The carts wheels sounded sticky against the corridor floors. The lights had dimmed all through Breach Candy, simulating a twilight hed never actually seen. Somewhere, the sun would slip below a horizon, a blue sky darken. Hed seen it in pictures, on video. In his life, though, it was just that the LEDs changed color and intensity. David leaned his head against one of the carts support poles, letting the vibration of the engines and the wheels translate directly into his skull. It felt comfortable. His mother, sitting beside him, pressed her hand against his shoulder, and he had the powerful physical memory of coming back from a party when hed been very young. Six, maybe seven years old. He remembered putting his head in her lap, fading into sleep with the texture of her slacks against his cheek. That was never going to happen again. The woman beside him hardly even seemed to be the same person, and in a few months, he wouldnt see her anymore. Not like he did now. And what would she have done if she knew about Hutch? About Leelee? His mother smiled at him, and it looked like love, but it was love for some other boy. The one she thought he was. He smiled back because he was supposed to.
When they got home, he went straight back to his room. Hed been around people enough. The cheesy generic wall was still up, and he shifted it back to Una Meing. Massive dark eyes with mascara on the lashes looked out at him. He dropped to the bed. Outside, Aunt Bobbie and his father were talking. He listened for a buzz of anger in their voices, but it wasnt there. They were just talking. The water pipes started to whine. His mother taking her evening bath. Everything small and domestic and safe, and out there somewhere, Leelee was working off her debt. Shed asked for his help, and hed failed. And Hutch. Maybe hed always been scared of Hutch. Maybe that was what had made cooking for him seem like the right thing. The wise thing, even. Hutch was the kind of dangerous that could make people into property. Could take them and make them disappear. Being part of that world was fun. Exciting. It was a way to step outside all the good student, good son, good prospects crap that was his life. So what that it scared him now? So what that Leelee was probably being rented out to whoever had the money and David wouldnt see her again? Hed made his choice, and this was the consequence.
Una Meing stared out at him, soulful and erotic. David turned out the lights, grabbed a pillow, and pulled it over his head. As his mind began to fragment down into sleep, Leelee kept coming back to him. Her face. Her voice. The soft, almost gentle way Hutch had said, I own Leelee and You dont have enough to clear her debts. He wished that he did. He walked into a bleak, prison-like room that was half dream and half imagination. Leelee shied back from the sudden light and then saw who it was, and her face lit up. David, she said, how did you do it? How did you save me?
And with an almost electrical shock, he knew the answer.
He sat up, turned on the light. Una Meings sly-sad smile seemed more knowing than it had before. Took you long enough. He checked the time: well past midnight. It didnt matter. It wouldnt wait. He listened at his door for a few seconds. No voices except the professional enunciation of the newsfeed announcer. David took his hand terminal out of his satchel, sat on the edge of his bed, and put in the connection request. He didnt expect an answer, but Steppans face appeared on the screen almost instantly.
Big Dave! Hey, Steppan said. Heard about your placement. Good going, cousin.
Thanks, David said, keeping his voice low. But look, I need a favor.
Sure, Steppan said.
You have lab time?
More time than sleep, Steppan said ruefully. But youve got placement. You dont need to scrounge for lab hours anymore.
Kind of do. And I could use an extra hand.
How long are we talking about?
Ten hours, David said. Maybe a little more. But some of thats waiting, so you can do your own stuff too. And Ill help with your work if you help with mine.
Steppan shrugged.
All right. Ive got hours tomorrow starting at eight. You know where my space is?
Do, David said.
See you there, Steppan said and dropped the connection. So that was the first part. Davids mind was already leaping ahead to the rest. He had enough tryptamine to build from, and the catalysts were always easy. What he didnt have was sodium borohydride or amoproxan in anything like the volume hed need. Closing his eyes, he went through the inventory of his secret locker, thinking about each reagent and what he could gracefully change it into. Carbon double bonds cleaved, ketones formed, inactive isomers were forced into different configurations. Slowly, certainly, a clear biochemical path formed. He opened his eyes, jotted down a quick flowchart of the reactions, and built a wish list. When he was done, he switched his hand terminal over to the main distributors site and ordered the reagents hed need with immediate delivery to Steppans lab. The total bill was enough to clean out his secret account, but that was fine with him. Hed never cared about the money.
When his hand terminal chirped the mornings alarm, hed managed a two-hour nap. He changed into clean clothes, ducked into the bathroom to wet down his hair and shave. His mind was already three steps ahead. His hand terminal chimed with breaking news, and he almost dreaded to look, but for once it was something good. Eight people had been arrested in connection with the pressure loss on the tube system and were being actively questioned about the bomb in Salton. While David brushed his teeth, he watched the newsfeed play. When the scroll of mug shots came, he had a moments anxietyWhat if Leelee was one of them? What if that was what Hutch meant by her getting political?but none of the faces was familiar. They were young people, none of them over eighteen, but well-worn. Two had black eyes and one of the women had been crying. Or else shed been teargassed. David dismissed them.
Where are you going? his mother asked as he walked, head bowed and shoulders hunched, for the door.
Friend needs help, he said. Hed meant the lie that Steppan needed an extra hand at the labs, but halfway to the lower university, he noticed that by not elaborating, hed sort of told the truth. The fact was weirdly disturbing.
The day was a massive cook. With the two of them in the space, it was crowded, and Steppan, sleepless, hadnt showered recently. Between the chemical vapors that the fume hood didnt whisk away and the stink of adolescent boy, the heat of the burners, and Steppans constant, nearly intimate presence, the day passed slowly. But it passed well. Steppan didnt ask what Davids experiment was, and during the quiet times, David ran Steppans datasets and even pointed out a flaw in the statistical assumptions he was making that made the final data prettier when he corrected it. When the early afternoon came and they were flagging, David measured out a small dose of amphetamine and split it between them. When his mother requested a connection, he didnt answer, just sent back the message that hed be home late, to eat dinner without him. Instead of the usual indirect disapproval, she sent back a note that she supposed shed have to get used to that. It left him sad until the timer went off and he had to cool the batch and add catalyst and the work took his attention. There was a real pleasure to the work, something he hadnt felt in years. He knew each reaction, each bond he was breaking, each molecular reconfiguration. He could look at the milky suspension, see a subtle change in the texture, and know what had happened. This, he thought, was what mastery felt like.
The last of his run was finished, the powder measured out into pale pink gelcaps and melted into sugared lozenges. His satchel was thick with them and heavy as a bowling ball. At a guess, he had the equivalent of his fathers retirement account on his hip. The public LEDs were dim as he walked home. His eyes felt bloodshot and gritty, but his step was light.