“You really don’t know what’s been happening to you?” she said. She was facing half away, but she kept darting me rapid little glances from the corner of her eye.
“My voice—”
“Your voice, and the hair on your chin, and your chest. And your moustache. And you’ve grown about four inches.”
“Well, you’ve grown too. And you—”
She had changed, more than I. She had a different shape, and her walk had become a woman’s walk. Anyone who mistook her for a boy now would have to be blind.
“You’ve changed,” I said.
“Of course I have.” She finally turned to face me. “For exactly the same reason. Doctor Eileen explained it to me. But I don’t think it’s fair to expect me to explain it to you.”
And she wouldn’t, not one word. I had to wait until I had another meeting alone with Doctor Eileen.
“Good Lord, of course Mel wouldn’t talk to you,” she said. “I was joking—I didn’t expect that you would ask her. Sit down, Jay.”
I did, wondering what came next. Doctor Eileen stood close, studied my face, and nodded.
“Do you remember that you said the food on Paddy’s Fortune tasted strange, and Mel said the same thing about the food on the Cuchulain? And the controller on Paddy’s Fortune gave you a box of pills?”
“Sure. But I thought they were diet supplements.”
“They were. You see, the food we grow on Erin isn’t quite right for humans. It’s deficient in certain trace compounds. I’ve known that for a long time. And funnily enough, the food on Paddy’s Fortune isn’t quite right, either, but in a different way. Together, though, they can provide everything you need. Which they did—for you and Mel.
“There’s nothing unusual about what’s been happening to either of you, except the speed of it. You both had delayed puberty. Now you’re rushing through the physical changes in about a tenth of the usual time. It’s bound to make you uncomfortable. But it’s all normal.” She nodded at me and started for the door. “Don’t worry about it.”
Easy enough for her to say—it wasn’t happening to Doctor Eileen.
I went through into the bathroom and stared in the mirror at my face. It wasn’t just hairy. It was spotty as well, and looked different in other ways. The bones of my cheeks and forehead were more prominent, and my eyes sat deeper in my head. I wondered what my mother would make of the new me. She was heading for Upside, anxious to see me before we left and make sure that I was all right. She was in for a bit of a shock.
I was still gazing at my reflection when Mel came in and stood behind me.
“I just talked to Doctor Eileen,” I said. I stared at her, but only in the mirror. I couldn’t bring myself to turn around.
“I know.” Mel’s face was pink. “She told me. And she told me to come and talk to you. I want to say one thing. Just don’t you.”
“Just don’t I what?”
“Don’t you get any ideas. Funny ideas. That’s all.” And she was gone, without a word more. The strange thing is, there had been nothing like that in my head until she spoke.
But there is now, and I wonder if she did it on purpose. If she did, it worked.
I have no idea what the trip to Paddy’s Fortune and beyond will be like. I don’t know what will happen when we make the long run, and rediscover the stars. I don’t know if my wildest fear—and, perhaps, my oddest hope and dream—will come true, and one day, far off in space and time, I will meet again with Danny Shaker.
But I do know that things inside me are changing—fast. And I can’t keep my head clear of notions that have nothing to do with the Godspeed Drive or interstellar exploration.