fighting than it is to get down to the necessary peace. It will be the Communists next, for sure, and that’s what we have got to reckon with. My advice now is to give some little hint of friendship for the people of India so as to begin to win friendship from Asia. I know you don’t want to get Winston worked up, but you could just say a word or two in the direction of India in your next fireside chat and this would please Indians by the millions as well as Chinese. If you would say you believe in the freedom of peoples but say it now, within this week, which is a time of crisis we don’t know anything about over here, it would mean everything. Next month would be too late. They are all waiting.”
Clem had bought his first radio especially to hear the President, but he did not say one word about India or the freedom of the peoples in his next fireside talk. The famous voice came richly over the wires. “My friends …” but it didn’t reach as far as China or India or Indonesia. Clem listened to the last rousing words and shut off the radio and was gloomy for so long that Henrietta was worried. She and Clem were no longer young and she wished that he could stop his world-worrying. Other people would have to take over and if they didn’t, it could not be helped. Clem’s stomach had been better after the depression but this second World War was making it worse again.